Need advice quick! My AexGF has gone nuts!
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Posts: 32
Good post Ago. That was what was going on with me, and now I see it in so many others...I read a book called "Addicted To Misery". It scared the crap out of me at first, but the truth of it helped me REALLY change my life. Heres an excerpt I found particularly eye-opening (and helpful).:
"Getting Familiar With Misery:
Co-dependency teaches us many ways of dealing with life. Unfortunately, these ways often create prolonged unhappiness, making us so familiar with misery that we come to feel it is normal. We learn that being unhappy and having things go wrong is to be expected. Whether our codependency expectations come from the families we grew up in or from living with someone who is dependent, we are prepared for a life with many disappointments, frustrations and misery. Getting used to the traumas and unpredictable situations is hard at first, but we do learn, in order to survive. These experiences shape our thinking such that we imagine and experience situation after situation that is never what we want, never the way it should be, never right. This is where our familiarity with misery begins as a co-dependent.
Pre-existing Developmental Impairments
Children growing up in dysfunctional (another new word) families where things are out of control, develop emotional impairments which stay with them for life. These may take the form of not trusting themselves or others, inability to talk about their feelings, and the most hurtful, the inability to feel their feelings. Imagine the frustration of having something that hurts inside your body, yet not being able to point to where the pain is. Additionally, we become rigid and inflexible, we only like things that are either black or white, right or wrong, and we hate situations that leave unclear results. When that happens, we have feelings of nervousness and anxiety that we can't explain but we suffer with them patiently. As adults we see the world this way and cope with it by seeking ways to deal with our distrust, repression of feelings and rigidity. Avoiding boredom, finding excitement and looking for approval and acceptance become our daily tasks.
These conditions set the emotional stage for us to develop co-dependency. They also dictate the direction that many of our adult interpersonal relationships will take. Tragically, we choose persons to have relationships with for all the wrong reasons like:
"He needs me. I can make him better. Who will take care of him if I don't? I know I can make him happier than he has ever been. I don't think I can get anybody else." These reasons show how we feel about ourselves. Woody Allen had a line in his movie, Annie Hall, that fits co-dependents so well. "I would never want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member."
Who would really take us seriously? Our only real value lies in what we can do for others and that is never appreciated. Our self-image is so poor, our way of addressing feelings so inadequate, that we remain hopelessly stuck. We need to understand the origins of these conditions if any meaningful change is to occur in our lives.
Internalizing Feelings And Our Self-Image
Probably the earliest behavior we learn in getting familiar with misery is to internalize or stuff our feelings. Simply put, this means we don't talk about what feels bad, what feels good, what feels sad or what we feel. Instead, we keep the feelings inside and try to make them go away.
Having to push our emotions inside makes us feel that no one cares. For a child, this is devastating. Unresponsive parents, caught up in their own problems, give children inaccurate messages. The distressed mother, struggling with her alcoholic husband, is oftentimes too preoccupied to deal with the emotional needs of her child. I've seen this over and over with many adult children of alcoholics. They say, "I never talked about how I felt. I was too busy trying to help keep the peace. I never felt anyone cared."
Familiar Versus Unfamiliar Experiences
Power and Control
The experiences of a child living in a dysfunctional home, be it alcoholic, abusive, divorced or emotionally dead, certainly teach two things, first, how important it is to gain as much control in life as possible, and second, never to be powerless over anything because being powerless means to lack control and having no control results in misery.
Dysfunctional families give us the terrible feeling of being out of control and the knowledge of how powerless we are. You make a pact with yourself early in life that, as soon as possible, you will gain control and have power over the events of your life. You can see this happen in young children when they begin withdrawing from people. They shy away from others, especially grownups, and want to be left alone. This is the root of shyness or self-centered fear of what others might think about us. Yet we do this as a way to use our power to stop others from controlling us.
