So sad.....
 

This happened on Sunday night and everytime I think about it I feel so sad...sad and more than a little bit angry....

I was in the basement sorting laundry and my partner came down to help me.....well, really she comes down to fool around and because she doesn't like to be alone...but anyway, she says it's to help me. So, after the laundry was sorted I was going through a bunch of hangars that I had brought down from the attic when I was organizing/cleaning up there last weekend. There was one little brown plastic hangar that was just useless and I tossed it in the garbage....but she's like "I'll take that; I can use it!' (She has thousands of hangars but she also has trouble throwing anything away -- one of the reasons we don't live together -- because of serious deprivation issues from her childhood.) I say: "C, it's a piece of garbage!" She says; "But I can use it!" So, I give it to her and continue what I'm doing.

When I'm done, I walk out of the laundry room and she's in the main room with her back toward me. I see that she's standing with her back to the light, and she's playing like the hangar is a gun and she's watching her shadow. She looks like a friggin' 5 year old boy!!!! I say, laughing: "What are you doing????" She, startled, spins around and looks really confused and embarassed. Intead of saying anything, she comes over to me and starts hugging me and, like, burying her head in my shoulder. I can tell she's feeling really vulnerable and awkward, so I just like hold her and rub her back. After awhile she says kinda softly: "I was just being silly.....I can be silly around you....I have to be tough and cool for everyone else....but I can be silly around you, right?"

.....So much wounding....it just friggin' breaks my heart....that little boy part of her is the child that should have been loved and nurtured and cherished but wasn't -- wasn't because too many people were too busy thinking about themsleves and their addictions and too busy being stuck in their own woundedness....and, really, sometimes, I think I could kill them...but who???? Her mom died of her disease and her dad's life is a worse punishment for him than any death could be...and what good would it do anyways????? Just more hurt on top of the hurt that's already there.

I know there's hope and help and recovery and HP to catch us all, but right now I'm just feeling the sad feelings.....

freya

Very touching, thanks for sharing.

Ask God for guidance.

Thank you for sharing that.

sending positive vibes your way...

I did some inner-child work with a therapist, many years ago before I started my own recovory work. In some ways I re-parented myself. I hope that C will continue to grow & learn about herself and find that freedom that for whatever reason, she was denied as a child. (((freya))) (((C)))
Thank you for sharing.

Hello freya
Thanks for sharing

I know it sucks but this burden is hers, not yours.. I mean I totally understand watching wounded parts of a loved one.. but as sad as it is she has to deal with these realities in therapy maybe... you are just giving her what you can (your love and company) and although many times we would like to heal others we can only try and heal ourselves hoping the others will take example

Just my two cents
Good vibes!!

Wow. Thank you for that. It's made me realize some things about me.

Hi Freya, :sorry

I don't really have any ES&H for you, but more of a question. My little girl is a terrible pack rat, she can't throw ANYTHING away, I mean scraps of paper, plastic bottle caps, straws etc, her explanation is also, "But I can use it for something!".

I always just figured it was genetic, I have a little touch of it myself! Would you mind elaborating, maybe share your es&h on the subject of childhood deprivation?

Thanks and God bless us all, :ghug
Coyote

P.S. Thanks for sharing.

Well, as far as my ES&H goes, it's mainly related to my grandmother (mom's side) and a couple of other relatives who grew up in The Great Depression...just mainly having to do with things they did, ways they acted, fears they had that grew out of an underlying scarcity (as opposed to an abundance) mentality. When my grandmother died, it took her three daughters almost 3 months to go through her stuff and clean out her house...some of the stuff she had saved/hoarded was actually a little disturbing...

I mean, I'm talking about pretty extreme stuff here -- like not being able to throw away mail that's obviously just junk and it just piles up and piles up. Or keeping broken pieces of things that one wouldn't be able to find even if one ever decided one wanted to fix it or throw it away.

I can't remember now where or how I found this, but several years ago, while I was researching something else related to addiction, I found an article about extreme hoarding as an addictive behavior.....it was really interesting and made a lot of sense to me based on the people I've known who seem to engage in that behavior to some extent.

..as far as your little girl goes, I don't know if there's anything to worry about, though....2 of my siblings were real pack-rats and they are not anything at all like my partner or my grandmother in adulthood...and when my kids were little (they're both boys) my youngest used to collect a lot or stuff that seemed crazy from an adult perspective, but that all seems -- at this point, he's 21 -- to have just been a childhood thing for him.

freya