revisiting the past
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 167
revisiting the past
I have had therapy on but mostly off for the past 15 years and never confronted talking about my relationship with my father. It wasn't particularly traumatic and I thought I had gone through unscathed.
Going to my first al-anon meeting was an eye opener. During the meeting, a light dawned on me and I strongly suspect that he was an adult child of an alcoholic. Furthermore I have two uncles who are alcoholics and the sons of both those uncles are alcoholics. The girls in the family are either separated and one never married.Well of course, I haven't done as well as I thought because I have married an alcoholic - not that I knew at the time.
I've been reflecting on my childhood, most likely obsessing and revisiting how painful it all was. To the point that my body is squirming around in its skin, same as it did during my teenage years. I think it is worse now because with the insight, I am now seeing victims of alcoholic behaviour in other people that I know casually eg. co-workers, acquaintances. Is this me being paranoid or does anyone know what I mean?
I don't employ destructive behaviours to deal with this and I have a sense that this feeling is temporary so I do want everyone to know that I'm ok but I can't believe at the age of 35 I am still a teenager or worse, 5 years old.
Going to my first al-anon meeting was an eye opener. During the meeting, a light dawned on me and I strongly suspect that he was an adult child of an alcoholic. Furthermore I have two uncles who are alcoholics and the sons of both those uncles are alcoholics. The girls in the family are either separated and one never married.Well of course, I haven't done as well as I thought because I have married an alcoholic - not that I knew at the time.
I've been reflecting on my childhood, most likely obsessing and revisiting how painful it all was. To the point that my body is squirming around in its skin, same as it did during my teenage years. I think it is worse now because with the insight, I am now seeing victims of alcoholic behaviour in other people that I know casually eg. co-workers, acquaintances. Is this me being paranoid or does anyone know what I mean?
I don't employ destructive behaviours to deal with this and I have a sense that this feeling is temporary so I do want everyone to know that I'm ok but I can't believe at the age of 35 I am still a teenager or worse, 5 years old.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
As an adult child of alcoholics, I can pretty much spot another ACoA at twenty paces.
Well, just kidding, but like you I do notice victims much more readily than I used to. It used to be worrisome to me, but now it's just "information", i.e. he's blonde, a little bit tall, athletic, and a little damaged from his crummy childhood. Hope he's working on that. End of thought train.
Hang in there, ICant. WE think you can. (whatever it is you really need the most)
Well, just kidding, but like you I do notice victims much more readily than I used to. It used to be worrisome to me, but now it's just "information", i.e. he's blonde, a little bit tall, athletic, and a little damaged from his crummy childhood. Hope he's working on that. End of thought train.
Hang in there, ICant. WE think you can. (whatever it is you really need the most)
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