Dependent on Feeling Miserable
As the emotional trauma of our dysfunctional family unfolds, teaching us so many wrong realities, our codependency is spawned. Seeing the world as chaotic, out of control and not meaningful, forces us to learn to cope in poor ways. Yet, living with constant stress causes us to use defenses to deal with the real world. We become defended rather than defensive. The psychic numbing, or repression of memory and feelings, starts the misery which begins the dependency. It is what we come to expect. It is what feels normal. It is what we miss when it is absent. We depend on feeling miserable and we find the uncertainty, when that misery subsides, to be frustrating, worrisome and downright uncomfortable.
Attachment and Detachment
Getting familiar with misery teaches us many painful things. The relationships we form become places of great misery, making loneliness and disassociation the only sanctuary for an absence of misery.
Attachment is a process whereby you become emotionally and physically dependent on someone to take care of you. Children attach to parents as a means of survival. The process is appropriate in that case but when adults attach themselves to other adults, relationships are threatened, power and control issues are great and sick dependencies are spawned.
Even though closeness is avoided, misery addicts and co-dependents often become attached to people and relationships that are destructive, uncaring and unsupportive. The attachment provides a false sense of security and belonging. For most ATMs and co-dependents, fear of abandonment is so great that they will do anything to avoid it. This comes from living in families where people were never really there for them emotionally.
The main problem with attachment is the pain and restriction of freedom experienced by being so emotionally connected to someone. The dependency on this attachment makes it impossible to be independent and secure. Until the co-dependent learns to detach, recovery is threatened.
Detachment is a process of letting go of that "I can't live without this person" feeling. To detach, self-confidence must emerge and the person's self-reliance must take over. When I explain this to my clients, sometimes they think I am suggesting that they stop loving or caring about their spouses or partners. As I discussed earlier, taking care of is a very unhealthy process, though caring for is certainly desirable. Detaching is learning to care for, not take care of. It is a process of becoming un-dependent on the effects of others. This prevents us from being controlled by the emotional needs of others, or worse, trying to change them, as a way to feel better.
Anhedonia
Most of the discussion in this chapter has been to explain the process of how we get familiar with misery. It is important to understand this and see what getting familiar with misery does to us emotionally.
Anhedonia is a psychological condition, defined as the inability to be happy, have fun, or experience common sensual pleasures. Becoming familiar with misery results in just these things. We don't consider ourselves emotionally ill but we find it difficult to balance unpleasant experiences with pleasant ones. As experiences accumulate and we are chronically unhappy and scared, we become anhedonic. Another way to view anhedonia is as a state of numbness. So often, as people seek help, they discover how difficult it is to identify any feelings, after such prolonged exposure to these conditions.
This inability to be happy is not symptomatic only of depression. Certainly, a symptom of depression is the loss of interest in common activities, but that disappears after successful intervention with medication or psychotherapy. This symptom, loss of pleasure, remains only until the biochemical elements kick in, in an endogenous depression caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. In a reactive depression there is a direct causal connection to a situation, e.g. in a divorce, once the person has therapeutically worked through the trauma or crisis, he is able to revert to normal functioning and experience pleasure once again.
Not so with ATMs! ATMs who have left the reactive situations which caused loss of pleasure may continue to have the symptom for up to two years. Their anhedonia is connected to their long familiar history of misery and even when life improves, things just don't feel good.
This condition must be identified and worked with as a treatment issue if the addiction to misery is to be dismantled. Due to chronic unhappy experiences, it will take time for the emotional system to respond to things as they really are. During the recovery period, we will have to work very hard at identifying and processing these good feelings until they are familiar.
Laboratory Experiments
1. Try to remember what the rules were in your home when you were growing up. Identify what your family taught you about your feelings, about trusting and talking. Be specific.
2. If stuffing feelings is what you generally do, think back to when this began. Ask yourself why? Work hard at remembering how feelings were dealt with while you were growing up. List specific situations when you remember not being able to express feelings.
3. Explore what you think was familiar for you as a child about trusting others, risking, caring for yourself.
4. Think about how long you have felt miserable and how many times, when things were going well, you somehow found a way to mess them up and get back to the misery.
