Sad... death of my mom
 

I have been a member for a couple years - mostly just reading and feeling support of people with the same issues as me. My mom has been dealing with alcoholism for years. My father died about 6 years ago - and since then, she hasn't been able to live a normal life. She was overtaken by the disease. In and out of treatment multiple times. She has been verbally abusive to me for the last few years. For my own sanity, I had to detach from her - for the sake of me and my children and husband. The disease finally took her and she died last Monday. This has been a horrible week for me - burying her yeaterday. I am only 33 and now have to deal with living my life without parental support - although she hasn't been my "mom" in years. I am so sad and just looking for some support. I feel she is at peace now - and with my dad who she really didn't want to live without. But I feel cheated and beaten down by all the struggles and negativity of our relationship of the last couple years. I am an only child so I feel especially alone in this.

23girl, it's great that you're here. It's a bit slow here on the weekends, but close your eyes and know that people are gathering around you to help you through this. My alcoholic mom died when I was 8, didn't care much for me in the last couple of years, and I've had to live most of my life without the "normal" things that a mother is supposed to offer our lives, so I really understand. I can only say that I have been able to find pieces of maternal support in other places, bit by bit, and I no longer feel like I'm alone. I know this is incredibly hard for you right now but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone -- lots of us have been through this kind of isolation caused by alcoholic' repercussions -- and this pain won't last forever. Big hugs to you from another mom-deprived child, and prayers to your mom that she finds peace in "whatever comes next" for her.

Gather those who love you around you, like a buffer against the wind. You will get through this. :ghug3

((((((23girl)))))))

i'm so sorry for your grief. i'm grateful that your mother no longer has to struggle with alcoholism. she is free.

((((23girl))))
I lost my mom when I was 31 and my dad when I was 36. What helped me was to reach out to others as mentors and friends, and try to find a sense of family that way.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of you mom and the sadness you feel.

So sorry for your loss of your Mom. You're in my prayers tonight.

I'm so sorry for your loss 23girl. Just know that your mother is in a better place and no longer suffering.

Hugs


Sue

((((23girl)))).....you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. I'm so sorry for your loss, and thankful your mom is free from her pain.

Hi 23girl,

I'm sorry for your loss, I'm an only child of an only child and also lost my mom when I was only 33, I know how you feel. It was like loosing my whole family at once, I was an orphan. Mine wasn't alcoholic, she was diagnosed w/terminal cancer and was gone 3 months later. What a shock.

That was over 20 years ago and I still think about her every day, but not in a sad way or a bad way. I still talk to her all the time! I am sorry my 7yo dd never got to know her.

It's funny, my xaw's mom is in complete denial about her daughters disease and blames me for the situation we're all in. If the shoe were on the other foot, and I was the active alcoholic, my mom would have taken my wife and daughter in and told ME to hit the road. She was a good woman and I miss her.

Thanks and God bless us all, :praying
Coyote

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. May God be with you in this tough time.

My sincerest sympathy to you during this very hard and sad time.
In the midst of that sorrow is also the thankfulness that her struggle is over,
and her pain is done.

My prayers for your consolation, and for her peaceful repose.

My deepest sympathy to you. May she rest in peace.

and know that you could have done nothing to prevent this from happening, you did all you could.

Gill xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away 9 months ago and I still miss him every day. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Doreen

((((((((23girl))))))))))
I am so sorry you've lost your mom- and that you lost her first to that thief of positive family life: alcoholism. My heart goes out to you.
Pecae-
B.

I'm also so sorry for your loss, and you will be in my prayers. I lost my mom when I was 13, and it was so hard and sad. I found a book when I was in my late 20's that helped me so much, and helped me through the grief I had repressed. It is called Motherless Daughters. :Val004:

My heart goes out to you, I'm glad you decided to post. I do not know the loss of a parent, so I can not begin to know how you feel. This is the time you lean on friends and your husband, God bless and take care.
If you attend allanon or not sounds like a good place to head for support, many there have lost loved ones to this disease.
Kermmie

I'm sorry for you loss. My father is an alcoholic, so I can relate to your feelings of having to detach. You are in my prayers.

I'm 48 and I lost my father two years ago after a 2-week illness. No matter how old I get, I still need my parents. Letting go of someone you love is very hard.

Sometimes I still get sad when I think of my dad, but mostly these days I smile when I think of him. It gets easier over time.

So sorry for you. You never got to heal the relationship or see your mom recover.
It was a sad situation for you for many yrs. and now the impact must really hit hard.
Your mom was sick.
It sounds like you have learned how to be healthy and be a good parent to your own kids even though it wasn't always modeled for you. That is the silver lining

thank you all for your kind words and prayers. i feel a lot of support from others dealing with similar situations. thank you so much.