Hotmess

that should be eradicated from the english language...

I'm sorry (but i'm going to continue in my behavior)

I promise (that you will never be able to depend on my promises)

I love you but (fill in appropriate excuse)

loner1968

I love you but....................I'm not IN love with you

genrs123

is that what the "but" means???? im not IN love with you????? ive always wondered.

Hotmess

I love you BUT i can't stop wanting my alcoholic, abusive, lying, stealing exwife....

genrs123

how about phrases that may not be fully eradicated, but really shouldnt be said. aka phrases my A has really hurt me with but are ALMOST funny if they didnt cause my heartbreak.

"well its just that... you're needier than most girls"

and

"it would never work for a million reasons"
youre right. and none of them have to do with your relationship with alcohol or drugs vs. ours

"youre never happy with the decisions i make"
youre right. when youre hurting yourself or me, im generally not.

"im a grown ass man, i can do what i want"
actually sweetheart, youre a grown ass mess. (that was actually my real response)

Taking5

In a healthy relationship, "I'm sorry" is a very important thing to say if you mean it. JMHO.

Freedom1990

You know something that was brought up in a meeting I was at recently in regards to the 9th step (making amends) wasn't in saying I was sorry, but rather in acknowledging that I had done wrong, and was there anything that I could do to make it right?

I really like that approach. I just thought I would share that.

veryrestless722

i hear - i love you but cant live with you
or his most famous- im not hurting anyone

prodigal

I guess the one that will "live in infamy" for me is:
"I know I have a drinking problem."
Yeah, and you've never done a damned thing to change.

joyfulnoiz

I always like "that's just who I am, I'm not proud of it, but..."

This said after, pick one:
-walking thru the TV room smoking a joint while our 16 year old son was watching TV
-leaving a joint lying on the table
-stumbling into the house and tripping up the stairs in front of our son and friends
-sleeping on the cellar floor,being too drunk to climb the stairs
-etc.,etc,,,,

cagefree

Hmmm - for me, actions say these things more than the actual words coming out. I am very wary of people who say these things without backing them up.

I agree that "I'm sorry" is the best way to immediately acknowledge a wrongdoing. Granted, the way it's said, the tone used and actions afterwards kind of create the meaning.

Hotmess

That's it exactly. You've hit the nail on the head. The problem is that he's removed any meaning from the words by using them in a careless way. By not backing it up with action. By trying to use them as some get out of jail free card....

brundle

Last night my AH husband said "I'm sorry" and I said "you really are!" As in your a sorry excuse for a partner, a father, a human!

I hear:

I'm sorry for drinking away every promise I every made and never kept.
I love you; but not as much as my mistress the bottle. Sorry.

With my AH anything nice is just a meaningless word to help him smooth stuff over so he can continue on his merry self-destructive way.