"Getting Familiar With Misery:
Co-dependency teaches us many ways of dealing with life. Unfortunately, these ways often create prolonged unhappiness, making us so familiar with misery that we come to feel it is normal. We learn that being unhappy and having things go wrong is to be expected. Whether our codependency expectations come from the families we grew up in or from living with someone who is dependent, we are prepared for a life with many disappointments, frustrations and misery. Getting used to the traumas and unpredictable situations is hard at first, but we do learn, in order to survive. These experiences shape our thinking such that we imagine and experience situation after situation that is never what we want, never the way it should be, never right. This is where our familiarity with misery begins as a co-dependent.
Pre-existing Developmental Impairments
Children growing up in dysfunctional (another new word) families where things are out of control, develop emotional impairments which stay with them for life. These may take the form of not trusting themselves or others, inability to talk about their feelings, and the most hurtful, the inability to feel their feelings. Imagine the frustration of having something that hurts inside your body, yet not being able to point to where the pain is. Additionally, we become rigid and inflexible, we only like things that are either black or white, right or wrong, and we hate situations that leave unclear results. When that happens, we have feelings of nervousness and anxiety that we can't explain but we suffer with them patiently. As adults we see the world this way and cope with it by seeking ways to deal with our distrust, repression of feelings and rigidity. Avoiding boredom, finding excitement and looking for approval and acceptance become our daily tasks.
These conditions set the emotional stage for us to develop co-dependency. They also dictate the direction that many of our adult interpersonal relationships will take. Tragically, we choose persons to have relationships with for all the wrong reasons like:
"He needs me. I can make him better. Who will take care of him if I don't? I know I can make him happier than he has ever been. I don't think I can get anybody else." These reasons show how we feel about ourselves. Woody Allen had a line in his movie, Annie Hall, that fits co-dependents so well. "I would never want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member."
Who would really take us seriously? Our only real value lies in what we can do for others and that is never appreciated. Our self-image is so poor, our way of addressing feelings so inadequate, that we remain hopelessly stuck. We need to understand the origins of these conditions if any meaningful change is to occur in our lives.
Internalizing Feelings And Our Self-Image
Probably the earliest behavior we learn in getting familiar with misery is to internalize or stuff our feelings. Simply put, this means we don't talk about what feels bad, what feels good, what feels sad or what we feel. Instead, we keep the feelings inside and try to make them go away.
Having to push our emotions inside makes us feel that no one cares. For a child, this is devastating. Unresponsive parents, caught up in their own problems, give children inaccurate messages. The distressed mother, struggling with her alcoholic husband, is oftentimes too preoccupied to deal with the emotional needs of her child. I've seen this over and over with many adult children of alcoholics. They say, "I never talked about how I felt. I was too busy trying to help keep the peace. I never felt anyone cared."
Familiar Versus Unfamiliar Experiences
Power and Control
The experiences of a child living in a dysfunctional home, be it alcoholic, abusive, divorced or emotionally dead, certainly teach two things, first, how important it is to gain as much control in life as possible, and second, never to be powerless over anything because being powerless means to lack control and having no control results in misery.
Dysfunctional families give us the terrible feeling of being out of control and the knowledge of how powerless we are. You make a pact with yourself early in life that, as soon as possible, you will gain control and have power over the events of your life. You can see this happen in young children when they begin withdrawing from people. They shy away from others, especially grownups, and want to be left alone. This is the root of shyness or self-centered fear of what others might think about us. Yet we do this as a way to use our power to stop others from controlling us.
Dependent on Feeling Miserable
As the emotional trauma of our dysfunctional family unfolds, teaching us so many wrong realities, our codependency is spawned. Seeing the world as chaotic, out of control and not meaningful, forces us to learn to cope in poor ways. Yet, living with constant stress causes us to use defenses to deal with the real world. We become defended rather than defensive. The psychic numbing, or repression of memory and feelings, starts the misery which begins the dependency. It is what we come to expect. It is what feels normal. It is what we miss when it is absent. We depend on feeling miserable and we find the uncertainty, when that misery subsides, to be frustrating, worrisome and downright uncomfortable.
