Cassey

I am trying to decide if I should talk to my son's best friends mom regarding a situation that my son and her son chose to get themselves into.

I talked to her before regarding a situation where my son left his cell phone over there, and his bestfriend was mad at him, he found the phone and threw it into the street and smashed it. telling everyone around him that he did it and telling all of their mutual friends that he did it. Well one of those friends found out how much trouble my son was in, because this is the second phone that he lost, that they told my son what his bestfriend did.

Well it became a huge issue, the parents are still not talking to me, and we were kinda close. There son lied about it to his parents and the parent took this as their son wouldnt lie, they believed him.

That is done and over and he apologized to my son and they have been hanging out every day again.

Back in the summer, I found out something that the boys were doing, and there were three of them this time, a kinda new kid that they both were hanging around. I already didnt like this new kid they were hanging around and I really tried hard not to be so judgemental and give him a chance.

I found out that they tried smoking pot, and cigarettes, so I put an end to my son hanging around with this kid that I really didnt like. I told my son, that you are not a bad kid and this other kid may not be a bad kid but together you are dangerous. Of course his best friend was involved and in the mix with them. I told my son's best friends mom and no matter that another parent (mutual neighbor) saw her son smoking, she believed her son, because her son denied it, but he did admit to trying pot for the first time with my son.

For my son I didnt take it as seriously as I should have, although I cried with my son, lectured him, told him he couldnt go to the skate park anymore. I felt he genuinley felt bad about the situation, he volunteered not to hang out with this kid anymore, he cried, tried harder for a little while to proove himself. I felt like this was the first time he tried it and so I started trusting him again.

So he has been hanging out with his best friend daily and my son and his best friend (which I feel completly stupid) have been smoking pot and cigarettes atleast a couple of times a week, and honestly I will really never know how often. I didnt find this out until Monday

We had friends over Friday night, they have a son who is in 8th grade, where my son is a sophmore and his best friend is a junior. They were hanging out together Friday night. It was my son, his BF, his BF brother (another 8th grader), and my friends son hanging out.

My friend that was over Friday night, went in his sons room on Monday morning and noticed his sons laptop was not shut, his son just left it open and left the instant messenger open. He was having a conversation with my son's BF on how the four of them were getting High, and smoking. My son tried to get his son not to do it, and told him that he didnt have to if he didnt want to, but his son didnt want to feel like a P**** is what he said.

My son was very surprised that I found out, and he is back to I am sorry, feeling bad, can I do anything for you mom.

I am not sure how to handle this!!!!

So far I have just handled this with my son, talking, lecturing, grounding, I dont know what else I can do with my son. I am looking into getting him counseling, or I am thinking about finding an alanteen program for him, but he is 15 and he is baulking at anything I am suggesting. I cant go to school with him, I cant keep him caged up inside the house, I dont want to take all his friends away from him and cage him like a prisoner.

I havent decided yet if I am going to tell his BF mom or not. My son and his BF involved two 14 year olds, with their choices. His BF is the one with the money and the one who is buying it. His BF convinced my friends son to pitch in, cause he had money on him. Somtimes doing the right thing is the harder thing to do.

What would you all do??????

Pam08

Boy you brought me back to the days of having teenagers. I had good kids but they did try stuff, which I believe is normal. My girls are now 23 and 25, they do not do drugs and occassinally go out for drinks with friends. They are not showing signs of being like me. I raised my kids on the trust side of discipline. I always told them if they lost my trust by lying or doing stuff they know they are not supose to do, we would have alot of issues. My older daughter went thru that a few times with me, and found out that losing trust from mom is not the best thing. I didn't believe anything she said, she lost privileges, I watched her like a hawk and for teens, privacy is very important. I stayed strong on what was acceptable and non acceptable behavior..They are growing, and if you stay strong in what you say they will appreciate that, they know in their hearts you care. I have seen parents who were so strict that kids rebelled, there is a happy medium..not sure I am making much sense, Teenagers are trying to grow up and they experiment, do things without thinking, etc., and I just know it can be a difficult time, you will get thru it ...follow your instincts
About callinig the other parent..I would, that is my thoughts, I had calls from other parents when they found somthing out about my child, and I appreciated it. for I didn't always find out what they were up to without help from other parents. Hopefully the other parent doesn't think that it is the blame game...just being concerned for their child as wellas yours.....and sometimes 2 heads to think this thru is better then one..
Good luck..

Cassey

That is one of my fears, caging him to much, may make him rebell even more. So I am trying to find a happy medium within myself that I am comfortable with.

lagrutke

I would definitely tell the other parents, even if they get mad at you. That is their choice. However, you will know that you did the right thing by increasing their awareness. It's their choice what they do with it.

Good luck!

Live

When I was 13, 3 of us shoplifted trinkets from a grocery store.

Grounded. And grounded meant grounded. I had to go to basketball games because I was in the band, my dad accompanied me, sat right beside me and we left when my band duties were over.

This left a very big impression on me....and I am grateful for it.