Learning how

Blessed, I am late getting on here, I hope you are holding up. Stay strong, do what is good for you and the kids.
Take care. :ghug3

blessed4x

Thank you. I spent 4 hours tonight over dinner and coffee with 2 good friends. We laughed until we cried, and then we cried until we laughed. One of them divorced her AH when her now teenage sons were toddlers. It's the kind of friendship that is there to hold up each other when one is too weak to do it on her own. It's awkward for me to be on the receiving end, but I'm learning that I can allow myself to be loved and cared for. I don't ALWAYS have to be the caretaker, the one to solve everyone else's problems. Tonight I let my friends shower me with warmth and support, and accepted it graciously.....and I smiled more than I have in a very long time.

Jadmack25

I guess reading posts from young people at the start of problem alcoholic relationships, causes some reaction in me. Whether it is an, "OH NO! She has her life in front of her and can be SAVED from the future misery", or a sort of Mum instinct, like trying to stop a daughter making the same mistakes I have made, I don't know. Sometimes wish I could have a rerun of my life, knowing as I do now, what signs and clues to watch out for and get away before being sucked in. Can't do that but can give a small helping hand to others who may be heading down the same rocky road I have travelled.

There are no road maps for going that road, only stories and experiences to be shared from those fellow travellers who have gone that way before.
Some have hit a few bumps and turned back before too much damage.

Some have continued on and reached the end battered and bruised, determined to avoid that road in future.

Others have had so many pit stops for flat tyres and break downs that we are still on it and battling our way to the end.

A few keep going that same route, over and over again despite it being so difficult and dangerous. They may do it 100 times til they learn there is another, smoother and safer road to take.

Everyone has their own reasons for how they travel thru life, and which road they travel on.

denny57

I share from where I am and I appreciate everyone who does. Learning I was not alone was huge, but my real growth came from the fearless teachers who shared on compassion, experience and hope.

A lot of those teachers are no longer here and I miss them.

DII

I'll add to this thread of the lunacy that A's ask you to believe. My AW asked to talk to me yesterday morning and told me "I know you think I've been drinking, but I'm not. I am very close to relapse though." As she was telling me this I look at her tongue and it's blue collered. All the while I know that she was on "something". My 15 year old told me the day before that he though she was dinking his Listerine. So while she's telling me this I'm thinging....what in the world! INSANITY! She spends the night at her Mom's last night because she was "sick" and I talk to her Mom this morning who tells me that "she's not drinking but is having probelems with her stomach". You think!

justaboutus

I would advise you to wait and talk to a lawyer tomorrow. Mine guessed at what my husband would claim and what he would claim against me. I've worked over the past few months to prove I'm the better parent, thus I'll get our daughter. I'm very prepared now. But your husband my not be hiding his addiction as well as mine is.

blessed4x

Oh, I would say he's hiding it very well as far as work is concerned. He's won awards and is well respected. All of his non-work friends are drinking buddies, and I'm sure he's told them I'm a frigid ice-maiden and gotten lots of sympathy. I've done a fantastic job hiding it from family and my friends/co-workers, until recently when I've confided in a few.

I haven't said anything to him this weekend because one of my boundaries is that I won't engage in conversation with him when he's drinking......and he's been up and gone both mornings by 4am and drinking by the time I've seen him. Last night he got up and ran smack-dab into our closed bedroom door. I couldn't believe it didn't knock him out.

Reading Former Doormat's post made me sad. Sad that in just the time I found SR (early summer) the effects have elevated so drastically. Sad that he is so deep in denial that he doesn't see any of it. Sad that he would choose a can of beer over his marriage and 4 incredible children. Sad that I have to give up the dream I had for our family.

justaboutus

Yeah, sometimes I get sad when I think about it too. I'm thinking of new dreams now though... Ones that don't involve him or his bottles. My old dreams are no longer possible, but my new ones are very real. And they don't require ANYONE but ME to accomplish them, thus, I know my current dreams WILL COME TRUE... perhaps even as soon as next year.

blessed4x

Thanks justaboutus for keeping me grounded. It is SO easy to slip into the sadness. The life I picture for me and the kids is so different than the life we are living. I want our home to be a place where their friends are comfortable hanging out and watching TV, shooting hoops in the driveway, full of laughter and noise.....full of LIFE.

As it is other kids rarely come over. The (older 2) kids are too embarrassed that their dad will be drunk, say something inappropriate, yell at them for being noisy, or worse yet try to be the "cool parent" and never leave them alone.

I CAN create a life for us that has more moments of joy and fewer filled with anxiety. Thank you.

Pajarito

(((blessed4x))) I just want to offer my support and say I am sorry. I'm sorry for the losses you are dealing with. I am dealing with my own as well, but I also know I can create new dreams. Loved what justaboutus had to say. It's not what I thought I would have, but somehow it will be what I need. The insanity was too hard to live with. Things will get better. Take care. . .

Limerick37

Blessed - you are in my thoughts - I have such admiration for you and the brave decision you have made to change things in your life. Your thoughts about making your home a place where your kids will want to have their friends come over really resonates. My nieces and nephews (whose Dad struggles with alcoholism and pills) haven't had birthday parties in 10 years, and have never had ones where they could have school friends over (they range in age from 17 down to 6)...the older ones don't have their friends over to take pictures before prom or cotillions, and never have a friend over for dinner or to shoot hoops in the driveway...they have never had sleepovers, except with my children at my house. It breaks my heart because I see how they feel they have had to limit their lives, because of their Dad's behavior and their Mom's lack of willingness to deal with it - you described the situation so well. Please know that as confusing as this must be for all of you, you are helping to set them free from all of this.

Shivaya

Oh honey you know I can relate to your story. Girl, I hope you've been to see an attorney.

I called a leak detection agency 2 times to find out what the "mystery liquid" was in my house...that was until I actually witnessed him urinating in places other than the bathroom.

Yes, disgusting. Let's be thankful our children have not witnessed this. Keep us posted.

Shivaya