Janie53

Need support badly. Binge drinking husband 2 sons 24, out of home 19 at home.
Married 24 years. First years both in recovery (me al anon) and Christians. About 8 years into marriage husband becomes dry, begins verbal abuse towards me primarily. He slowly began drinking again 2 to 3 times a year. I stayed because I have no family, and still wanted to pretend. Also, I wouldn't have been a good single mother. The boys would run all over me. I continued church but, boys activities hampered my meeting attendance. In 2007 I knew I would have to leave when the last one graduated from H.S. One last attempt I got us to The Meadows for intensive week (I would not recommend this place) and he promised to attend one AA meeting a week which he never did. My contract to myself is if he drank again I would leave. Well.... here I am 3 months later living in an RV at a campground. He says I'm crazy, bringing it on myself, the boys don't talk to me and I feel I've wasted the last 24 years. I really didn't have any major expectations except I didn't think the boys would ignore me. I am grieving big time. I've started going to an abusive d wives group which I think is helping more than Al Anon I think his thinking has gotten sicker over the years
Any feedback helpful

denny57

Welcome, Janie53, glad you're here!

Whatever group works best would be the one I'd attend.

I am sorry you are going through this; support groups, here and face to face, can be invaluable. I know what you mean about wasting 24 years. My therapist helped a lot in that area. Today, I believe I might not have chosen to pursue recovery without going through the 18 years with xAH.

Keep posting - you are not alone!

CatsPajamas

It took awhile for my sons and me to rebuild our relationship. They were angry and confused, and so was I. They wondered about me and why I put up with the stuff that I did for so long. They wondered why I didn't do more to protect them. Now, years later, they understand that I was doing the best I could at the time.

I worried a lot about wasted years. Now I realize that I was just living life and learning lessons along the way. I can appreciate where I was because it helped me to get to where I am today.

What worked for me was Al Anon, a good counselor, I also went to some meetings for abused women. I read as much as I could lay my hands on, and I quit worrying about what other people thought. I concentrated on getting as healthy and whole as I could. Once I was better, my relationships started to get better too.

BIG hugs. There are a lot of us here who really do understand what you're going thru.

blessed4x

Since you mentioned you are a Christian, I'll recommend a book I picked up at the library. It's "The Emotionally Destructive Relationship" by Leslie Vernick. I'm not all the way through it yet, but what I have read is very good and encouraging. It is helping me with the guilt about abandoning my vows, which is my own issue and not one my church has imposed on me.

I've been married 21 years, and I keep reminding myself that we have had some really great times. The last 2 or 3 not so much, but I wouldn't change a thing because this is the path I was put on and the lessons I am meant to learn. Everyone has their own trials to get through....this is mine and I pray that when I am through the fire I can pass on some wisdom to someone just starting out as so many here have done for me.

Fulldresser4

Since you are a Christian, I will recommend a group called "Celebrate Recovery". It is a biblically based 12 step program. It was started by an associate Pastor at Rick Warren's Saddleback church. I LOVE it. Look it up online if you like. You will be in my prayers.