Stuck in the past, or in my own head

Old 11-18-2008, 05:03 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
 
TakingCharge999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hello friends,

Thanks for your great comments. I will create another thread based on that... I really need to vent and get my feelings out there in a safe place.

And thanks for the advice, I will write down the reasons why he is a jerk... obviously after some time passed you think about the nice things but we need to remember all the package and the fact that there are things that are not negotiable in a relation (such as our dignity!!)
TakingCharge999 is offline  
Old 11-18-2008, 07:41 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 149
youre right! dignity. i seem to have forgotten or had lost mine. thanks!!
genrs123 is offline  
Old 11-19-2008, 04:17 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
 
TakingCharge999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi genrs and everyone, just wondering how you are doing. I love this thread and read all the messages daily. Everything you say applies to me 100%

Have you considered taking up yoga? our mind is constantly teasing us with all sorts of destructive ideas. I used to do yoga daily and I just started once again, it felt wonderful to "disconnect" from my mind and from the everlasting, nagging thoughts about the ex, even just for a few minutes, and create some space where I feel myself and feel free. If anyone has the chance to do it, I am a fan :>

Another tip in therapy is to draw a little monster and call it "envy", "melancholy" or whatever feeling you suffer most and paste it somewhere in your room or workplace. So anytime you think something negative you can turn to the little clumsy drawing and know it's this little monster's voice and let it be. So you, your soul, your heart and dreams, the real part of yourself does not get confused with the destructive thoughts of the ego, the past, the future...

There is also a visualization where you imagine the other person and all the ties you have with them, and you burn those dark heavy ties, or cut them or destroy them somehow...

It may sound silly but I am planning to do it and will tell you how it worked.

Today I can tell you that my ex came to say "hi" and then to ask something work-related and then came again to say "bye". I acted indifferent everytime, never asked about how he is doing or the weekend or anything, and although I felt very sad when I listen to him laughing I am no longer in bersek mode crying on the restroom. So at least something is changing..

When I am not mourning, I think about my idea of love. Love is WONDERFUL and free and has nothing to do with pain, drama, hurt, ALCOHOL, escape from reality, expectations that go lower and lower... for instance there are friends that we love and we just want the best for them, and we have the best of times when we can be together but we do not worry or obsess about them when they are away. For the next guy I am planning to be friends for a very,very long time before anything happens. I am planning to protect my heart. I have been with a number of losers but it is enough

As the Madonna song says (You'll see) "you think that I have lost my faith in Love" well for once I still believe in romantic love and I choose to believe that

-me idealizing and obsessing about an ALCOHOLIC is a sign of how bad my self esteem is. I mean, if I had an extremely nice, caring, wonderful man and I lost him, it would be understandable to feel very sad, but what did my ex give me? almost nothing that made me feel good about myself, just a few words here and there and meaningless promises. Why do I miss being badly treated?

-NO ONE can define me, I define myself every moment.. what other people think or say is about them, never EVER about me.. the alcoholics are not more important than us. What I have been is not who I am now and is not who I will be in the future

- "you are still out there!" is the thought I dedicate to the real love of my life that I know I am closer to, by knowing myself better and starting to care more about me, my health and my ideals.. I imagine what life has in store for me.. I am very noble, never out to hurt anyone in purpose and I give all what I've got when I'm with someone.. sometimes with dreary consequences but just as I can suffer a lot I can enjoy life a lot too! :> soon with someone who values who I am from the start, who respects my feelings, someone interesting and humble that can realize his own mistakes and ACT, someone who constantly evolves and builds a better future, like ourselves.

I wish that for all of you as well !!

Cheers from Mexico

PS Also another uplifting song is Bjork / All is full of love... nice message!
TakingCharge999 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:13 PM.