2nd detox in barely 3 months
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Milwaukee WI
Posts: 137
2nd detox in barely 3 months
Well, he checked himself into detox again last week, barely 3 months after the first time. He was once again threatened with losing his job, so he went.
They kept him 3 days he is once again out and about with no plan of recovery. He is supposed to meet with his counselor tomorrow and come up with a "plan". But his words today to me were this...."well I am not sure if I was depressed so I drank or if my drinking caused me to be depressed"...the way I see it he is still trying to come up with a "way out", that somehow he might be able to convice himself or someone else that his drinking is not the problem.....I am SO ANGRY right now, but trying to let it go, I can not do anything else.
I am also struggling with things that my Mom, sister and his Mom are saying to me....that when he got out again, he should not have to go back to his apartment all by himself, that I should let him come back to the house....ARE THESE GUYS ALL CRAZY!!!! I refuse to let him back and try to explain HELL it was in our home with him there drinking or after he stopped the first time..PURE HELL!! Why can't they see or believe that, I tell them if you guys are all so concerned, let him move in with you guys...I don't want him here. He had a chance in August, he refused to do anything once AGAIN.
I wish one time they would say to me....."what can we do to help you"...but the focus remains on him.......uuuuggggggggggghhhhh.
I also gave him a ride to detox this time too.....do you even think I heard a thank you from him....NOT. No more....he is on his own, I need my life back and I am taking it!!! The divorce is moving forward with a hearing at the end of this month.....I can't wait to be free. But, I am so greatfull for my older children and friends who support and love me and know that I am doing the right thing!!
They kept him 3 days he is once again out and about with no plan of recovery. He is supposed to meet with his counselor tomorrow and come up with a "plan". But his words today to me were this...."well I am not sure if I was depressed so I drank or if my drinking caused me to be depressed"...the way I see it he is still trying to come up with a "way out", that somehow he might be able to convice himself or someone else that his drinking is not the problem.....I am SO ANGRY right now, but trying to let it go, I can not do anything else.
I am also struggling with things that my Mom, sister and his Mom are saying to me....that when he got out again, he should not have to go back to his apartment all by himself, that I should let him come back to the house....ARE THESE GUYS ALL CRAZY!!!! I refuse to let him back and try to explain HELL it was in our home with him there drinking or after he stopped the first time..PURE HELL!! Why can't they see or believe that, I tell them if you guys are all so concerned, let him move in with you guys...I don't want him here. He had a chance in August, he refused to do anything once AGAIN.
I wish one time they would say to me....."what can we do to help you"...but the focus remains on him.......uuuuggggggggggghhhhh.
I also gave him a ride to detox this time too.....do you even think I heard a thank you from him....NOT. No more....he is on his own, I need my life back and I am taking it!!! The divorce is moving forward with a hearing at the end of this month.....I can't wait to be free. But, I am so greatfull for my older children and friends who support and love me and know that I am doing the right thing!!
I am also struggling with things that my Mom, sister and his Mom are saying to me....that when he got out again, he should not have to go back to his apartment all by himself, that I should let him come back to the house....ARE THESE GUYS ALL CRAZY!!!!
He was once again threatened with losing his job, so he went.
But his words today to me were this...."well I am not sure if I was depressed so I drank or if my drinking caused me to be depressed"...
I also gave him a ride to detox this time too.....do you even think I heard a thank you from him....NOT.
But his words today to me were this...."well I am not sure if I was depressed so I drank or if my drinking caused me to be depressed"...
I also gave him a ride to detox this time too.....do you even think I heard a thank you from him....NOT.
I heard precisely the same words four years ago: "I'm depressed, so I drink to ease the depression. I don't know if the drinking is making me depressed or not. I feel depressed even when I don't drink." Yep, same story.
I drove mine to detox one of the four times. The last time he was supposed to drive up on a Friday morning to the facility in Phoenix. I got home at 4 p.m. that day. AH was in bed drunk. I threw his keys out the door, some of his clothes, and then him - in that order. And I bolted the door shut.
At least I was through trying to "rescue" him.
He's still drunk. Thankfully, I worked hard to get rid of a boatload of rage towards him. I was one step from exploding. If I'd let my anger have free reign, it would have made Mt. Saint Helen's look like a hiccup.
I know where you're coming from.
What worked for me? Weekly counseling sessions and Al-Anon. Also, getting back on my side of the street. Allowing AH the right to pursue his addiction and face his own consequences.
I let go of any expectations that AH would exhibit fundamental politeness, much less anything resembling concern or compassion for anyone else. Once I quit taking anything he did personally, I was able to detach.
After all, he was doing exactly what addicts do.
Rediscovering myself
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 231
I second Sslusser. If they're so worried, let them deal with him.
I've been thinking... does anyone else think that codependents (before they 'see the light') are just as crazy as raging alcoholics?
Ed to add:
I'm getting that line too, btw
I've been thinking... does anyone else think that codependents (before they 'see the light') are just as crazy as raging alcoholics?
Ed to add:
"well I am not sure if I was depressed so I drank or if my drinking caused me to be depressed"
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Sending you ((((hugs)))) tonight.
I've been thinking... does anyone else think that codependents (before they 'see the light') are just as crazy as raging alcoholics?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Milwaukee WI
Posts: 137
thanks you guys, that is what I told my Mom, let him live with you then. As far as the depression thing, I think he is still looking for a way out...that hopefully in his mind he's just depressed and that would mean to him that he could still drink...what a waste. I really need to get myself into some counseling so that I can move forward and away from this crap.
Also when he is drinking he wants nothing to do with us, but when he stops it's I love you and all kinds of crap.......I don't want this, I don't want this! It's nice to also know that they all come up with the same crappppppp, if anyone should be depressed, it should be me...hahaha!
Also when he is drinking he wants nothing to do with us, but when he stops it's I love you and all kinds of crap.......I don't want this, I don't want this! It's nice to also know that they all come up with the same crappppppp, if anyone should be depressed, it should be me...hahaha!
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