How do you get over fooling yourself?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
One of the wonders of SR is that no matter what "mess" I am in, and thinking I am the only one in it, as soon as I post it here, along comes a pile of posts from others in the same or similar mess. The joy of finding out I am not alone, and it isn't just me, is like a shaft of light shining thru the gloom of despair. It lifts me out of the muck and gives me courage to face whatever comes as I feel connected to the world again. Somebody CARES. Someone does UNDERSTAND me. What a load lightening release that is, just when it is needed most.
Some people seem to have snuck in and read my diary or are able to read my mind, which is a bit scary at times. Hello Silverberry!
My love and gratitude to you all, because you are lighthouses to the lost.
Some people seem to have snuck in and read my diary or are able to read my mind, which is a bit scary at times. Hello Silverberry!
My love and gratitude to you all, because you are lighthouses to the lost.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 167
Every now and then, someone on here has such a profound statement that really hits home for all of us. I wish we could gather all these brilliant statements into a special place for all to read and read when we need it. I look for a special moment on here everyday to help keep me going and silver berry you are the winner today. So true and very deep.
And Redd, I believe you are in the race, you'll get to the finish line when you get to it.
And Redd, I believe you are in the race, you'll get to the finish line when you get to it.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
If she were trying really hard to quit, she would quit.
She is white-knuckling it hun. They do what they can to keep us around. You've recieved great advice. When you are tired of it, you will do what's right. By staying with our a's, we are enabling them.
That was hard to hear but so true.
She is white-knuckling it hun. They do what they can to keep us around. You've recieved great advice. When you are tired of it, you will do what's right. By staying with our a's, we are enabling them.
That was hard to hear but so true.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
(((Redd)))
There is never really a "good" day to leave your spouse, even if he or she is a falling down drunk. You still care about them. You just decide you can't do it any more. I think I questioned myself quite a bit, but still kept the pact I'd made with myself that final day. In the end, he didn't change. Not after a year of separation, not after 4 years of divorce. So really, the choice I made was the right one. But it wasn't like I could say "Hey, today seems like the right day" to just decide. I just did it one day. Kind of like quitting smoking, only way more heart-breaking and sad. You may not think "today's a good day" Redd, or you may think "today is NOT a good day" to do it, but in the end, there won't necessarily be the perfect day. You'll just finally figure out that nothing you do really matters when she won't step up and start the quit process on her own.
There is never really a "good" day to leave your spouse, even if he or she is a falling down drunk. You still care about them. You just decide you can't do it any more. I think I questioned myself quite a bit, but still kept the pact I'd made with myself that final day. In the end, he didn't change. Not after a year of separation, not after 4 years of divorce. So really, the choice I made was the right one. But it wasn't like I could say "Hey, today seems like the right day" to just decide. I just did it one day. Kind of like quitting smoking, only way more heart-breaking and sad. You may not think "today's a good day" Redd, or you may think "today is NOT a good day" to do it, but in the end, there won't necessarily be the perfect day. You'll just finally figure out that nothing you do really matters when she won't step up and start the quit process on her own.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Washington State
Posts: 51
Redd,
When I finally left my husband I gave him a story I found on another site telling of 2 rock climbers (I'm going to screw up this story) tied together climbing the side of a mountain, if one started to fall the other was going to fall and die with him. I told my husband we had been tied together to long and he was falling and if I didn't cut lose I was going to die to.... which was the truth. Again, I screwed up the story but i hope you get the point. I stayed in that marriage for to long hoping and praying things would change. I am a social worker who has helped many people but I COULD NOT SAVE MY HUSBAND. He still says he loves me but still drinks so we do not speak anymore. It wasn't until I met someone healthy and loving did I see what I put up with and how miserable I was. I'm telling you that when you get away from this sickness you will be alive again. Living is so much better than existing I promise. By staying with her you aren't helping her, you are making it worse for her. Two sick people doesn't make one of them well but separately maybe they can heal. Redd, you deserve better..you really do.
When I finally left my husband I gave him a story I found on another site telling of 2 rock climbers (I'm going to screw up this story) tied together climbing the side of a mountain, if one started to fall the other was going to fall and die with him. I told my husband we had been tied together to long and he was falling and if I didn't cut lose I was going to die to.... which was the truth. Again, I screwed up the story but i hope you get the point. I stayed in that marriage for to long hoping and praying things would change. I am a social worker who has helped many people but I COULD NOT SAVE MY HUSBAND. He still says he loves me but still drinks so we do not speak anymore. It wasn't until I met someone healthy and loving did I see what I put up with and how miserable I was. I'm telling you that when you get away from this sickness you will be alive again. Living is so much better than existing I promise. By staying with her you aren't helping her, you are making it worse for her. Two sick people doesn't make one of them well but separately maybe they can heal. Redd, you deserve better..you really do.
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