blessed4x

I'm THROUGH....last straw, done, over it!!

If I did not have 2 sleeping little ones and it wasn't 20 degrees out, and I had a place to go, I would be out TONIGHT. I left to go pick up my 16 year old at a friends about 10:30, got home about 11 (12 year old was home and little guys sleeping). AH was sound asleep and I took the dog with me.

I was sitting on the couch (with the dog) after I got back and heard commotion in the bedroom, walked in an AH is standing buck naked and yells at me...."THANKS ALOT". I ask, "For what?" He says "What do you think? Your dog p*ssed on the bed." The dog was with me the WHOLE TIME. AH tells me he hasn't even been in bed all night, and that he just went in there and sat in a big wet spot. He is certifiably nuts, and trying to take me with him.......I WILL NOT GO.

I always wondered what my breaking point would be.....just found it. He is now laying IN THE WET SPOT snoring. I have never been so disgusted in all my days. When we divide property the mattress is HIS.

Thanks for listening, and come Monday morning, when the attorney's office opens, please keep me accountable.

Did I mention I am D-O-N-E? For all of you wondering what happens as the disease progresses, I am inviting you to my house for a field trip.....I am so disgusted.

Kimmieh

I can relate...and I think you sound very strong and determined right now. I hope you can carry this through the weekend and it might just be what you needed.

I hope you can move towards less stress and more peace. It does not sound he is anywhere near to admitting that he has a problem. This sort of denial is what I struggle with tonight and it's FRUSTRATING!

Make this weekend work for you and make sure to read your post on Monday! :ghug3

embraced2000

yup, been there with that one, blessed. it took me so many times before i could finally do what needed to be done.

lately, i had a huge relapse in my recovery, but when i was going strong in my recovery, i learned to not be so surprised at all the stupid happenings and chaos around my xah. course, he always made everything someone elses fault. one time he accused me of serving him dead chicken.....yep, you heard me right......a dead cooked chicken. i guess a better codie could have prepared him a good live one.

hang in there hun, and take care of yourself.....it does not get any better at all unless i do something to help myself.

good luck, and i am so very sorry that you are having to experience the effects of alcoholism.
jeri

Kimmieh

This saved my day. OMG, this is too funny! I want to put it on my facebook as favorite quote!

I don't mean to take the seriousness out of this thread, but sometimes the lunacy just cracks me up and it's when I realize just how nuts all of this is.

blessed4x

There really is no seriousness here! It is lunacy, and I swear if anyone had not lived in it they would probably think it could not be true.....except the things that we experience are too crazy to dream up!

Kimmieh

So true...I think the best moment I had on here was the realization that there are others out there who live with the lunacy. It's not like you can really call up your friend and say "well, and yesterday he got wasted and got up in the middle of the night to pee against the exercise bike. What? Oh, I cleaned it up. I don't want him to feel embarassed in the mornings. So how was your day?"

Jadmack25

They beat any professional comedians hands down. Cooked dead chook cracked me up, that has to be a real doozy.
Yes I can sure relate to stupid comments etc from well oiled abf.
Rang me at 2am one morning to complain "Someone" had wet his bed.
I asked if it was wee or blood, and he yelled "how could it be blood?"
I told him if he ever woke me again in the middle of the night there would be blood, HIS.

Also ate stew simmering in a pot on the stove. It was dog food. Told me, I could have poisoned him. Not a bad idea.

Went out his back door for smoke and drink at night, door locked him out.
He grabbed a sheet off next door's clothesline and walked to my place 5 minutes away to get spare key. Had to walk back home in same gear. Looked like a roman roamin' round.

Freedom1990

I'm so sorry, but I had to chuckle when you said the mattress would be his!

I always tell people if I ever wrote a book about my life, they'd put it in the fiction section because no one would believe it was true!

:ghug :ghug

blessed4x

Now that I've had a few hours sleep, and can think a little more clearly, I'm thinking HE should be the one to go. There's 5 of us and 1 of him. Why should my kids have to give up the only home they've ever known? Glad I didn't do anything impulsive, and I don't think I am waiting til Monday to break the news. I'm just as disgusted as I was 9 hours ago.

freeflower

Good idea on not waiting till monday to break the news. I was a habitual waiter..sometimes it would take me 6 months to say something..sad but true..talk about an ulcer maker. Now that I'm out, i'm kind of doing the same thing...6 months out and trying to muster up the courage to say the "divorce" word. Procrastination is not a good thing!

ToughChoices

It does seem more sensible to have him leave -
it seemed more sensible to have my husband leave -
unfortunately, he was not very sensible.

Breathe deep and make a game plan.
If you know you want him out, you might just tell him so.
Maybe he'll get his "righteous indignation pants" in a wad and march out of the house ASAP.

Maybe he won't.

