Summer2008

I am so totally confused.

For the last two weekends bf is rarely drinking. Prior to that he would be drinking a beer every 15 minutes or so through the day and by the time the day was over he would have drank a 12 pack, now he's drinking maybe 2 beers a night? This is something I have wished for but gosh, it just doesn't add up.

How can someone go from drinking so much to barely drinking. On top of that business has slowed down, so his stress level is higher, and I would have thought he would increase the amount he's drinking.

Granted we don't live together but we spend the weekend together. I've been at his house this week since Thursday evening and it's just got me puzzled.

This is the same man who on many occasions once he has the first shot he doesn't stop until he pretty much gets home and passes out.

I know he could be going to the bar (and possibly is) when we are not together, yet it's still a HUGE change he's done while we are together. I still believe he is an alcoholic and I've read up on "dry drunks" and don't think that is him because he is still drinking beer, just less of it. He is not mean, nor sulking around, or even seeming to have any symptoms of withdrawal.

I'm hoping anyone can shed some light on this for me.

Freedom1990

Trying to figure out an alcoholic's behavior is futile for me, and takes the focus off of my own recovery.

My youngest AD can go months without binging and I can immediately tell when she's been drinking on the weekend again.

I go on about my business of living and doing what I need to do for me.

It is what it is, and trying to figure it out won't change what it is, no?

denny57

It wasn't until after xAH was out of the house, and I had some awareness under my belt, that I figured out why he made so many trips to his home office to check his answering machine, write something down, etc. The last year or two we were married, he would also run up there right before we headed out anywhere. It annoyed and puzzled me - why couldn't he remember to do whatever it was before we left - but, I never once thought it was to drink.

herewego

My ah switched from beer to whiskey. Initially I thought he had slowed down. Nope. Perhaps its the concentration or the calories.
I no longer care what it is. I know he is drinking. Married 10 years and was clueless for 5.
He is a mad, a angry drunk guy right after work.
Sick but cordial in the morning.
Completely functional at work.

nowinsituation

Like Denny - my AH was also drinking so much on the sly. It was seriously a joke with us that we would all be "ready" to go somewhere. I and the kids would get in the car; and back out of the garage. He would have to "turn out the lights" and "lock the garage" and "go to the bathroom" or whatever, while we waited for him. I thought he was just OCD - now I am pretty sure he was using those few minutes to slam some drinks.

Summer2008

Update, BF is still drinking 2-3 beers a night, which is way down from what it use to be. I'm not convinced this will last but it doesn't keep me from hoping. Either way, I know it's his choice to drink or not.

If anything I'm more surprised that he is not drinking more than he had been because some of the things he is going through right now, I would have guessed it would compounded the amount he was drinking.

I'm proud of him and I will continue to sit on the fence and wait and see what happens. In the mean time I am taking care of the things I need to do in regards to myself and this will include surgery in the very near future.

justaboutus

not to burst your bubble, but... it's only been TWO weekends.

Summer2008

Thank you for the reminder justaboutus,

Actually at this point it's been almost 4 weeks. Even if it was just two weeks though it's still a small step on a long journey for him.

I'm trying to learn to focus on each little step not just in regards to him but in regards to my life and not always focus on the negative. This is a huge step for me.

Learning how

Summer, I hope you are right and he is tapering off on the drinking.

Keep working on you, its really all a person can do.

My AH has stoped drinking but prior to that when he was starting to get the idea he might have a problem with drinking one of the things he tried was to limit his drinking only to weekends. Then as he recently said during a chair at an AA meeting, he desided Friday was really part of the weekend, then he slowly slid back to the way it was. My AH also hid his drinking, he drank out in the shop. I will always remember him swearing to me he wasn't hiding anything and I was over reacting. This was after I found beer in the dog house. God knows how long the dog been drinking.