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Screw loose?

Old 11-11-2008, 02:44 PM
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Screw loose?

Hi everyone...

I wonder if I have a screw loose? I am currently visiting my sister in North Carolina with her new born baby and her husband.

I have not been to an Al Anon meeting in two weeks, since I have been up here. The moment I moved myself out of my Al Anon environment, I am sliding back into this crappy thinking. I have not touched my Al Anon material. I am having the HP crisis. I am plagued with anxiety about things I am powerless over. By all rights, I should be quite happy right now. I successfully defended my thesis. I am graduating in a few weeks. Applying to PHD programs. Visiting my sister and her new family.

I am wondering if it stems from the environment here. Despite the fact that my sister appears very happy, her husband is in the earlier stages of alcoholism. He "controls" his drinking, but the thinking is all the same. Attempting to isolate her from her family..."jokes" around about her imperfections or concerns as a new mother....must have things his own way, and manipulates to get it. I have not, nor will I, approach my sister about this. I know she is not ready to see this, and it would cause strife between us.

Still, I feel like I am falling fast into my old routine. Found myself just a moment ago, checking Don's phone records again...something I haven't done in a long time, then reverse searching where the numbers originate from. All are Food pantries, and I suddenly feel horribly guilty. I just have that crappy feeling...

I just needed to vent and get some support. I am actually forcing myself to post now since I seem to know that when I don't want to work the program is when I need it the most.
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Old 11-11-2008, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Silverberry1331 View Post
Hi everyone...

I wonder if I have a screw loose? I am currently visiting my sister in North Carolina with her new born baby and her husband.

I have not been to an Al Anon meeting in two weeks, since I have been up here. The moment I moved myself out of my Al Anon environment, I am sliding back into this crappy thinking. I have not touched my Al Anon material. I am having the HP crisis. I am plagued with anxiety about things I am powerless over. By all rights, I should be quite happy right now. I successfully defended my thesis. I am graduating in a few weeks. Applying to PHD programs. Visiting my sister and her new family.

I am wondering if it stems from the environment here. Despite the fact that my sister appears very happy, her husband is in the earlier stages of alcoholism. He "controls" his drinking, but the thinking is all the same. Attempting to isolate her from her family..."jokes" around about her imperfections or concerns as a new mother....must have things his own way, and manipulates to get it. I have not, nor will I, approach my sister about this. I know she is not ready to see this, and it would cause strife between us.

Still, I feel like I am falling fast into my old routine. Found myself just a moment ago, checking Don's phone records again...something I haven't done in a long time, then reverse searching where the numbers originate from. All are Food pantries, and I suddenly feel horribly guilty. I just have that crappy feeling...

I just needed to vent and get some support. I am actually forcing myself to post now since I seem to know that when I don't want to work the program is when I need it the most.
Can't recall who originally posted it, but the statement was put out, and I agree 100%, when I am with sick people I get sicker, when I am with healthy people I get healthier.
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Old 11-11-2008, 02:58 PM
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This is precisely why I participate on this forum every day, even though I haven't had an alcoholic in my life for over a year now. I agree with saying nothing to your sis. No sense telling her something she's not ready to hear.
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Old 11-11-2008, 03:06 PM
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What can you do to cut you off from the phone number search possibility? I'd start with that. There's no moving forward when tied to the unhealthy past.
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Old 11-11-2008, 03:12 PM
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i thought i had gained enough strength and al-anon knowledge to stop attending meetings and quit participating on this forum.

i went straight back into my old way of thinking and became very sick all over again. i have learned, that just like the alcoholic, i must make efforts everyday to stay healthy.
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Old 11-11-2008, 03:18 PM
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I get sicker when I'm around my sick family, and better when I return home. Glad you're here with us! How long do you have to stay there?
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Old 11-11-2008, 03:20 PM
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Originally Posted by sailorjohn View Post
when I am with sick people I get sicker, when I am with healthy people I get healthier.
Exactly. Guess it's much more sensible for me to take in an AA meeting every afternoon rather than sitting in a bar and watching a football game.

embraced said it well too, I have to make efforts every day to stay healthy.
I'd like to think that someday I could cut back on meetings or not go at all, but I'm not that healthy yet and in some ways I hope I always feel the need to have a foundation in the rooms of recovery. That's why we have old-timers in the program, some of us always need to be there.

Are there any Al-Anon meetings near your sister's place? Honestly, attending meetings when I'm out of my area has opened me up to how far our programs reach out. It's an amazing experience to be in another state, and yet I can identify 100% with other people who have the same issues. I've never felt like an outsider.
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Old 11-11-2008, 05:42 PM
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Originally Posted by embraced2000 View Post
i thought i had gained enough strength and al-anon knowledge to stop attending meetings and quit participating on this forum.

i went straight back into my old way of thinking and became very sick all over again. i have learned, that just like the alcoholic, i must make efforts everyday to stay healthy.
We never graduate! :wtf2


Thanks and God bless us all, :ghug3
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Old 11-11-2008, 06:32 PM
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I successfully defended my thesis. I am graduating in a few weeks. Applying to PHD programs.

YOU DID WHAT!!!!!!?????????

Silver that is so totally awesome!

Congratulations!8

Your post is coming at a good time-- with the holidays approaching I know I will be around some toxic people - every year I TRY to stay healthy - I bring my ODAT, I journal, I can talk to my BF. This year some things regarding my A brothers have apparently changed - I'll wait and see-- I am going to look up the local AlAnon meetings before I go! Thank you for this reminder!

Stay strong while you're there - being around any stage of alcoholic can swiftly send me down memory lane if I am not super aware, fortified, and careful with myself.

Peace-
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