foggy

I just had a nervewracking long holiday weekend. AH was extremely moody, alternating between irritable and obnoxious. He drank quite a bit in front of me, and I discovered a large stash of "secret" empty vodka bottles hidden in one of our storage closets. Sadly, I don't even like him right now. I don't expect to get anything out of it if I confront him again. He is oblivious. I don't see the person I married anymore.

I'm thinking about finding myself a counselor, and telling him about it later. I don't have anyone here to confide in, and I have a huge knot of anger and grief sitting in my chest. I'm grateful that his boss sent him out of town for awhile so I can have a little peace.

If counseling helped you, what kind of counselor did you see? What did they do for you? I do need someone to vent to, but then I'd like that person to be able to help me figure out what to do, too. All I can say right now is

Rella927

Finding a counselor is a great idea! I went to one for over 5 years and she helped to keep me on course! I did all the work however she hinted to me when I was falling of course-I gained a lot of insight on life, myself and what I want out of it!

Also attending Al-Anon has kept me on course too! Something you may also want to try as well.

Sorry for your struggles...going through the pain of all of this can be heart wrenching! Doing what you need for yourself and taking care of you is what is important!

Keep posting!

Barbara52

Absolutely! I found sessions with a therapist to be immensely helpful.

Ago

It was nothing less then life altering for me, with one caveat

My sessions with a therapist were about 90% more "effective" after I had worked the twelve steps, I was able to "fast forward" what would have been years of slowly "breaking my denial" and at that point I was "out of excuses" or "out of stories" why I acted the way I did and was in much more of a place to "hear what she had to say" and take action to change me and stop blaming circumstances and other people for feeling the way I did.

Not that this stuff didn't come up again later in my life, but the tools were all still there that I had learned when I was ready to pick them back up.

I chose a therapist that did both "cognitive AND the other type, family history i think it's called or something, anyhow I found having my therapist be competent in both "types" of therapy beyond helpful

so, yes, 100% emphatically, unequivocally yes is my answer

Freedom1990

I have been seeing a counselor for the last year now, and like Ago, I am also active in a 12 step program, so the two go hand in hand for me.

Still Waters

Yes! Definitely find a good counselor, and I say find because not all counselors are good ones unfortunately. So, if you don't like the one you get the 1st time, try another!

Mine helped me to see clearly, what was going on in my life. When we're too close to this type situation we just can't see it. I think the insanity of addiction rubs off on us. So she gently and lovingly nudged me into taking a good clear look at what my life had become.

denny57

Yes, I see a psychologist, a PhD with a comprehensive knowledge of addiction.

I also find Al Anon helpful.

I highly recommend both. Good luck!!!

Jazzman

I looked for a counselor with a background in addiction with lots of experience. It was a good move on my part and she helped me work through the toughest times. She's the one who told me about SR and encouraged me attend Alanon meetings. I'm a big proponent of getting support where ever you can find it.

CatsnDogs4Me

I've been seeing a therapist since last Spring, and I can say that what I've learned about myself through her has been life-altering. I'm so proud of how much I've grown during this time, and while I know I still have a long way to go, I'm excited to get there. I highly recommend finding a counselor you can talk to & who can give you feedback to help you feel better.

ToughChoices

Nothing helped me more. (and a lot of things helped!)

Susan67

I have just started counseling again, it's what I need to help me get through this.

Tarheel

Foggy,

One more thing to look into...

I found DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) one of the most effective things I've ever done. It's different from "typical therapy" - and I've done a whole lot of traditional therapy. I'm not sure where you live, but if it's available nearby, I've seen it be a life-changing option.

Let me know if you'd like more info. I'd be more than happy to talk to you about it.

Take care,

TH

genrs123

therapy- super helpful . even if its just temporarily, i feel great when i leave usually even if it hurts.

GiveLove

Counseling really helped me - I went for a few months, usually every other week. I had a counselor with a sliding fee scale.

I don't see that it's any of his business what you do to help yourself have a better, healthier life.

Bernadette

Yes!
At different times in my life I have been helped enormously by:
AlAnon

One-on-one counseling.

Marriage counseling (did not save the marriage as I had thought it would but wow put me squarely in REALITY and paved the way to me being a VERY happily divorced single mom)

And most recently one-on-one CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

All of these (except the marriage counseling) were free (AlAnon) or lo-cost. I found my CBT therapist through a local University - it only cost $15/week

Seek help and you shall find it!
Peace-
B.

foggy

OK, next question ... how did you all find your counselors? I'm trying to find our new insurance information right now. Not sure where to start looking for the actual counselor. Since he hasn't agreed to treatment, I'm guessing not the alcohol treatment places.

LaTeeDa

I found my counselor through the EAP (Employee Assistance Program). It is a part of my health insurance that provides 6 counseling sessions for free to deal with "life issues." After the 6 sessions, I continued for over a year under my regular insurance.

L

JustMeInWI

(((((((foggy)))))))

I have been TREMENDOUSLY helped by counselling. I actually went to counselling at a very large church in my area. This church is known for having many resources and being very open and accepting of people wherever they are at in life. The first counselor I saw didn't work for me at all. She was very harsh and judgmental - which I'd gotten enough of from my AH. I requested a different counselor, and she has been SO helpful to me. I can vent about anything - say anything I need to say - be HONEST about my hurts, my feelings, my anger, about EVERYTHING. And she UNDERSTANDS me and VALIDATES my feelings (something I never got with AH).

I HIGHLY recommend you find a counselor that suits you. There are lots of options. I found out more recently that my workplace (and many others) have employee assistance programs, where you call an 800 number, everything is kept confidential, and they can set you up with a phychologist in your area oftentimes for free! If that's not available to you, grab your phone book or even try a google.com search for counselors/phychologists in your area that have experience with codependency or alcoholism. This makes a huge difference.

And don't be afraid to change to a new counselor if one doesn't work. Don't give up - YOU'RE WORTH IT!!! (((((foggy)))))

denny57

I was referred to my therapist by my GP (who also has extensive knowledge of addiction and 12-steps)

AbbySinthe

I think finding a therapist/counselor is a great idea. I started going as preemptive measure. I figured, I know having an alcoholic mother & father has caused me issues in the past that I'm still dealing with and something will probably happen that I'll need someone to talk about it with. I'm just happy that I've formed a relationship with a neutral 3rd party. Since I've talked about all the mundane things that happen on a monthly basis with her, it's good to have someone I can go to if anything traumatic happens, you know?

I got the name of my therapist (who I love) from my endocrinologist. Weird, right? Good luck xoxo