I want to leave AH
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 167
I want to leave AH
AH has quit drinking for 10 days but not committed to a recovery program. I am going to Al-Anon and finally 'get it' that I have to operate from a platform of self love and self esteem. Do I just keep going ahead and making arrangements to leave until he tries to recover as opposed to abstaining?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
It depends on what you wnat for you. Personally, I couldn't make decisions based on the maybes of what xAH might or might not do. I had to act in my best interests and let xAH be responsible for his own life.
One thing to remember is that leaving doesn't have to be permanent. There are those who separate and get back together when both parties feel like its what they want to do. If you feel you need to leave now, do so. You can go back if circumstances and your perspective change.
One thing to remember is that leaving doesn't have to be permanent. There are those who separate and get back together when both parties feel like its what they want to do. If you feel you need to leave now, do so. You can go back if circumstances and your perspective change.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
My AH did the same thing a while back. He was miserable, and did his darndest to make the rest of us miserable too. He jumped right back in (at right about 10 days) with both feet and blamed it all on me for not "trying as hard" as he was.
I panicked and thought I had to make a decision to leave then. I did seek legal counsel, stepped back and took a few deep breaths. I have time to make a plan, do what is best for me and the kids financially. I have to keep myself focused on my recovery, and not slip back in to the same old patterns, but I have been able to live with him knowing I am taking care of ME now. If he decides to go to AA, counseling, get serious about his recovery then great.....but that's not my obscession anymore.
I panicked and thought I had to make a decision to leave then. I did seek legal counsel, stepped back and took a few deep breaths. I have time to make a plan, do what is best for me and the kids financially. I have to keep myself focused on my recovery, and not slip back in to the same old patterns, but I have been able to live with him knowing I am taking care of ME now. If he decides to go to AA, counseling, get serious about his recovery then great.....but that's not my obscession anymore.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 66
We Alanoners are notorious for revolving our lives around what other people are going to do or not do. What is going to make YOU happy? If your husband never gets sober, are you ready to say goodbye forever? I left my exA 8 years ago. He is still drinking and drugging. There was a time when I could handle living like that, but today I can't cope with it at all. Fun and exciting has lost its appeal. There are others who can live with an active A and lead a happy life. Ultimately, it is you who has to decide what is best for you.
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