How Can I Help My Daughter ? Part 2
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Northern California
Posts: 8
How Can I Help My Daughter ? Part 2
don't want anyone to think I do not love her. I grieve in silence for her on a daily basis. Sometimes I look at her and think, "Whatever happened to this beautiful child I gave birth to?"
This pain I as well as she has been suffering from has been going on for 20 years.
She is one to stay sober for a few months and then suddenly relapse, go out and drink, etc., however, even when she is sober she is verabally abusive.
I would never have talked to my mother this way.
When she was 10 years old, my mother sat her on her knee and told her, "Your mother never gave me a moments trouble".
When I had problems to face in life once I left home, I never confided in my mother. I feel after a mother has raised her children and they are adults, they should work their own problems out.
My mother died 7 years ago, never knowing I ever had a problem with my children.
Please keep me in your prayers for strength to carry this heavy burden.
This pain I as well as she has been suffering from has been going on for 20 years.
She is one to stay sober for a few months and then suddenly relapse, go out and drink, etc., however, even when she is sober she is verabally abusive.
I would never have talked to my mother this way.
When she was 10 years old, my mother sat her on her knee and told her, "Your mother never gave me a moments trouble".
When I had problems to face in life once I left home, I never confided in my mother. I feel after a mother has raised her children and they are adults, they should work their own problems out.
My mother died 7 years ago, never knowing I ever had a problem with my children.
Please keep me in your prayers for strength to carry this heavy burden.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hello Galemarie.
Prayers on the way!
If I take your meaning, the court has ordered that she go into long term treatment or go to jail? Then the choice is hers. She knows what she has to do. I sense you feel some guilt over not being able to make this all go away for her. I'm not a mom, but I can certainly identify with that. All the times Dino was on the brink of jail time I thought he didn't deserve THAT. And I did whatever I could to try to make it go away. Fines. Lawyers. Lies. But the fact was that the natural consequence of his actions was jail. And he did deserve it. He knew the rules. He broke them. Fate intervened and saved him from a lengthy term. I could not have. Please don't torture yourself with what YOU should do to save her. She's the only one who can do that.
I know it's torture to see someone you love bring such consequences on themselves. But SHE is doing it. Not you. It's out of your hands.
Have you attended alanon? If not, I'd urge you to look for a group in your area. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.... so please try to let go of the guilt.
Hugs,
Smoke
Prayers on the way!
If I take your meaning, the court has ordered that she go into long term treatment or go to jail? Then the choice is hers. She knows what she has to do. I sense you feel some guilt over not being able to make this all go away for her. I'm not a mom, but I can certainly identify with that. All the times Dino was on the brink of jail time I thought he didn't deserve THAT. And I did whatever I could to try to make it go away. Fines. Lawyers. Lies. But the fact was that the natural consequence of his actions was jail. And he did deserve it. He knew the rules. He broke them. Fate intervened and saved him from a lengthy term. I could not have. Please don't torture yourself with what YOU should do to save her. She's the only one who can do that.
I know it's torture to see someone you love bring such consequences on themselves. But SHE is doing it. Not you. It's out of your hands.
Have you attended alanon? If not, I'd urge you to look for a group in your area. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.... so please try to let go of the guilt.
Hugs,
Smoke
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Hello (((Gailmarie)))
Most of us know the pain of loving someone we love
with an alcohol problem. But in time we learn that there isn't
anything we can do to make it go away, if they truely want it
and get honest enough in the program they can find sobriety.
As Smoke said we didnt cause it and cant cure it, and that statement is fact so there is no reason to feel guilt.
My daughter is also an alcoholic and has just finished about her 5th detox in a year, she also was in house for ninety days at one point, this time she says she is doing it for herself. Actions will say if this is her time to stay in recovery.
for myself, alanon and my Higher Power have been my salvation and I'm finding out that happiness is for me as long as I continue to seek it and stay in this program of recovery.
This site is wonderful between meetings, there is strong support and you'll feel the love and understanding among us.
Take care of yourself Gail and give the powerlessness to your HP.
Hugs
liddy
Most of us know the pain of loving someone we love
with an alcohol problem. But in time we learn that there isn't
anything we can do to make it go away, if they truely want it
and get honest enough in the program they can find sobriety.
As Smoke said we didnt cause it and cant cure it, and that statement is fact so there is no reason to feel guilt.
My daughter is also an alcoholic and has just finished about her 5th detox in a year, she also was in house for ninety days at one point, this time she says she is doing it for herself. Actions will say if this is her time to stay in recovery.
for myself, alanon and my Higher Power have been my salvation and I'm finding out that happiness is for me as long as I continue to seek it and stay in this program of recovery.
This site is wonderful between meetings, there is strong support and you'll feel the love and understanding among us.
Take care of yourself Gail and give the powerlessness to your HP.
Hugs
liddy
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