Groping around in the dark
 

So I find myself calling the police. She showed up in the early afternoon, banging on the front door for about 20 minutes. Working midnights now, I had put my head down around 8 am hoping to get up early enough to get some things done.

I didn't answer, the door or her dozen or so calls, text messages, and emails. She showed up again tonight, same routine, ringing the doorbell, pounding the door, crying, pleading. Walked downstairs, told her through the side windows she should go hang with her 'friends'-little anger there-and told her to leave or I would call the police, which I did after about 5 minutes. Codependent me, I was at least a little concerned that she would get sick from standing out in the cold wearing a blanket to keep warm. They came, asked her politely to leave, which she did.

Had the phone off most of the day, turned it back on again to call the police, now I have to turn it off because it's buzzing again, the text messages are piling up.

Feeling kinda sick, but I know I'm doing the right thing, and I shouldn't have to worry about her showing up drunk on my stoop at 1 am down the road. God help us all.

Have had to do this with abf when he's turned up here, often in a cab and with a carton of beer. Police have driven him and carton home a few times, also taken him to the watch-house to cool down and sober up.
The damned phone started ringing within 5 minutes if he went home, mobile first as my number on speed dial, then home phone if he remembered my number.
Text messages were very nasty. I kept them and later transferred them to my computer and when he'd sobered up, I emailed them to him.

Yes I was angry at him, upset at what he was doing to himself and felt sick at having to have him carted away. I was also scared he'd come back again so double locked doors and windows, turned mobile on to meeting mode, and sat or lay in the dark for the rest of the night.

Sucks doesn't it?

Last time was 40 days ago, and I avoided him til he called here sober and sick with withdrawals, swearing he was determined to stop and stay sober for good. Told him I was happy he had decided that for himself this time, but if he started drinking again I was finished with it forever.
He's been sober since, but went overseas yesterday for 10 days and I have the usual doubts about him not drinking with "mates" who do.
Just been keeping busy, gone on to SR, and telling God that abf is in his care and not mine now.

In your mind you know you did what you really had to do, it's only your loving and kind heart that is questioning.

God bless you

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this and just wanted to offer my support, I always like what you have to say and seem a good man and a decent human being...I wish there were more I could do or say,,,but there isn't so........

/big manly man hug

You know it, hold on to that....

the caring (codependent) side wants to help, feels (almost) responsible....

the thing I'm starting to learn, to really understand is that it is their job to take care of themselves. Personally, I've bailed out my H too many times; put his well-being in my hands, tried to "save" him.

She chose to stand outside your house in the cold and harass you -- I know it's easier said than done -- but try to let her worry about it now and I hope she will learn something from it.

so sorry your going through this sailor ((())) she'll get sick and tired of harassing you eventually, keep calling the police each time she does, get a restraining order if you have to and change your phone number.

you are doing so well sailor, keep strong and look after YOU.xxx

Gill

((((( sailerjohn )))))

Even when you know you're doing the right thing, it's not easy.

Take care of yourself.

How are you doing?
 

Hi SJ!

Just wondering how you're doing....hang in there!

:ghug3

Hang in there! I am sure it is hard but I am learning with my AH - if he won't help himself- I can't help him! From one boater to another...

Much peace!:Val004:

(((SJ))) Having went thru the same thing just last week, I know how it can be. You did the right thing. Sooner or later, she'll get tired of banging on the door, just as a child sooner or later stops screaming when you put them in time out and they realize screaming isn't gonna work. Keep strong.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.