I'm enjoying this
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florence, Kentucky
Posts: 116
I'm enjoying this
I got a few calls from my XAGF. She is now out of money, no place to live, and of course still drunk all the time. She wanted me to rescue her last night. My advise was to call 211 (united way), and get sober. Only she can change her life around. The only other options she had was to hook up with an old guy from her past, or find a new guy.
I am waiting for another call. I told her I already moved on and have another date tonight.
I am waiting for another call. I told her I already moved on and have another date tonight.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
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Originally Posted by AmpHusky 
That I don't need her as much as she thinks she needs me. Or maybe the fact that she thought I needed her.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
As I was leaving the grocery store this afternoon, a homeless man walked into the store. He looked old and tired and beaten down by life. He was thin and frail. His hair was long and he sported a long beard and mustache. He was dirty from head to toe. He carried a large pack on his back that looked as if it contained all his worldly belongings. In his right hand he carried a paper sack. I imagine it contained a bottle of booze. It was cold enough outside that I had to wear a coat today. I wondered where this man would be sleeping. All he had was a light jacket.
He looked very much like Richard did during the last few months of his life. Immediately I was overcome with sadness for this man and memories of Richard flooded my mind. I didn't enjoy watching Richard struggle with alcoholism and I certainly never would have hurt him on purpose.
When he called me after our relationship had ended, I told him that I loved him and I wanted the best for him because I did. I didn't have to tell him I'd moved on. He could see that for himself. And I never discussed any dates I'd been on with him. That would have been hurtful. Richard never hurt me on purpose. As my old friend, Equus, said it's important to remember that there's a person behind the disease.
He looked very much like Richard did during the last few months of his life. Immediately I was overcome with sadness for this man and memories of Richard flooded my mind. I didn't enjoy watching Richard struggle with alcoholism and I certainly never would have hurt him on purpose.
When he called me after our relationship had ended, I told him that I loved him and I wanted the best for him because I did. I didn't have to tell him I'd moved on. He could see that for himself. And I never discussed any dates I'd been on with him. That would have been hurtful. Richard never hurt me on purpose. As my old friend, Equus, said it's important to remember that there's a person behind the disease.
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Location: Los Angeles, CA
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~ ...when we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings. ~ sogyal rinpoche
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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[QUOTE=FormerDoormat;1976520]
I told him that I loved him and I wanted the best for him because I did. QUOTE]
The tears are flowing.. it's so hard loving and letting go. I couldn't hurt my AXBF for the life of me, and he has said some pretty harsh things to me.
This message makes me want to pick up the phone, not to get wrapped back into the mess, but to let him know that I love him and want the best for him. The last conversation we had he said he felt that he was going to end up on the street because he feels that in his state he can't work, or even function on a day to day basis. I advised him to call a hotline and get help. The last text I got from him was that he is working on a program that I had sent him via postal mail (Lucinda Bassett program). I sent it nearly 2 months ago, he finally picked it up and is working in it.
I told him that I loved him and I wanted the best for him because I did. QUOTE]
The tears are flowing.. it's so hard loving and letting go. I couldn't hurt my AXBF for the life of me, and he has said some pretty harsh things to me.
This message makes me want to pick up the phone, not to get wrapped back into the mess, but to let him know that I love him and want the best for him. The last conversation we had he said he felt that he was going to end up on the street because he feels that in his state he can't work, or even function on a day to day basis. I advised him to call a hotline and get help. The last text I got from him was that he is working on a program that I had sent him via postal mail (Lucinda Bassett program). I sent it nearly 2 months ago, he finally picked it up and is working in it.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
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I found enjoyment in my life after starting recovery...and placing the focus on ME!
All I had to do with my XABF is the same as FD..."Wish him the best" anyone that was around me could see that I had moved on.
IMHO stating that you have a date or saying that you moved on is not really moving on-it is allowing yourself to stay on the roller coaster ride. When we are ready to jump off and really move on it is then when we do not worry about anything other than ourselves.
How about trying this.....do not answer the phone
All I had to do with my XABF is the same as FD..."Wish him the best" anyone that was around me could see that I had moved on.
IMHO stating that you have a date or saying that you moved on is not really moving on-it is allowing yourself to stay on the roller coaster ride. When we are ready to jump off and really move on it is then when we do not worry about anything other than ourselves.
How about trying this.....do not answer the phone
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
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this thread offers alot of healing for all perspectives. It is heartening to reach beyond our woundedness and defendedness into the heart of compassion and true joy...health = happiness at no-one's expense
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
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IMO, I think what Amphusky was trying to say was he was enjoying the fact that he's come so far as to be able to turn her down and let her bear the consequences of her own actions.
I did not enjoy last week, making my AH sleep out in the cold for 4 nights because he was drunk and my boundary was that he would not be allowed in the house if he was drunk and I would not deal with any more relapses. He could have went to a motel, if he chose to. Instead, I guess, he chose to sleep in his truck, maybe he'd thought I'd feel bad. But I didn't. He made his choices, he had to live with it. But I certainly felt good about myself that I had made so much progress in my recovery that I could do that, let go and let God. He is, for now, sober again and staying with a good friend of ours, a recovery A. I wish him the best.
I did not enjoy last week, making my AH sleep out in the cold for 4 nights because he was drunk and my boundary was that he would not be allowed in the house if he was drunk and I would not deal with any more relapses. He could have went to a motel, if he chose to. Instead, I guess, he chose to sleep in his truck, maybe he'd thought I'd feel bad. But I didn't. He made his choices, he had to live with it. But I certainly felt good about myself that I had made so much progress in my recovery that I could do that, let go and let God. He is, for now, sober again and staying with a good friend of ours, a recovery A. I wish him the best.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Originally Posted by queenteree
IMO, I think what Amphusky was trying to say was he was enjoying the fact that he's come so far as to be able to turn her down and let her bear the consequences of her own actions.
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Well I guess I started something on this subject.
When we all try so hard to make the Alcoholic realize what they are doing, and nothing every seems to come of it. Yes, it feels good when the A calls and they already know what your answer will be, but they call anyway.
We try to use rational reasoning with them that never works. So why shouldn't we use irrational modes to deal with it.
None of us on this board are experts. Not even the moderators on this board. No matter what their credentials read. Every situation is unique and requires a different approach. I found mine.
She called again this morning. She went back to her same routine. I gave her the same answer. She hung up the phone. She calls back, I will enjoy it because I have control. I offer to get her things and take her to rehab, or what ever. She never takes me up on the offer. SO, yes I still care in my own way.
denny57, queenteree did get what I meant.
I enjoy having the control of an irrational situation!!!!
When we all try so hard to make the Alcoholic realize what they are doing, and nothing every seems to come of it. Yes, it feels good when the A calls and they already know what your answer will be, but they call anyway.
We try to use rational reasoning with them that never works. So why shouldn't we use irrational modes to deal with it.
None of us on this board are experts. Not even the moderators on this board. No matter what their credentials read. Every situation is unique and requires a different approach. I found mine.
She called again this morning. She went back to her same routine. I gave her the same answer. She hung up the phone. She calls back, I will enjoy it because I have control. I offer to get her things and take her to rehab, or what ever. She never takes me up on the offer. SO, yes I still care in my own way.
denny57, queenteree did get what I meant.
I enjoy having the control of an irrational situation!!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by AmpHusky
Yes, it feels good when the A calls and they already know what your answer will be, but they call anyway.
I still don't know what this sentiment means, but I'll leave it. In my case, control was and is an illusion.
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