Addicted To Misery...
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Originally Posted by Reminder 
I understand what you are saying. I just question the terminology that is being used. Is it addiction to misery or is it fear of getting out of one's comfort zone that keeps us in abusive relationships? For me, it's the latter and not the former.
L
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
That's a good point, but there are many things one can be addicted to without a gene......L
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This is what I posted. The thread is up in stickies under classic reading I think. It's called ending an addictive relationship, or something like that. 
I read a book a while back called "Evolve Your Brain" by Dr. Joe Dispenza. In it, he made the case, backed up by scientific research, that it really is a form of withdrawal we go through when we change our behavior.
In short, the brain stimulates various glands in our body, which secrete various hormones (chemicals), that surge through our bloodstream and affect our bodies. The cells become accustomed to receiving these hormones and alter themselves to better receive them. When we change our behavior, the brain operates differently and triggers different hormones/chemicals to be released. The cells are used to receiving their regular "dosage" of certain things, and are not at all prepared for something different. So, until our bodies catch up and adapt to the new mix of chemicals, we feel the urge to "go back" to the way things were rather than face the discomfort of changing.
Really interesting reading.
L
In short, the brain stimulates various glands in our body, which secrete various hormones (chemicals), that surge through our bloodstream and affect our bodies. The cells become accustomed to receiving these hormones and alter themselves to better receive them. When we change our behavior, the brain operates differently and triggers different hormones/chemicals to be released. The cells are used to receiving their regular "dosage" of certain things, and are not at all prepared for something different. So, until our bodies catch up and adapt to the new mix of chemicals, we feel the urge to "go back" to the way things were rather than face the discomfort of changing.
Really interesting reading.
L
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
Sounds surprisingly similar to the things the alcoholic says. Like, I'm not an alcoholic, I just drink to relax. Drinking is their "comfort zone."
Hi LTD:
I guess it boils down to how we define the word addiction. Some people have said, "Americans are addicted to foreign oil". Certainly, the word "addicted" here doesn't mean the same as saying, "Americans are addicted to crack cocaine". I don't think that we would find brain scans showing the pleasure center of people's brains being excited while they are filling their tanks with gas made from foreign oil.
As long as we don't equivocate, I don't see a problem. Being addicted to misery is not the same as being addicted to drugs or alcohol. Being addicted to drugs or alcohol may bring a lot of misery to someone, but at least there is a payoff initially. What is the payoff for being addicted to pure misery?
Peace.
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I was addicted to the kinds of activities, people, and stimulation that would end up causing misery to me.
I personally think of it as being the same as an addict with a driving compulsion to numb his/her inner pain & anxiety. My eldest sister was a perfect example - her true addiction was to the absence of anxiety, and when she wasn't drinking, she said, she felt "paralyzed by fear." She was addicted to that result, and was willing to take any number of chemical channels to get there.
In my own life I was compelled, day in and day out, to recreate the only world I had ever known, or else I suffered from severe anxiety. I medicated myself with situations that relieved my anxiety (on a certain level) because, as crappy as they were, they were comfortable and familiar.
I had to quit misery cold turkey, go through a program of recovery, learn new healthier behaviors, and always be careful of conditions that would trigger a relapse to old behaviors.
That's close enough to addiction to me, no matter what Mr. Webster has to say on the matter
I personally think of it as being the same as an addict with a driving compulsion to numb his/her inner pain & anxiety. My eldest sister was a perfect example - her true addiction was to the absence of anxiety, and when she wasn't drinking, she said, she felt "paralyzed by fear." She was addicted to that result, and was willing to take any number of chemical channels to get there.
In my own life I was compelled, day in and day out, to recreate the only world I had ever known, or else I suffered from severe anxiety. I medicated myself with situations that relieved my anxiety (on a certain level) because, as crappy as they were, they were comfortable and familiar.
I had to quit misery cold turkey, go through a program of recovery, learn new healthier behaviors, and always be careful of conditions that would trigger a relapse to old behaviors.
That's close enough to addiction to me, no matter what Mr. Webster has to say on the matter
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Originally Posted by Reminder
Being addicted to drugs or alcohol may bring a lot of misery to someone, but at least there is a payoff initially. What is the payoff for being addicted to pure misery?
For me, some of the payoffs were feeling superior, not having to face my own shortcomings, getting my way, albeit temporarily. I was very manipulative, although I didn't see it at the time. By being with someone who was miserable themselves, and being in a miserable relationship, I could get away with passive-aggressiveness and other behaviors that I never could have pulled off otherwise. Healthy, strong, self-confident people were intimidating to me because in the face of those qualities, I would have to look directly at myself.
L
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
This is what I posted. The thread is up in stickies under classic reading I think. It's called ending an addictive relationship, or something like that.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ithdrawal.html
Mike
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Learning about payoffs was big to me. Also truly grasping the idea of the unconscious. Just like I thought denial was shaking my head back and forth, I thought I was aware of doing things subconsciously, but have come to understand that isn't the case.
As an example, something that just came to me the past week: When I was little my mother always permed my hair before school pictures. I hated having my hair permed and every picture of me from kindergarten through 6th grade shows me with red eyes from crying so much before going to school. This was a huge issue for my mother for reasons I do not know (control?)
When I was 12 years old I saw a publicity picture of Mia Farrow for Rosemary's Baby. I thought she was beautiful. I took the picture down to the town barber and had him give me the cut. I told myself at the time I wanted to look like Mia, that I was being daring and different, etc. I felt so good walking home. I was consciously aware of defying my mother, but in a rebellious teen way. What I recently connected was that subconsciously I was ensuring that I would never be forced to have a perm again.
It seems like a little thing, but as I continue to make these connections, I start to learn more about me and my motives. Messages received and lessons learned young in life have informed me and my choices in ways I never dreamed. I was on autopilot for a long time, yet thought I wasn't.
So I think yes, perhaps someone can become addicted to miserable behavior, but not in a chemical way like drugs and alcohol. That's my take on it, only. And only for now.
Thanks for letting me share.
As an example, something that just came to me the past week: When I was little my mother always permed my hair before school pictures. I hated having my hair permed and every picture of me from kindergarten through 6th grade shows me with red eyes from crying so much before going to school. This was a huge issue for my mother for reasons I do not know (control?)
When I was 12 years old I saw a publicity picture of Mia Farrow for Rosemary's Baby. I thought she was beautiful. I took the picture down to the town barber and had him give me the cut. I told myself at the time I wanted to look like Mia, that I was being daring and different, etc. I felt so good walking home. I was consciously aware of defying my mother, but in a rebellious teen way. What I recently connected was that subconsciously I was ensuring that I would never be forced to have a perm again.
It seems like a little thing, but as I continue to make these connections, I start to learn more about me and my motives. Messages received and lessons learned young in life have informed me and my choices in ways I never dreamed. I was on autopilot for a long time, yet thought I wasn't.
So I think yes, perhaps someone can become addicted to miserable behavior, but not in a chemical way like drugs and alcohol. That's my take on it, only. And only for now.
Thanks for letting me share.
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa
It took a lot of therapy, but one thing I learned is that there is always a payoff, whether consciously or subconsciously . I didn't do the things I did because I was stupid, or naive, or loved being miserable. I was getting something out of it. If you can identify the payoff, you can unlock the secrets to your own behavior.
You are right. Have you ever listened to Eckhart Tolle?
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