MissFixit

Thank you.

I will talk with my therapist at our next meeting about the steps.

Ago

I both agree and disagree with this statement, If I don't have someone else to absolutely "call me on my BS" and "love me enough to tell me the truth" the steps have no practical application in my life and flat out "don't work", but I have worked them out of workbooks, out of AA's Big Book, many ways and got something out of each time, but the way it was explained to me was "ISM" is another way to say "I sponsor myself" which is not recommended because the truth of the matter is I can justify the most errant nonsense to myself. It's also recommended to have someone who has a fairly good "program" themselves to sponsor me so I just don't find someone to "cosign my BS" which I am also fairly adept at finding those people and manipulating the information I give them in order to get the answer I want, a good sponsor sees right through that crap, having spent so many years doing it themselves, it gets to be like looking at a five year old with chocolate all over their face explaining they didn't touch the cake asking, "why do you think I got in the cake?", they just aren't helpful to me, I needed to find someone to give me some "tough love" and was more interested in saving my life then they were in "saving my feelings".

equinessa

I think that working this program, as with any behaviour change will be shaped by how one learns or develops their ideas and subsequent behaviour. I need to talk things over with someone whether it is for the support, approval that I'm doing it right, to "tell on" my AH or something else. I just know that I couldn't do this without the meetings and the sharing. I loved the your reference Ago to "aha" moments. I can relate to that. Insight, it has to be up there as the best feeling for me after so much confusion.....which I know can return anytime. Thank you all so much for being so honest. It's 11pm over here so I'm off to bed with my book.

rlsbb99532

Thank you. I'm new here. Need Help - daughter out of control - she is 28 and last night was dramaville. I am sober 8 years and felt like I was living in a nightmare. She was the last hold on me. I am sad that I have to give her up for now. I have to take care of my sobriety. Boy, does it hurt. I was watching me all over again when i was her age. I am grief stricken at the horrible things she said to me.

MissFixit

rlsbb,

You might consider beginning a new thread with your post, so others might comment.

Sorry for your trouble.

Reminder

Hi MissFixitt:

I live with it. What else can I do? Washington gave the keys to Wall Street to go for a joyride with Main Street in the back seat and wrapped the US economy around a tree. Am I mad? Damn right I am; I am out of work. BTW, how codie is it for Washington to enable Wall Street and then come to their rescue, spending somebody else's money in the process?

The anger is there and if it wasn't there something would seriously be amiss. I can channel that anger in a positive direction and do something about protecting others in the future , much the same way that the founder of MADD (Mothers against drunk driving) did. Or I can wallow in misery, complain about the past, feel sorry for myself, and become a bitter old man. Anger can be a very powerful force for positive change.

Peace.

Wascally Wabbit

I believe in hobbies. Without them i would be totally lost. Art in a sense makes you lose your self in the project. You don't think about all your troubles either. It's how I deal.

twistedruby

risbb - So sorry you're having that trouble with your daughter.
You know you must do what is necessary to save your own sanity.
****{Hug}}}


MissFixit -
I think I've been living with a lot of anger and depression together for a few years because of AH's behavior.....
Anger and depression come out in ways I did not expect.
Feel like there's nothing to grab hold of anymore, for some sense of security.
(My parents have passed on and in 2003, my brother and only sibling was killed by a drunk driver)
I often cannot count on AH for emotional support.....and some of the situations were very damaging to how I feel about him because of his inability to be there for me.
I saw his true colors and they weren't pretty.
He's like a drama queen.....me me me....it's all about me.
Maybe he needs a t-shirt with "It's so involved being me" on it.


I don't know whether to try an anger management course first and then see where I am....or what.

chargingman

Hi, new to these forums, but I've been looking all over online for something to help me through all this. I thought I'd bump this topic rather than create another on essentially the same thing, even though my situation doesn't have to do with alcohol.

My girlfriend of 8 years is currently in recovery. She was an addict long before I met her, she went to rehab and recovered, and she was clean the entire time she was with me. Then around last June she was introduced to cocaine. Within three months she had spent over 4000 dollars on the drug, and she had transformed into someone I didn't recognize. It was just beyond describing what it felt like to have someone you've been close to for 8 years suddenly turn into someone else practically overnight.

Now she's in therapy, has been attending NA meetings every day, and she's been clean for just over a month now. But the problem is my anger about what she did during that time hasn't gone away at all. I can't seem to forgive her for the things she did (lying, using me, etc.) even when I know it was part of her disease. Even minor disagreements between us or little screw-ups on her part now make me horribly furious because it brings out all the anger that I've been trying to bottle up about her addiction.

What can I do to let this anger go? I love her, and she is showing that she is very serious about staying clean, but I still can't forgive her and I still feel so much anger towards her.