Attachment and Detachment
Getting familiar with misery teaches us many painful things. The relationships we form become places of great misery, making loneliness and disassociation the only sanctuary for an absence of misery.
Attachment is a process whereby you become emotionally and physically dependent on someone to take care of you. Children attach to parents as a means of survival. The process is appropriate in that case but when adults attach themselves to other adults, relationships are threatened, power and control issues are great and sick dependencies are spawned.
Even though closeness is avoided, misery addicts and co-dependents often become attached to people and relationships that are destructive, uncaring and unsupportive. The attachment provides a false sense of security and belonging. For most ATMs and co-dependents, fear of abandonment is so great that they will do anything to avoid it. This comes from living in families where people were never really there for them emotionally.
The main problem with attachment is the pain and restriction of freedom experienced by being so emotionally connected to someone. The dependency on this attachment makes it impossible to be independent and secure. Until the co-dependent learns to detach, recovery is threatened.
Detachment is a process of letting go of that "I can't live without this person" feeling. To detach, self-confidence must emerge and the person's self-reliance must take over. When I explain this to my clients, sometimes they think I am suggesting that they stop loving or caring about their spouses or partners. As I discussed earlier, taking care of is a very unhealthy process, though caring for is certainly desirable. Detaching is learning to care for, not take care of. It is a process of becoming un-dependent on the effects of others. This prevents us from being controlled by the emotional needs of others, or worse, trying to change them, as a way to feel better.
Anhedonia
Most of the discussion in this chapter has been to explain the process of how we get familiar with misery. It is important to understand this and see what getting familiar with misery does to us emotionally.
Anhedonia is a psychological condition, defined as the inability to be happy, have fun, or experience common sensual pleasures. Becoming familiar with misery results in just these things. We don't consider ourselves emotionally ill but we find it difficult to balance unpleasant experiences with pleasant ones. As experiences accumulate and we are chronically unhappy and scared, we become anhedonic. Another way to view anhedonia is as a state of numbness. So often, as people seek help, they discover how difficult it is to identify any feelings, after such prolonged exposure to these conditions.
This inability to be happy is not symptomatic only of depression. Certainly, a symptom of depression is the loss of interest in common activities, but that disappears after successful intervention with medication or psychotherapy. This symptom, loss of pleasure, remains only until the biochemical elements kick in, in an endogenous depression caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. In a reactive depression there is a direct causal connection to a situation, e.g. in a divorce, once the person has therapeutically worked through the trauma or crisis, he is able to revert to normal functioning and experience pleasure once again.
Not so with ATMs! ATMs who have left the reactive situations which caused loss of pleasure may continue to have the symptom for up to two years. Their anhedonia is connected to their long familiar history of misery and even when life improves, things just don't feel good.
This condition must be identified and worked with as a treatment issue if the addiction to misery is to be dismantled. Due to chronic unhappy experiences, it will take time for the emotional system to respond to things as they really are. During the recovery period, we will have to work very hard at identifying and processing these good feelings until they are familiar.
Laboratory Experiments
1. Try to remember what the rules were in your home when you were growing up. Identify what your family taught you about your feelings, about trusting and talking. Be specific.
2. If stuffing feelings is what you generally do, think back to when this began. Ask yourself why? Work hard at remembering how feelings were dealt with while you were growing up. List specific situations when you remember not being able to express feelings.
3. Explore what you think was familiar for you as a child about trusting others, risking, caring for yourself.
4. Think about how long you have felt miserable and how many times, when things were going well, you somehow found a way to mess them up and get back to the misery.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by steve11694 
what you say describes her as having episodes of delusion. i have seen this also with my aw. it is tragic to see a loved one deteriorate like this.
you or her parents cannot control her. speak to a lawyer.
my heart goes out to both of you
you or her parents cannot control her. speak to a lawyer.
my heart goes out to both of you
If she just started going acting delusional the week before we split up and it seems to be getting worse every day.
