CNMC2C

As I'm focusing on myself and working on all of the issues that I have (codependency, enabling, food issues,etc), I'm finding that I am really angry with myself for allowing all of the insane things that transpired during my relationship with with my EXABF to happen. I realize now that I should have loved myself enough to understand that I deserve better and should have walked at the first sign of insanity, but instead I chose to stay in a toxic relationship and try to fix everything......which left me being a heaping, neurotic mess. I'm new to the idea of dealing with feelings in a healthy way and am really struggling with getting past these intense feelings of resentment/anger that I have toward myself and feel sort of stalled. Any thoughts/advice on how to get past this would be much appreciated.

GiveLove

I stayed mad at myself too for a long time, and I couldn't really figure out why.

Well, that's not entirely true. I've always been harder on myself than anyone else was. And that's something I had to get through with some coaching and lots of inner work. I'm better now. BUT...

For me, I stayed mad until I really felt like I learned the lessons all of it had to teach me. If I could've left that relationship 100% sure that I would never, ever make those choices again, I don't think I would've been as angry with myself. In my case, the anger served a purpose: pay attention, GL, and make sure you fully understand why you did what you did.

You may find that, if you're a little gentler with yourself, you actually had some very good, compassionate reasons for the decisions you made at the time. Maybe there were some fears that you had to work through. Or you had to be absolutely sure before you broke away. In any case, you are wiser now and will make better choices from here on out (if you allow yourself to process all the "whys" without judgment)

Julia Campbell says, "We've all done the best we could, with the light we had to see by at the time."

That means you too

Bernadette

Well it didn't make it magically go away but I found that by finding some gratitude for "waking up" I am able to let myself off the hook (for a few minutes anyway ;-)

I mean I could still be in the dark.
In that kind of pain.
I could have died like that, just unconscious and unaware.
I am grateful that I am not where I was!!

Every day out from under my past mistakes is a glorious day to do with as I choose. I feel I have so many more choices now.

The past is gone, CNMC2C, you are free in this moment!
Peace-
B.

cagefree

Someone once told me (Taz) that step 4 helps with anger - that ticket me off big time LOL! I later came to realize things that tick me off have valuable lessons behind them - including what Taz said.

I hear form your post that you are doing step 4 - looking at your ownership. I too was angry at myself for a long time...I realized that I had never been given tools to treat myself with respect and dignity and like Anvilhead said - I did the best I could do with what I had at the time.

Considering what I did NOT have growing up I am amazed that I felt I deserved enough to leave my unhealthy relationship with XABF. I give myself big kudos for that.

Anger really hurt and was oh so uncomfortable for me (((hugs)))

I still have problems seeing my self worth and am still working on forgiving myself. I had not given inner shild work a chance until recently - I plan on doing a lot of inner child work in the near future to help with this.

tommyk

Maybe consider not wasting your time with regrets of the past, concentrate on today.

Just for today.

Bornwet

I'm a strong believer in the works by Eckhart Tolle - "The Power of Now" & "A New Earth"...

When you hold resentments toward others, you bind those individuals to you energetically. As you cycle over past transgressions in your mind, replaying the memories, you lock yourself in bondage to past experience. These trapped memories are stockpiled in the subconscious mind and, unbeknownst to you, subtly flavor all new experiences. Rather than living a new reality in every moment, you recycle past resentments over and over.

Every moment is truly new. Every moment is filled with possibility. Try to constantly empty the mind, giving up old moments in favor of unlimited possibility. No matter what has come before, a new reality is possible this moment. No matter how "bad" your day has been, you have the power to create the best day of your life.

"There were many terrible things in my life and most of them never happened."

denny57

I was 48 years old before I said those words, both to me and the alcoholic. Today I cannot fathom that I believed I was not worthy of both. This self worth thing has been a challenge for me but it's working!

((( )))