2nd detox in barely 3 months

Old 11-09-2008, 01:49 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Milwaukee WI
Posts: 137
2nd detox in barely 3 months

Well, he checked himself into detox again last week, barely 3 months after the first time. He was once again threatened with losing his job, so he went.
They kept him 3 days he is once again out and about with no plan of recovery. He is supposed to meet with his counselor tomorrow and come up with a "plan". But his words today to me were this...."well I am not sure if I was depressed so I drank or if my drinking caused me to be depressed"...the way I see it he is still trying to come up with a "way out", that somehow he might be able to convice himself or someone else that his drinking is not the problem.....I am SO ANGRY right now, but trying to let it go, I can not do anything else.

I am also struggling with things that my Mom, sister and his Mom are saying to me....that when he got out again, he should not have to go back to his apartment all by himself, that I should let him come back to the house....ARE THESE GUYS ALL CRAZY!!!! I refuse to let him back and try to explain HELL it was in our home with him there drinking or after he stopped the first time..PURE HELL!! Why can't they see or believe that, I tell them if you guys are all so concerned, let him move in with you guys...I don't want him here. He had a chance in August, he refused to do anything once AGAIN.

I wish one time they would say to me....."what can we do to help you"...but the focus remains on him.......uuuuggggggggggghhhhh.

I also gave him a ride to detox this time too.....do you even think I heard a thank you from him....NOT. No more....he is on his own, I need my life back and I am taking it!!! The divorce is moving forward with a hearing at the end of this month.....I can't wait to be free. But, I am so greatfull for my older children and friends who support and love me and know that I am doing the right thing!!
stillsearching is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 02:13 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
JusToday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 41
Take care of YOU

Your doing the right thing! Taking care of you is what matters.
JusToday is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 02:23 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Sunny Side Up
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
:ghug3 Hugs!! You sound like you are on the right track. Stay on that road honey.
justjo is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 02:25 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
They cant understand it because they didnt live in HELL like you did......

Grass is always greener for everyone else NOT living it.....
cassandra2 is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 02:36 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Milwaukee WI
Posts: 137
AMEN to that Cassandra!
stillsearching is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 02:38 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Noticed that you live in milwaukee also.....

Damn BREW TOWN!!!!
cassandra2 is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 02:40 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
You've got support here! :ghug :ghug
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 06:32 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Trying to find a path
 
sslusser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Northern Indiana
Posts: 91
I am also struggling with things that my Mom, sister and his Mom are saying to me....that when he got out again, he should not have to go back to his apartment all by himself, that I should let him come back to the house....ARE THESE GUYS ALL CRAZY!!!!
Ask them if they are willing to take him in if they are so concerned about him being alone.
sslusser is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 06:50 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
prodigal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by stillsearching View Post
He was once again threatened with losing his job, so he went.

But his words today to me were this...."well I am not sure if I was depressed so I drank or if my drinking caused me to be depressed"...

I also gave him a ride to detox this time too.....do you even think I heard a thank you from him....NOT.
My AH has been in FOUR detox/rehab programs. Each time it was because his coworkers were complaining to the boss that AH was coming into work smelling like an "old bar rag."

I heard precisely the same words four years ago: "I'm depressed, so I drink to ease the depression. I don't know if the drinking is making me depressed or not. I feel depressed even when I don't drink." Yep, same story.

I drove mine to detox one of the four times. The last time he was supposed to drive up on a Friday morning to the facility in Phoenix. I got home at 4 p.m. that day. AH was in bed drunk. I threw his keys out the door, some of his clothes, and then him - in that order. And I bolted the door shut.

At least I was through trying to "rescue" him.

He's still drunk. Thankfully, I worked hard to get rid of a boatload of rage towards him. I was one step from exploding. If I'd let my anger have free reign, it would have made Mt. Saint Helen's look like a hiccup.

I know where you're coming from.

What worked for me? Weekly counseling sessions and Al-Anon. Also, getting back on my side of the street. Allowing AH the right to pursue his addiction and face his own consequences.

I let go of any expectations that AH would exhibit fundamental politeness, much less anything resembling concern or compassion for anyone else. Once I quit taking anything he did personally, I was able to detach.

After all, he was doing exactly what addicts do.
prodigal is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 06:54 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Rediscovering myself
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 231
I second Sslusser. If they're so worried, let them deal with him.

I've been thinking... does anyone else think that codependents (before they 'see the light') are just as crazy as raging alcoholics?

Ed to add:

"well I am not sure if I was depressed so I drank or if my drinking caused me to be depressed"
I'm getting that line too, btw
justaboutus is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 07:33 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Originally Posted by stillsearching View Post
I am also struggling with things that my Mom, sister and his Mom are saying to me....that when he got out again, he should not have to go back to his apartment all by himself, that I should let him come back to the house.
It sounds like codependency is a family affair! Thank goodness you are taking care of you and getting healthy. Someday maybe they will seek help for themselves too. Unless someone has lived with the insanity day in and day out, thet really can't know what is best for anyone involved.

Sending you ((((hugs)))) tonight.
blessed4x is offline  
Old 11-09-2008, 08:19 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Trying to find a path
 
sslusser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Northern Indiana
Posts: 91
I've been thinking... does anyone else think that codependents (before they 'see the light') are just as crazy as raging alcoholics?
I think there were some times when I was certainly as crazy. I just did it with more style ;-)
sslusser is offline  
Old 11-10-2008, 06:49 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Milwaukee WI
Posts: 137
thanks you guys, that is what I told my Mom, let him live with you then. As far as the depression thing, I think he is still looking for a way out...that hopefully in his mind he's just depressed and that would mean to him that he could still drink...what a waste. I really need to get myself into some counseling so that I can move forward and away from this crap.

Also when he is drinking he wants nothing to do with us, but when he stops it's I love you and all kinds of crap.......I don't want this, I don't want this! It's nice to also know that they all come up with the same crappppppp, if anyone should be depressed, it should be me...hahaha!
stillsearching is offline  
Old 11-10-2008, 07:38 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Curled up in a good book...
 
bookwyrm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Originally Posted by sslusser View Post
I think there were some times when I was certainly as crazy. I just did it with more style ;-)
bookwyrm is offline  
Old 11-11-2008, 02:47 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
JusToday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by cassandra2 View Post
Grass is always greener for everyone else NOT living it.....
or "The grass is greener for everyone else, until someone pees on your side."
JusToday is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:36 PM.