Ah going to First AA Meeting..........
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
Ah going to First AA Meeting..........
today at 5:30. He has taken the first step in his process to deal with his alcoholism. My question is... how should I treat this? Do I act proud...supportive....detached....uncaring. I am at a loss. I am not saying I am staying..but not sure if I am going. Kind of in limbo but how do you support someone you do love in trying to get help? No matter what happens with us - I want a healthy life for him.
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
IMO, it depends on what made him go. Was it him and his own realization that he needs help? Was it to appease and keep you from leaving him? It makes a big difference in the mind of an A. When A's realize their lives had become unmanageable, and they surrender to the thought of needing and getting help, I'd be supportive, but only to a point. The world does not revolve around the A, sober or not. I've found that bending over backwards only serves to make them more selfish and should a relapse occur, the blame game will start all over again. If it was to appease you and keep you from leaving, I'd tend to think it's to smooth things over and wouldn't even bat an eye. But that's just my opinion. My A told me this morning (after being drunk for a month) that he was going to the chiropractor and then to a meeting (he knows it's only a matter of time before I'm gone). I replied, "that's nice" and left for work. I'd be willing to bet that instead he played golf today w/his A buddies who are all divorced, don't pay child support and/or are in trouble w/the law. He'll be staggering drunk and tell me "all about the meeting" (talk about hallucinations LOL). And tonite I'll just let him quack away. Doesn't matter that you want a healthy life for him, doesn't matter what you want for him, he must want that for him. You need to focus on you. Hope it works out.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by Redheadsusie 
how should I treat this? Do I act proud...supportive....detached....uncaring. I am at a loss.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
"That's wonderful honey, it's my greatest hope that you'll one day be able to live again, sober. Let me know when you've been to a meeting a day for three years, and I'll celebrate with you by baking your favorite cake."
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,697
I just smile.
I don't discuss alcoholism - it's symptoms, treatment, or progression - with my husband any more.
Talking about "his problem" with me never helped him in the past, and it sent me on the express train to "how-can-I-tailor-my-response/life/smile-to-best-suit-his-needs-and-support-him?" land. Nothing good ever happened to me there.
I don't discuss alcoholism - it's symptoms, treatment, or progression - with my husband any more.
Talking about "his problem" with me never helped him in the past, and it sent me on the express train to "how-can-I-tailor-my-response/life/smile-to-best-suit-his-needs-and-support-him?" land. Nothing good ever happened to me there.
I appreciate all of your words of wisdom and will continue on my own little path to my recovery and well being!
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