Are They Supposed To Be Telling Him This??
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
The Big Book is not the bible, and Bill and Lois were not Adam and Eve.
Bill W was a known womanizer, so it comes as no surprise to me that he would want to stay out of any "controversy" over sexual matters LOL.
It is a myth that Lois W started Al Anon. Almost 90 groups had sprung up independently in North America (one in Cape Town) - mostly by wives of alcoholics attending AA meetings - it's generally believed the first was in Canada. When Bill W learned of this, he asked his wife, Lois, to create a clearing house where they could all interact with each other.
I've never seen a written rule that says no new relationships in the first year of recovery, but I've seen and heard it strongly suggested. Today, I can look back and see that in my first year of recovery I was attracted to men I would not be today. I'm glad I did not complicate that important first year with trying to maintain a healthy relationship. I had no idea what one was.
Bill W was a known womanizer, so it comes as no surprise to me that he would want to stay out of any "controversy" over sexual matters LOL.
It is a myth that Lois W started Al Anon. Almost 90 groups had sprung up independently in North America (one in Cape Town) - mostly by wives of alcoholics attending AA meetings - it's generally believed the first was in Canada. When Bill W learned of this, he asked his wife, Lois, to create a clearing house where they could all interact with each other.
I've never seen a written rule that says no new relationships in the first year of recovery, but I've seen and heard it strongly suggested. Today, I can look back and see that in my first year of recovery I was attracted to men I would not be today. I'm glad I did not complicate that important first year with trying to maintain a healthy relationship. I had no idea what one was.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
You have gotten some amazing advice here. Truly I am in awe of you folks right now. There is some real recovery here.
I am new in recovery. I have a little over six months. I have been married a little over 9 years, so I have no choice on whether I can just focus on me but I would rather have my family and learn how to balance that with recovery.
BUT if I did not have a family, I would put a pause on any relationship that I was in, to give myself time to focus on my recovery. The only thing that I might add is that I think you should also look at your part, your motivation. You have only known this guy while he has loaded or newly sober, right? That does not seem like a very safe choice for a new boyfriend. Do you know what you are getting yourself into, even under the best of circumstanes? Best case, recovery will be a HUGE part of his life, for the rest of his life. Potentially for your future that means no glass of wine with dinner, beer on vacation, chanpagne on New Years Eve, etc. This is going to be huge for him to accept at 21. And you too, I would imagine. Not as good scenarios involve relapse, treatment, DUI's, etc.
My point is that is a lot for you to take on at this age, for a new boyfriend. And it is a lot for him to risk, for a new girlfriend. I hope this did not come across as harsh. But reality is not always pretty. I wish you both the very best.
I am new in recovery. I have a little over six months. I have been married a little over 9 years, so I have no choice on whether I can just focus on me but I would rather have my family and learn how to balance that with recovery.
BUT if I did not have a family, I would put a pause on any relationship that I was in, to give myself time to focus on my recovery. The only thing that I might add is that I think you should also look at your part, your motivation. You have only known this guy while he has loaded or newly sober, right? That does not seem like a very safe choice for a new boyfriend. Do you know what you are getting yourself into, even under the best of circumstanes? Best case, recovery will be a HUGE part of his life, for the rest of his life. Potentially for your future that means no glass of wine with dinner, beer on vacation, chanpagne on New Years Eve, etc. This is going to be huge for him to accept at 21. And you too, I would imagine. Not as good scenarios involve relapse, treatment, DUI's, etc. My point is that is a lot for you to take on at this age, for a new boyfriend. And it is a lot for him to risk, for a new girlfriend. I hope this did not come across as harsh. But reality is not always pretty. I wish you both the very best.
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