It might be worth your wait to get to Monday and consult a lawyer.
My lawyer was very clear about the JOINT ownership of the house:
He had as much right to it (legally) as I did.
If he wouldn't leave, and I didn't want to live with him, then I would have to move.
So I did.
I couldn't stand to be in the house with him for a single extra day.

BUT.
I don't have 4 children.
I have one portable and friendly 4 year-old who seemed ready for the adventure.
Your situation is unique.


Again, consult with your attorney - determine your rights.
Be prepared for your AH to respond less than sensibly to the situation.

You'll get through it.

Keep your chin up - it gets better!
-TC

blessed4x

.....his WET "righteous indignation pants"!

Thanks for the support and wisdom. He's out hunting until afternoon.
Inhale, hold it, exhale.....inhale, hold it, exhale....

sodetermined

Wow! I can say that while my ex-abf never wet the bed, I very much remember being the blame of absolutely everything.....and that is one thing I surely don't miss!

I hope that your anger carries you through, and it absolutely would make more sense for him to be the one to go. I would ask Chris to leave (and this is MY house) and he would refuse. I would have to wait until he did something stupid (like go to the bar or stay out all night) and then lock the doors.

Whatever happens, stay strong (you sound strong to me!). :praying

Redheadsusie

Right there with you at the breaking point. Recently I heard laughter and commotion from the bedroom...about 9 oclock pm. went in to find naked AH "pooping" on the floor and laughing...he then ran through the house..... dripping doo.....mumbling..... went to the bethroom (imagine that - going poop in the bathroom) left the bathroom ..went to bed. SNORE..SNORE..SNORE... I cleaned it up because of the stench and obvious germs of poop on the floor. He acted like nothing happened at all.. Just a normal night in the life of me.

I am so done... I could s*%t the floor...Oh wait he already did that!

Much peace!

Kimmieh

I am so sorry you have to deal with this though. It's great that there is a place where you can share even this and people will not say "why do you put up with this???? Are you crazy????????" I felt so lonely because I could not tell anybody without being considered a total basket case (which I probably am, but I want to be it on my own terms, thank you very much!).

Thanks for sharing and I really do mean that! :ghug3

FormerDoormat

As Richard's alcoholism progressed, he went from vomiting in my car, to routine night sweats, to losing control of his bladder, to losing control of his bowels. And when he urinated or defecated on himself in public, he either didn't notice or was not embarrassed for having done so. He just walked around as if nothing was wrong.

But something was very wrong with him. He was dying from alcoholism. And something was very wrong with me. I allowed this behavior to go on in front of my child.

I don't find this thread funny; instead, I find it incredibly sad. Sad for all those once beautiful, vibrant, funny, and responsible people who've lost control of their bodies and lives to alcohol and sad for all the people who deserve better lives and choose to stay for much too long.

I watched Richard change from a sweet, loving, healthy, and responsible partner into a frail, weak, pathetic wreck of a man. I watched his disease rob him of his self worth, his self control, his job, his home, his family, and his friends. Ultimately, I watched him lose his life. It was the most heart-wrenching and painful experience of my life.

There was nothing funny about it. Richard was a good man. Alcoholism is a terrible disease.

Kimmieh

FD,

I apologize if I offended you and others. I can see where you are coming from and I agree that it's sad and heartbreaking.

However, what I found amusing was behavior that is brought about by the state of being drunk, not the toll that the disease takes on the body. I am not an alcoholic, but I have done pathetic things when drunk. For example, I have peed in stupid places and when I look back I shake my head in horror.

My ABF is not in any obvious way physically affected by his alcoholism (yet), but when he is wasted he WILL pee against the exercise bike or whatever he can find and most of the time it just s*cks and makes me angry, anxious, and sad, but sometimes I see it as the stupid act that it is rather than the disease and it's just laughable (in every sense of the word).

I appreciate your post and I am AFRAID that my ABF will some day end up like Richard. But I cannot picture the scenario whenever I deal with his alcoholism because I need to live and stay sane and that means that sometimes I have to let go of the seriousness, dread, and anxiety.

Again, that does not mean that I have a right to offend and I apologize sincerely.

FormerDoormat

I am not offended, just saddened to see so may people actively choosing to follow in my footsteps.

Stubborn1

I have to say my ah has never wet the bed. I guess I was lucky on that. I don't think he would be alive if that would have happend. That's just gross. Poor girl. This was a funny post.
Stay strong.

Kimmieh

I can only speak for myself, but during the time I had nobody to talk to, I started to find it normal to clean up after him after a binge and to make sure I always have enzyme cleaner in the house as well as quarters for laundry. I also felt like everyone would stay up when he is at the bar getting wasted, that it's not a big deal to pick him up from the hallway floor of my apartment complex, that I stayed up to make sure he does not stop breathing.

I started to become aware which road I was going down when I read threads like this where people share their experience in outrage and perhaps even ridicule and sarcasm because they showed me that it's NOT normal and that doing all that does not make me compassionate and loving, but codependent and enabling.