She's being admitted to rehab tomorrow for 4 weeks.
Is there a chance that these "delusions" diminish? That she sees things in a different light? Or are they progressive?
Basically, I'm just happy right now that I don't have to deal with any of this insanity for 4 weeks. I figured she just needed time to calm down. I'm starting to think it might get worse, or if she keeps acting like this, she will either get kicked out or check herself out of the rehab center.
I could post the other e-mails that she sent me yesterday and today but they are getting increasingly abusive and violent. She has become completely unreasonable. If I try to defend a point she is trying to make or I dissagree with her, she completely loses her mind and threathens me. I feel like she has completely lost her mind. This is the complete opposite of the person she was just 2 weeks ago. It's scaring me.
Anyways, anyone have any experience with how long these delusions generally last? Should I try to get a restraining order against her for when she gets out of rehab? Or should I wait to see how she's acting?
I'm still hoping we can settle this peacfully and without legal implications.
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
Originally Posted by Despair
Anyways, anyone have any experience with how long these delusions generally last? Should I try to get a restraining order against her for when she gets out of rehab? Or should I wait to see how she's acting?
Perhaps some healing will occur for her there that will help the two of you navigate this separation with greater grace and understanding.
I don't have any advice about the restraining order - if you feel you are in physical danger please take steps to protect yourself.
My husband acted totally nutso for about 2 weeks (got arrested, passed out on the driveway, threatened pursuing sole custody, etc....) then came back to his senses.
I doubt there is any firm "time-frame" for this kind of behavior, but her stint in rehab can't hurt anything! It is good that the house issue will not have to be addressed so immediately - 4 weeks gives you a chance to get some perspective (and some sleep!).
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 59
Yeah... sleep will do me some good.
As well as the constant worrying about what I'm going to come home too and wondering who is in my house while I'm at work.
I'm still worried about what I'm going to come home to tonight.
She had told me that she would be going back to the house today in an e-mail.
I figured it would be better to warn her in advance that I changed the locks so that she wouldn't freak out immediately when she found out while on the property.
She freaked out all right. I've been called every dirty name in the book via e-mail today. I've been threatened. She told me she told everyone we know that I am extremely abusive and everyone wants to kick my ass. Apparently her parents aren't going to pay for a house she isn't living in.
Which is just funny and goes to show that she is full of it. I just spoke to her parents 2 days ago and they were very supportive of me. They don't know what's going on with their daughter. They tell me they're not paying for any lawyers and they agree with me that she needs to relax. They told me they don't believe all the terrible things she's saying about me.
It's just frustrating that she's spreading these lies and delusions around. It just ends up making me suffer more than I have to.
Is there anyway to have her forcefully admitted for a psychiatric evaluation if she continues down this path and it's still just as bad once she's out of rehab?
She is completely impossible to deal with or reason with at this time.
As well as the constant worrying about what I'm going to come home too and wondering who is in my house while I'm at work.
I'm still worried about what I'm going to come home to tonight.
She had told me that she would be going back to the house today in an e-mail.
I figured it would be better to warn her in advance that I changed the locks so that she wouldn't freak out immediately when she found out while on the property.
She freaked out all right. I've been called every dirty name in the book via e-mail today. I've been threatened. She told me she told everyone we know that I am extremely abusive and everyone wants to kick my ass. Apparently her parents aren't going to pay for a house she isn't living in.
Which is just funny and goes to show that she is full of it. I just spoke to her parents 2 days ago and they were very supportive of me. They don't know what's going on with their daughter. They tell me they're not paying for any lawyers and they agree with me that she needs to relax. They told me they don't believe all the terrible things she's saying about me.
It's just frustrating that she's spreading these lies and delusions around. It just ends up making me suffer more than I have to.
Is there anyway to have her forcefully admitted for a psychiatric evaluation if she continues down this path and it's still just as bad once she's out of rehab?
