Saying no
 

I recently met someone who I was attracted to and the universe even arranged for us to meet up one day - I just happened to bump into him while shopping so we ended up spending a lot of the day together.

He said some things that got a few alarm bells ringing but I told myself to try and be open minded and not judge.

When we went our respective ways, we'd a loose agreement to meet up again and doing something however before the week was out I had been bombared with text mesages and emails from this person, and it started to annoy me - I actually have a life these days, one I quite like.

Sure the messages were all 'you're so nice' etc...but it was too full on and obsessive. And I got the impression that he was not sending them as a way of complimenting me but rather as a 'don't forget about me'.

Eventually I met with him and told him thanks but no thanks, and his response was to try and talk me round!! He even grabbed my hand and tried looking into my eyes! This is from a guy I barely know!! He also promised to fill my every need and do whatever I wanted him too.

In the past I would have been flattered by this kind of attention/behavior but these days it just makes me feel sick and like someone is trying to attach themselves to me. I know how these relationships end. I have already had too many of them.

We parted as 'friends' but I had to send him an email yesterday saying stop contacting me, as he has continued to bombared me with texts and emails.

I am so glad I did not get involved with this man and to have learnt I have something inside me now that encourages me to (first of all) look after myself, rather than to look after another.

There's always hope
:a194:

Awesome post, lizw!

It is so encouraging to read examples of someone making choices in their own, long-term best interest.

Thanks!

-TC

Thats great, guy sounds like a nutcase! Good job!:You_Rock_

sounds like you dodged a bullet. congrats!

Way to go, liz!

GL

Good call !!!!!

HA -- I experienced something similar this week myself! I was VERY attracted to this guy I was seeing on some jobs and our paths crossed to the extent that I gave him my number. Long story short, although we hit it off conversationally, I figured out rather quickly that he had addiction issues.

I am happy to say that it immediately squelched out the strong physical desires I'd had. I see that as something I gained by staying in an alcoholic marriage for so long.

On the other hand, I reconnected with the one other guy I'd crushed on and found him to be both physically and intellectually desireable. I'm having to really focus in order not to be overwhelmed by feelings I buried many years ago. It's brought some sadness along with happiness, as I realize there was so little emotional reward in my alcoholic relationship that even common dating niceties feel like grand gestures.

Congrats on your escape!

Dude!!!!!

Sweet!!!!


great happy short story instead of an Epic long tragedy.

Well done!

I couldn't have said it better myself.

You sound like you attract the same type of guys that I do. What is wrong with some people? I also do not like desperate people. It's very unattractive.
Stay safe from this nut job.

Yep, those red flags are flapping in the wind. Because of this man's seriously quick attachment and major obsessive behavior, it's important to let that be your last contact with him. Do not reply to further text messages from him or it will give him false hope and he'll continue to pester you. Refer to my posts from the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker, if you need to. They detail how quickly this can get out of hand unless all contact is stopped.

Turns out NO is not a strong enough word
 

It appeared his idea and my idea of friends are 2 different things and he has continued to bomared me with texts and emails. To begin with I did reply but then over the weekend, sent him a simple email saying stop contacting me. Then after that didn't fix it, I text it to him which still didn't seem to stop it.

But I did see him last night at our social group we both attend. I was so tempted not to go as I just didn't want to deal with with it. I tend to swing between wanting to scream fck off at him and/or running away - fight or flight.

However after talking to my sponsor, I went and made sure I did not sit next to him and answered any questions he had with short answers, in a polite fashion which seemed to do the trick. And now that is it. I've told him where I stand so there will be no further replies from my end.

I pray this will be the end of it! And I can not even describe how grateful I am that it never prgressed further than having a coffee with him. I had forgotten what it was like to be round someone who doesn't respect my boundaries and just wants to manipulate me to filful their own desires.

I've got this funny daily reader book and in there it says something like 'Red Flags, when waved at relationship addicts means the same as when red is waved at a bull - charge! While the non addicted tend to run in the other direction - away.'

It makes me laugh as it is so true. But I am changing. :a122:

Please get yourself a copy of "The Gift of Fear." It will explain in great deal how important it is for you to end all contact with this man immediately. No more text messages (no matter how tempted you are to tell him to back off), no more phone calls (allow all his calls to go to your answering machine), no more conversation with him at meetings. If need be, find a new meeting time/day/location.

It won't end unless you end ALL contact. Really.

Speaking to him at the meeting was as good as flashing him a green light. He's a stalker. He is just beginning.

Yes, this is quite true. I was stalked for years and have some experience with this. No contact, don't let him hear your voice on the phone or on an answering machine. Don't let him see you inside your house (keep your curtains closed). Don't send any emails.

Stalkers are sick individuals.

Good job LizW!!

You might want to consider blocking his phone numbers to put a stop to the calls/texts without having to deal with him at all.

Thanks for everyones kind words.

The group we both belong to is not 12 step one but a special interest/hobby group and it has ended now for this year so I won't have to see him again till next year, if ever.

If I get any further contact from him I will block his number and his email address, I have no qualms about this.

At the same time I am also aware I have the potential to make it into a bigger deal than it is. I.e. I found out he was a nutter and I've gotten myself out of the situation.

And the other night when we spoke it was not about what was/had happened between us, but rather about the group we belong to. I can also say my response to him, matched my request.

Personally I don't think he is a stalker, I think he is one of those guys who attaches themselves to woman like he is a leech or something, all under the guise of 'being helpful/loving' and now because I've said I'd rather eat my own vomit thank you very much, I will be very surprised if he doesn't back off.

It's been a good reminder for me that I get into relationships were myself and my partner tend to want to 'help each other to death'. I don't think I have ever entered a relationship and been happy with my partner just the way they were - I was always more into 'their potential' rather than reality, and they've appeared to be the same.

I seriously would rather eat my own vomit than be involved with that guy. He told me he's been to Disneyland 4 times and I would bet money on it that he never paid for any of the trips, he would have had GF's who did. Yuck, yuck, yuck!

Vomit. Oh yum.

:lmao
Had to laugh at that one...