stillsearching

Hey everyone,

Well, my soon to be XAH is now going to another out patient rehab along with some AA meetings. Good for him I say but he has only not been drinking for a couple of weeks, even showed up at the counselors office and Dr's Office drunk, I found out from his counselor when we met with her last week.

Anyhow I have been going out on a few dates with a guy I met at the gym, great guy and we have a good time together, but I am not looking for anything serious. Well, we went out to dinner last night and he came over to my house afterwards. We were watching tv, when guess who showed up! He works a part time job by my house and just showed up. Well, I think he was a bit surprised.

Now I am feeling guilty and bad for him....why?? After all the crap he has put me and family through, I am just trying to move on with my life. It has been years (even though we were together) since we have done anything together, showed affection, have not been intimate for way over a year....why am I feeling bad for having a good time with a great guy????

Barbara52

I can't answer for you why you feel guilty. I can say why I would feel guilty if I were in a similar situation.

I would have felt guilty because I was still married to the man and my personal standards say no new relationship until I was divorced. Eve then appearnece of involvement with a new man would have felt wrong to me. And I had to deal with my own issues. I've been gone more than a year and a half, divorced for 6 months and still haven't even considered dating because I know I am not ready to jump into another relationship because I have my own self to look at and heal.

denny57

I'd examine it. If I felt bad for him (as you say) that's one thing. If I feel bad about myself it's another.

I also had the no dating rule until the divorce was final. Guess what? xAH dragged out the divorce for just about 3 years, all the while dating his little merry self away. I decided, for me, the no dating rule could change.

I'd search my motives, make a decision and not worry what anyone else thinks.

equinessa

Am I missing some of the story? You're going to a counsellor with you AH but you're dating someone else?

stillsearching

I went to the counsellor at the request of the counsellor who wanted to hear what I had to say had been going on with AH because she didn't think he was telling her the whole story or truth. I did not go in a effort to work on or save my marriage, that is too far gone. AH is so unstable with what is going on with him, when he is drinking (he has maybe 2 weeks sober) he wants nothing to do with me or anyone in the family, when he is not he wants things to work out.....well I can't play that game anymore...no stability. The divorce is final next month.


I guess the reason I felt bad was I didn't want to hurt AH feelings, but realize that all along he has not cared about mine, but that is not the point. But I certainly know that while we are still legally married, the marriage and relationship was over years ago because of his drinking...we pretty much lived seperate lives for years including no intimacy for over a year. I just really feel that it is time for me to move on with my life, and make a choice for myself, not based on what AH wants or not because that changes like the wind.