I'm new to Alanon

Old 11-12-2008, 05:41 PM
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I'm new to Alanon

Ok so I've been in recovery for a little over 4 years and I've seen many AA's going into Alanon as well... I thought this was laughable. Shouldn't we of all people know how to deal with alcoholics? I'm not thinking it so laughable now. Over the past year my step father has been drinking more and more. I did an impromptu intervention on both he and my mom, although I was avoiding it like the plague. Denial I suppose. They saw me threw my addiction but they're the parents not me... ugh. Anyway, after the intervention it seemed that things were getting better but as a lot of us know... things get worse before they get better. The first acknowledgement of a problem was about a year ago. I'm finding myself unable to stay out of their business and live my own life, much to the dismay of my mom. She wants me to stay the daughter and I appreciate her for that. Mom has since gotten much better and as far as I know she hasn't been drinking. My step dad is another story. I thought he had killed himself today and I was hysterical. I knew I was overreacting on some level but still. He had relapsed after going to detox for the second time a few weeks ago. He's fine btw, just drunk. He got a sponsor today which is a huge step. I just hope he remembers doing it. Jesus this really is consuming me. I've been crying a good bit of the day. I want to save him and I know I can't. He's been trying every way except AA which I suppose I can relate to but I just want to beat it into his head anyway. help??
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Old 11-12-2008, 06:11 PM
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The hardest thing of all is to let them make their own choices, isn't it? Do you have the support of a counselor or Al-Anon group or anyone who you can turn to in the "hysterical" times? These times finally became further and further apart for me as I realized that my sisters & parents were likely to die from their disease and there wasn't a single thing I could do to stop them. But I survived them because I'd built a support group whom I could pick up the phone and call when I felt this surge of the need to control.

You know the drill: you didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control it. There's no "beating it into their heads"...if there were, we'd all be doing it. All you can do is keep your own recovery intact and pray that their HP will intervene on their behalf. Hugs to you to get through this time okay

:ghug3
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Old 11-12-2008, 06:20 PM
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Well I've got my sponsor and I'm waiting on her to call me back.

Thank God I don't live in the same state or I think I'd be a real basketcase. Thank you very much for your input
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Old 11-12-2008, 06:23 PM
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I'm a recent "double winner" too. ** HUGS **
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Old 11-12-2008, 06:31 PM
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Heck, I had to MOVE to another state just so it wouldn't kill me inside.

Some have gotten better (my A brother for example); some didn't. Letting them walk their own path was ridiculously hard (isn't it???? god) It's horrible to say, but I think that for some people, their path is to die of their addiction. My older sister's death made me a sort of "evangelist" to help friends & family of alcoholics, where I can try to help thousands more people.....if she had gotten better, I wouldn't be here. We can't second guess why things turn out this way, I guess.... Still soooo sad though.

Good luck, and peace
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Old 11-12-2008, 06:59 PM
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So I just got off the phone with my sponsor and she just let me have it! LOL! Ok so maybe I handled everything today pretty badly. I yelled at my step dad and acted like I was HIS sponsor which wasn't exactly the wisest or most helpful thing. It's that time of the month too so I'm not really handling anything that well right now. Thank God for sponsors!

Having gone through many of the threads on this site, I am inspired. Thank you so much for all of your input. You have amazing outlooks and I needed that today.
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Old 11-12-2008, 07:07 PM
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Yay! Yet another way to stalk you!

-yr mom
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Old 11-12-2008, 08:03 PM
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Hi Aamanda and welcome to this forum. Right now I'm concentrating on my own sobriety. I am putting down a solid foundation (have 30 days today) and then will return to
Al Anon and the issues I have as regarding my codie behavior. In fact, I went out and bought a few books today. This forum has been a huge help
to me. Looking forward to getting to know you better. PM me anytime.
Sure is great to see you and another someone here.
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Old 11-12-2008, 08:04 PM
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Originally Posted by PeggyT View Post
Yay! Yet another way to stalk you!

-yr mom
Hi Someone!:ghug3
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Old 11-13-2008, 07:19 AM
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a reunion! :-D
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