She is completely impossible to deal with or reason with at this time.
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Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Can you stop reading and reacting to her emails and calls for a while? Is it necessary to communicate with her or can you put that on hold, if only for a while so you can have time to figure out more fully what you want to do?
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by Barbara52
Can you stop reading and reacting to her emails and calls for a while? Is it necessary to communicate with her or can you put that on hold, if only for a while so you can have time to figure out more fully what you want to do?
It's basically a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I can't wait to feel secure again. This has reached the point of insanity.
She certainly knows how to push my buttons and make me feel like I'm backed into a corner.
I can't wait to be able to breath again. Right now, I'm just relieved I didn't come home to any broken windows and missing items.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I'm glad you will have a bit of a breather from the drama. Take this opportunity to work on you. Make some steps to getting inside your own head and understnad yourself.
One thing:
No one is powerful enough to make you feel anything. That's all you. Perhaps start by looking into just why you feel this way?
One thing:
Originally Posted by Despair
make me feel like I'm backed into a corner.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
She can not quick claim the deed. You are right that half of everything is yours and hers. I would NOT have any contact with her what-so-ever. In fact I would have a report written that she came in and took items out of the house. While in the process of the divorce it is illegal for anyone to remove or sell anything.
Her father can not do a dang thing about it because her daughter signed the deed. She knows that and he knows that.
Hire an attorney or file for divorce first but whatever you do, do NOT sign her off on anything, do not give her anything.
See an attorney immediatly. ASAP........like yesturday.
This is going to get ugly and it sounds like her father is playing into her game.
Her father can not do a dang thing about it because her daughter signed the deed. She knows that and he knows that.
Hire an attorney or file for divorce first but whatever you do, do NOT sign her off on anything, do not give her anything.
See an attorney immediatly. ASAP........like yesturday.
This is going to get ugly and it sounds like her father is playing into her game.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 106
Okay, this is just my perspective so take it for what it's worth. It sounds to me like you're in a panic because you see your life falling apart in front of you. You're wanting to hold on to all of the hopes and dreams that went along with the relationship, but in doing so, it also means holding onto a girlfriend who now sees you as the enemy.
If you try to 'force' her to stay in a relationship with you, either because of the house or posessions or because of what you think you're owed, she isn't going to react well. Right now, she probably thinks that you're the cause of all of the bad things in her life (I'm not saying that this is right at all, but it sounds like what she's doing). If she's acting like a crazy person, then there's no way you can logically counter-react other than not reacting at all.
A lot of people on here have counseled you to back off a bit, take care of yourself and forget about her for a while. That's really good advice. I've been in your situation before--where your life blows up in front of you and your mind scrambles to find something, anything that you might do or say to make it better. Sometimes, letting go of control brings you more control. At least it might bring you peace.
If you try to 'force' her to stay in a relationship with you, either because of the house or posessions or because of what you think you're owed, she isn't going to react well. Right now, she probably thinks that you're the cause of all of the bad things in her life (I'm not saying that this is right at all, but it sounds like what she's doing). If she's acting like a crazy person, then there's no way you can logically counter-react other than not reacting at all.
A lot of people on here have counseled you to back off a bit, take care of yourself and forget about her for a while. That's really good advice. I've been in your situation before--where your life blows up in front of you and your mind scrambles to find something, anything that you might do or say to make it better. Sometimes, letting go of control brings you more control. At least it might bring you peace.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by Stubborn1
She can not quick claim the deed. You are right that half of everything is yours and hers. I would NOT have any contact with her what-so-ever. In fact I would have a report written that she came in and took items out of the house. While in the process of the divorce it is illegal for anyone to remove or sell anything.
Her father can not do a dang thing about it because her daughter signed the deed. She knows that and he knows that.
Hire an attorney or file for divorce first but whatever you do, do NOT sign her off on anything, do not give her anything.
See an attorney immediatly. ASAP........like yesturday.
This is going to get ugly and it sounds like her father is playing into her game.
