Question for Al-Anon Sponsors
 

I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 months. She has been going to Al-Anon
meetings for over a year and has a sponsor she really likes. She is working her steps slowly but surely. Is it healthy for her to be in a relationship with
me during this process ?
I support her completely, I have gone to meetings with her and had good dialogue about her steps. Her walls can be quite high and I think she has a
hard time trusting people. I don't want out, I want her to be healthy.

Welcome, Niedler, glad you're here!

Did something specific happen to make you question the relationship?

My ESH is people are free to do whatever they choose in Al Anon i.e. be single or be in a relationship.

Have you thought about joining?

My sponsor and I talked a lot about relationships. She helped me to examine my motives and my feelings...and if I was healthy enough to be able to contribute to a healthy relationship. There were times that I could, and times that I couldn't

Her choice.

It's her choice as to whether or not she makes healthy choices and what "healthy choices" means to her.

I wanted XABF to be healthy too - to the point where I was unhealthy.

Thing is - not using the tools I learned in recovery from codependence would not get me very far in my recovery. Hiding from life won't get me any closer to who I want to be ;)

Hi Niedler:

How about the following question: Is it healthy for you to be in a relationship with her during this process?

It's OK to want her to be healthy. However, having said that, whenever I tried to make others around me healthy, the end result was I got very sick. I soon realized that I wouldn't be of any benefit to anybody, including myself, if I am sick. Getting healthy for me made me aware that I can't make others healthy.

Peace.