LucyA

...I actually started the ball rolling to get legal custody of my nephew Joe.
He's been with me for a while now, since April 14th this year but I didn't do anything till now because I wanted to make sure it would work out alright for everyone who's involved.

My mum - wasn't keen on me having Joe here, she said I couldn't manage, it wouldn't be fair on my own kids, I didn't have room, he could stay with her, etc. I recognise her for what she is now, a codpendant enabler to my brother. She goes behind my back and undermines me at every opportunity, she tries to make Joe speak on the phone to his dad and do stuff he doesn't want to do, but Joe knows better and tells her how it is.

My Kids - they've been sharing their mum for the past seven months, and one of them has been sharing his room too, they've adapted really well, they treat Joe like a younger brother, and insist he shares like they've been brought up to (Joe is an only child) they handle people ringing to see how Joe is by saying 'yes we're all fine' and basically cope really well with no (even minor) traumas. I'm proud of them.


My ex husband - he pays maintenance for my two kids, I wasn't sure how he'd react to Joe living here and me not getting a penny from his dad. He's been great, he's even taken Joe out with our two once or twice and he involves him all the time when he comes round to see the other two


Joes dad - he's only once come around to see Joe, he was drunk and abusive and I called the police. I don't take his feelings into consideration now, just Joes

Me - I wasn't sure how I'd cope with someone elses child. I seem to be doing ok though, it annoyed me at first when the rest of the family only wanted to know how Joe was, everyone seemed to forget that two other kids were having their lives turned upside down and were expected to just get on with it. It was a big upheaval for them and they've managed brilliantly, but it annoyed me that my parents couldn't recognise that.

I've decided to do it now because I'm happy that the four of us (me, my lads and Joe) are ready for it. I'm not bothered about the others, although my ex husband has been a godsend.
I've been doing as I see fit anyway, but I'll feel better about doing it if I have legal backing.

I'm a single parent so I've applied for legal aid or whatever it's called this week, I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm a bit worried because my brother allegedly hasn't been drinking since he came out of hospital and my mother thinks he's fine now, I'd hate us to be on opposite sides but if that's what it takes, thats what it takes.

Impurrfect

(((Lucy)))

I'm so glad you are going ahead with the legal process.

I can understand about the feelings of everyone focusing on Joe, and not the impact it has on the entire family. I remember when my dad had emergency surgery and they found colon cancer. Mom and I were running around, taking care of stuff, and visiting him in the hospital. On, about the 100th phone call, asking how dad was, mom hung up the phone and said "doesn't anyone care how WE are doing?" I've never forgotten that.

I wouldn't worry too much about your brother. Whether or not he's drinking, he hasn't shown any effort to be a dad to Joe. Besides, Joe is old enough, I'm sure what HE wants will be important, and he is happy where he is.

As usual, you are doing an awesome job with all 3 boys and I'm glad the ex is being a big help to you.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

LucyA

I don't care if they wonder how 'we're' doing Amy, they have 3 grandsons, I'd like them to ask how they're doing, not me. It was my birthday yesterday, I hadn't seen my mum and dad for a week as we'd been on holiday. My dad called round in the morning, he brought some bread and milk in case I hadn't had time to get any on the way back. He put the bag in my kitchen, phoned my brother and told him he had a bag of grogeries and left my house because my brother was apparently on his way out. No time for a coffee or to see the kids photos from their holiday. I phoned my mum an hour later and he was still not home from my brothers. I have no time for them if thats how they want to be, I found a birthday card in the bag with the bread, there is probably money in it but I can't bring myself to open it.

I know where I want to be, and it isn't here. I need to move on, I've moved on a heck of a long way since I joined SR, but it's time to go a step further now.

Bernadette

hey Lucy!
Did you just get back from vacation??? Your post has that beautiful clarity of detached observation that I find I only get when I step out of my world for a few days. Perspective. I'm so glad your expanded family unit is not just coping but making a good go of it. It's such a privelage to be following your story like this.

Y'know when I look out into the great big world with all its heartache and sadness I can get really blue - but sometimes i come on here to SR and I am just in awe of all the many acts of kindness both small and HUGE that people are committing each day....there's no trumpets, no fanfare, there's no pretending that everything is perfect or even that it ever will be or can be, but so much of your story, your generosity towards your nephew, even with all its tragic elements, is to be celebrated! Thank you sooooooooooo much for sharing all the bumps and triumphs, all the REALITY!
peace and (((((hugs)))))
B.

Impurrfect

(((Lucy)))

Happy belated birthday!!

I can totally understand your feelings about the boys, but I also imagine being a single mom isn't easy and I wish your parents were more supportive of you and all 3 boys.

You continue to move forward, and I love reading your posts. You are one of my heroes here.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

denny57

Happy B'day LucyA!

Good luck with the plans with Joe.

Rebecca4

Hi Lucy

I would advise you to check the smallprint of your household insurance if you have it.
Not many people know, but they can be insured for legal costs on their household insurance. I am, but I did not know until my solicitor told me to check and I was. It is not automatic, it depnds on the policy.

I am sure you will get legal aid, but it might worthhile having a look.

Best to you
B

LucyA

Wasn't I feeling sorry for myself yesterday! Sometimes it just wears me down. I think I felt bad because we'd had such a great week away and left everything completely behind. Today I'm feeling great and ready to take on the world again.

I checked the insurance, it doesn't cover this unfortunately, but my solicitor doesn't think I'll have a problem with Legal Aid.

Jadmack25

What a wonderful family you and your children are. Pity your parents don't seem to see it that way, but some folk are blinkered about family problems.
I mean if they don't acknowledge son has drinking problem it will be ok.

Hope it all works out easily, and that you and your extended family have a wonderful and fruitful life together.

Sorry you had such a non birthday as far as they were concerned, but I bet the kids made up for it, and really that is more important.
God bless

Anyway ::day from me.