Her father can not do a dang thing about it because her daughter signed the deed. She knows that and he knows that.
Hire an attorney or file for divorce first but whatever you do, do NOT sign her off on anything, do not give her anything.
See an attorney immediatly. ASAP........like yesturday.
This is going to get ugly and it sounds like her father is playing into her game.
In fact, her father just came by a few moments ago to pick up her boots so she'd have them with rehab. He said he'd be back on the weekend to give me some money to help with the mortgage.
Both her parents know very well that she is at a stage of lying and blaming everything on others. Everyone involved just want her to get better.
I mean, what kind of father who would seriously believe her outrageous claims of abuse would come over and offer to give you money for the mortgage when he has no court order to do so. It's just a tragic situation.
I'm looking forward to my two weeks of freedom. It's very difficult to keep trying to focus on myself while I keep letting her get to me. I'm hoping I can let go of a lot of the stress and get to reading my books and starting to enjoy myself again.
I must say, I have been doing much better than when she first left me. I guess her outrageous behaviors have greatly increased my ability to begin to detach. I mean, if I actually believed half the things she was saying about me, I'd probably want to kill myself. haha.
Thanks for all the support and advice. I appreciate it.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by ClimbingUP
Okay, this is just my perspective so take it for what it's worth. It sounds to me like you're in a panic because you see your life falling apart in front of you. You're wanting to hold on to all of the hopes and dreams that went along with the relationship, but in doing so, it also means holding onto a girlfriend who now sees you as the enemy.
If you try to 'force' her to stay in a relationship with you, either because of the house or posessions or because of what you think you're owed, she isn't going to react well. Right now, she probably thinks that you're the cause of all of the bad things in her life (I'm not saying that this is right at all, but it sounds like what she's doing). If she's acting like a crazy person, then there's no way you can logically counter-react other than not reacting at all.
A lot of people on here have counseled you to back off a bit, take care of yourself and forget about her for a while. That's really good advice. I've been in your situation before--where your life blows up in front of you and your mind scrambles to find something, anything that you might do or say to make it better. Sometimes, letting go of control brings you more control. At least it might bring you peace.
If you try to 'force' her to stay in a relationship with you, either because of the house or posessions or because of what you think you're owed, she isn't going to react well. Right now, she probably thinks that you're the cause of all of the bad things in her life (I'm not saying that this is right at all, but it sounds like what she's doing). If she's acting like a crazy person, then there's no way you can logically counter-react other than not reacting at all.
A lot of people on here have counseled you to back off a bit, take care of yourself and forget about her for a while. That's really good advice. I've been in your situation before--where your life blows up in front of you and your mind scrambles to find something, anything that you might do or say to make it better. Sometimes, letting go of control brings you more control. At least it might bring you peace.
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Originally Posted by Despair
Does anyone have any experience with this?
If she just started going acting delusional the week before we split up and it seems to be getting worse every day.
She's being admitted to rehab tomorrow for 4 weeks.
Is there a chance that these "delusions" diminish? That she sees things in a different light? Or are they progressive?
.
If she just started going acting delusional the week before we split up and it seems to be getting worse every day.
She's being admitted to rehab tomorrow for 4 weeks.
Is there a chance that these "delusions" diminish? That she sees things in a different light? Or are they progressive?
.
Sure the delusions can resolve, especially if they are due to alcohol. First the rehab will remove the alcohol and anything else she may be using. Once the chemicals no longer are effecting mentation they will see if she has any underlying psychiatric problems, and address them also if present.
Delusions are not uncommon in alcoholics and drug users. Heck, even vey sick people in ICU's on steroids can become delusional.
Sure delusions are scary for family and loved ones to see, but for addicts, simply part of the journey.
Can you visit her parents and give both of them a big hug? believe me they are going through hell also.
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Christopher Nolan (author - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
Christopher Nolan is an Irish poet and author. Nolan grew up in Mullingar, Ireland, but later moved to Dublin to attend college. He was educated at the Central Remedial Clinic School, Mount Temple Comprehensive School and at Trinity College, Dublin. Nolan has won the Whitbread Book Award, for his autobiography.
