londonvanpelt

I am having a bit of trouble with trust issues. I had recently started my own business and found a partner. We met and discussed various aspects of the business. I spoke with him on the phone and told him I would be meeting with a client. He suggested he would do some work over the weekend and provide me with the paperwork before the meeting. I never heard from him. I knew what I wanted to discuss with the owner, so it's not like I would have been lost without the paperwork. He contacted me this morning and apologized, but now I do not trust him to be a partner. I know people make mistakes, but I feel there was no excuse for his behavior. I can't trust him anymore and I feel like the bad guy!

Laan

There's no need to feel like a bad guy - it's like you say, everybody makes mistakes.

There can be 2 answers to this:

1. Your sense is trying to warn you against some bad situation or
2. Your life experiences have corrupted your mind to believe just about anybody is not trustworthy.

Maybe try to not rush into any rash decisions that may be regretted at a later stage due to option 2....but think your decision through thoroughly.

I know, it's hard to discern which is the right option, but so we learn hey.

Good luck!

londonvanpelt

I have thought about this and realized that healthy relationships are built upon trust. He violated the trust and now the relationship is unhealthy. He has shown me he is not trustworthy by his actions. He mentioned going out drinking and playing pool with his friends too which kind of made me feel uncomfortable since he has two children at home. I just don't see that as normal behavior for a man with a family.

Ago

I would recheck "option 2" back there just based on the "playing pool" statement and carefully reread what Laan was trying to say.

I am a sober alcoholic.

I don't go to bars or go play pool.

However, many of my "normal" friends engage in some sort of "boys night out" activity, whether it's bowling, mountain bike riding, monday night football, playing pool etc. and they are good fathers, good employees, good friends, and good men.

if that's his "whole life" then by no means should you have him as a partner, but even God got to rest on the seventh day last I checked.

Him dropping the ball is a complete and separate issue then playing pool....unless, once again, he drinks all the time, in which case, it's possible you don't want to go into business with a practicing alcoholic, but Laan made what I thought was a good point with "no snap decisions"

Bernadette

While I agree healthy relationships have trust in their foundation - and I would also see it as a little red flag- paperwork promised, no paperwork and no head's up about no paperwork, I like to always try to be in the now -- not denying the past or anything I've learned but try to keep an open mind--

I think what might help me see the path to a future working relationship with someone who did this is what happens when I bring up my concern to him? Can we have a calm rational honest discussion? And then do we each follow through on whatever we come out of that meeting willing to do or change?

Ugh. Good luck. Would that life and relationships were simple!!!!!
Peace-
B.

FormerDoormat

This is a brand new partnership and a time when most folks would be putting their best foot forward. If his best foot is to break a promise, do nothing, and leave you hanging, it won't get any better than this. In fact, it will quickly get worse.

Is there way you can dissolve the partnership?

GiveLove

Is this person an alcoholic?

My husband is not an alcoholic. He is a husband and a good man. AND he goes out and shoots pool with his friends. I go to pro basketball games with mine. Neither of us is a bad person.

I am self-employed. I have had partnerships and occasionally have had people let me down in the past. If I think someone honestly brings something great to the table, then talking to them and letting them know I'm upset - and why - is part of doing business.

I wouldn't give someone more than one second chance. It's my neck and my business, after all.

But I also wouldn't work with someone who wasn't brave enough to be frank with me about their expectations or their disappointment.

londonvanpelt

After posting I remember a previous conversation when he told me he is the type of person who likes to get things done. I felt like he was trying to distort reality since his actions said otherwise. The partnership will be very easy to dissolve since no papers have been signed yet. Thank you all for your responses.

FormerDoormat

A good partner (whether a business partner or an intimate one) goes out to play basketball, shoot pool, etc. AFTER their responsibilities to their family and work are met.

It doesn't matter whether he's an alcoholic or not. A broken promise is a broken promise. I no longer offer second chances. That's what got me into trouble in the first place.

Glad to hear you're considering dissolving the partnership. There are plenty of hard-working, talented folks out there who understand the meaning of responsibility and their word is their bond.