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EXABF still wanting to take my son hunting

Old 11-11-2008, 03:24 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Sorry I should have posted this before

Do not ever lower yourself to his standards. Yes he will try to get at you and using your baby is one way to do this.

Just keep yourself to yourself, be polite and civil to him, while always in the back of your mind think you are an ar$^e.

Don't lower yourself to slagging him off, at least to his child. With your friends do it to high hell.

However, one thing I have had to stipulate is you -can take the baby at the agreed times. BUT if you turn up drunk or hungover, the baby stays home. I will not allow the most important being in my life riding in a car when you are drunk and I do not care if she is 2 years or 32 years old.


Be strong

B
x
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Old 11-11-2008, 03:42 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Booze and hunting don't mix

As a hunter, I'l tell you that booze and guns are a VERY dangerous combo. If there is even a chance that your EX might be drinking... it is definately not safe for him, anyone with him...or anyone even remotely near him... to be out in the woods.

Gun safety is pretty much like driving....it's all about alertness and awareness.

I can't tell you whether it's a good idea for your EX to be involved in your son's life.... but if you decide it is....how about a nice safe, supervised environment.... maybe with a responsible 3rd party present.

Do you have any mutual contacts that you would actualy trust to make sure that everything was ok during the visit? Maybe a mutual (non-alcholic) freind...or maybe a family member of the EX if your relationship with them is good?
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Old 11-11-2008, 03:47 PM
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How about Big Brothers? I see there is one in your area.
I've already filled all the paperwork out, I have been told that there are no volunteers to do this in our area.
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Old 11-11-2008, 04:00 PM
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If the father of my children found out I'd let an alcoholic take my boys hunting he'd go for custody!!!!! This is such a bad idea on so many levels. I also don't think your little guy will appreciate it when he's grown and has kids of his own. Not so much that Chris didn't care and left but more that mum let me go off unsupervised with a drunk and guns. Sorry to be so blunt but this is how I see it.
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Old 11-11-2008, 04:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Rebecca4 View Post
Sorry I should have posted this before

Do not ever lower yourself to his standards. Yes he will try to get at you and using your baby is one way to do this.

Just keep yourself to yourself, be polite and civil to him, while always in the back of your mind think you are an ar$^e.

Don't lower yourself to slagging him off, at least to his child. With your friends do it to high hell.

However, one thing I have had to stipulate is you -can take the baby at the agreed times. BUT if you turn up drunk or hungover, the baby stays home. I will not allow the most important being in my life riding in a car when you are drunk and I do not care if she is 2 years or 32 years old.


Be strong

B
x
Soconfused's son is 11 (I hope I am right on that) and the ex is not the boy's father.
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Old 11-11-2008, 04:04 PM
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There is no one on this earth I'd trust to take any of my boys anywhere alone if there was the slightest chance they would be drinking and the slightest risk to any of the boys.
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Old 11-11-2008, 04:51 PM
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the clinical definition of addiction is LOSS OF CONTROL. this means that no addict of any kind can consistently predict when he will drink, where he will drink, or how much he will drink.

this is why it is our own insanity which makes us accept promises from an addict that an addict CANNOT KEEP...EVER.

the addict has LOST CONTROL of his drinking or using and this means he will drink or use when he does not intend to, where he does not intend to, in the presence of someone he does not intend to drink or use around, and he will drink or use more than he ever intends to.

this is the medical definition of addiction and no addict is an exception to it.

do not allow your son to be alone with this man ANYWHERE. and especially not in the woods with a gun.

Last edited by bluejay6; 11-11-2008 at 04:54 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 11-11-2008, 04:55 PM
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Don't make him grow up any faster, DeVon, lol....just kidding. Ryan is 9, and you are correct on the other part, it is not his biological father.
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Old 11-11-2008, 05:10 PM
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Hi, Wendy!

I used to go out of my way to make it easy for my husband to spend time with our son. I would rearrange my schedule, cancel plans, drive out of my way, etc...

I want them to have a good relationship. I want them to spend quality time together and have fun.

But their relationship isn't my responsibility, and I don't think that Chris's relationship with Ryan is your responsibility.

Chris is a grown man. He made a decision to continue to drink and behave in ways that were incompatible with your relationship, and those choices led him to walk away from you and your son.

If Chris loves Ryan and wants to see him, he can find other, non-dangerous ways of spending time. He can ask Ryan if he'd like to hang out, and he can ask you if that would be alright.

You're just saying that hunting is not alright.
There are other alternatives, but it is not your job to explore those alternatives.
It is Chris's job.
If he chooses not to - it is your job to offer support and love to Ryan.


Good luck.
-TC
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Old 11-11-2008, 06:30 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Soconfused11 View Post
Don't make him grow up any faster, DeVon, lol....just kidding. Ryan is 9, and you are correct on the other part, it is not his biological father.
Sincere apologies! I don't know why I had 11 stuck in my head!

No, he doesn't need to grow up any faster! I swear it was yesterday I was putting baby lotion on youngest AD's tiny hiney after a bath in the sink, and she's 20 now!
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Old 11-11-2008, 07:53 PM
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((((( SC )))))

I think the only way to move forward is to cut ties completely for both you and Ryan. The only way out of he11 is through it.

I recently had to ask my ah not to drink on a day he had to drive d12 to the movies while I was at work. I pondered on it later. No One has ever had to ask me not to drink before I drive with my own children. Insane much? lol
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Old 11-12-2008, 03:22 AM
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I dont mean to hijack this thread but I am in the reverse situation.

It is my XAF who has a son from his previous marriage. I was part of his life for 4 years and now that we are not together I would hate him to think I just walked away and left him and I would hate to think he thinks I dont care for him.

My ex has said he will email me photos of him and when he has access call me on the phone so I can say Hi - but maybe this isnt right.

I guess there will come a day when my ex has someone new and wont want me in his sons life, though during binges he tells me to stay away from his son...its so sad he can use his child as a weapon to hurt me.
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