Due to birth complications, Nolan was born with cerebral palsy, and can only move his head and eyes. To write, Nolan uses a special computer and keyboard; in order to type, his mother, Bernadette Nolan, holds his head in her hands while Christopher painstakingly picks out each word, letter by letter, with a pointer attached to his forehead. He communicates with others by moving his eyes, using a signal system.
For more information, see the article in the Christian Science Monitor, January 27, 1988: A voice from a mute world sings. Irish poet's prose captures Britain's Whitbread prize
Rock band U2, who attended school with Nolan, wrote their song "Miracle Drug" (from How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb) about him. [1]
Bono said of Nolan:
“ We all went to the same school and just as we were leaving, a fellow called Christopher Nolan arrived. He had been deprived of oxygen for two hours when he was born, so he was paraplegic. But his mother believed he could understand what was going on and used to teach him at home. Eventually, they discovered a drug that allowed him to move one muscle in his neck. So they attached this unicorn device to his forehead and he learned to type. And out of him came all these poems that he'd been storing up in his head. Then he put out a collection called Dam-Burst of Dreams, which won a load of awards and he went off to university and became a genius. All because of a mother's love and a medical breakthrough.
================================================== ====
I was reading recently what this song meant and really related to it. I have a teenage son with Autism who is non verbal and struggles with life every day.People with this disorder suffer often suffer from sensory overload. His tenacity never ceases to amaze me and he never gives up. "I want to trip inside your head, spend the day there......To hear the things you haven't said and see what you might see. I want to hear you when you call. Do you feel anything at all? I want to see your thoughts take shape and walk right out" I've thought those thoughts so many times. Bless U2 for one of the most moving songs I've ever heard. I'm waiting for that Miracle Drug!
- Rose, Gisborne, New Zealand
http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=5989
Christopher Nolan is an Irish poet and author. Nolan grew up in Mullingar, Ireland, but later moved to Dublin to attend college. He was educated at the Central Remedial Clinic School, Mount Temple Comprehensive School and at Trinity College, Dublin. Nolan has won the Whitbread Book Award, for his autobiography.
Due to birth complications, Nolan was born with cerebral palsy, and can only move his head and eyes. To write, Nolan uses a special computer and keyboard; in order to type, his mother, Bernadette Nolan, holds his head in her hands while Christopher painstakingly picks out each word, letter by letter, with a pointer attached to his forehead. He communicates with others by moving his eyes, using a signal system.
For more information, see the article in the Christian Science Monitor, January 27, 1988: A voice from a mute world sings. Irish poet's prose captures Britain's Whitbread prize
Rock band U2, who attended school with Nolan, wrote their song "Miracle Drug" (from How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb) about him. [1]
Bono said of Nolan:
“ We all went to the same school and just as we were leaving, a fellow called Christopher Nolan arrived. He had been deprived of oxygen for two hours when he was born, so he was paraplegic. But his mother believed he could understand what was going on and used to teach him at home. Eventually, they discovered a drug that allowed him to move one muscle in his neck. So they attached this unicorn device to his forehead and he learned to type. And out of him came all these poems that he'd been storing up in his head. Then he put out a collection called Dam-Burst of Dreams, which won a load of awards and he went off to university and became a genius. All because of a mother's love and a medical breakthrough.
================================================== ====
I was reading recently what this song meant and really related to it. I have a teenage son with Autism who is non verbal and struggles with life every day.People with this disorder suffer often suffer from sensory overload. His tenacity never ceases to amaze me and he never gives up. "I want to trip inside your head, spend the day there......To hear the things you haven't said and see what you might see. I want to hear you when you call. Do you feel anything at all? I want to see your thoughts take shape and walk right out" I've thought those thoughts so many times. Bless U2 for one of the most moving songs I've ever heard. I'm waiting for that Miracle Drug!
- Rose, Gisborne, New Zealand
http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=5989
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