I just don't get it-help me understand
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 7
I just don't get it-help me understand
Well here I am writing again. Family situation. My son (in his 30's-see previous thread) has decided to not talk to my husband or me. He feels he can't talk to me because he doesn't have respect for my decision to move when my husband did. We lived in a home on my son's property. My son said he had 30 days to stop drinking or "he" needed to move. Not me, only my husband. How does that work? Married over 35 years. My husband has made some progress on his drinking but he still drinks. Went from 12-18 beers to 6 beers after work. Too much? Of course it is!!! I know that. I honestly feel my husband has some depression and tramatic issues from his childhood,and I just don't think that his moving was going to work that out.
We have been very close to our son, he is our only child. I have always respected him and been there on his decisions whether I felt they were right or wrong. When my husband and I first married, he maybe drank 6 beers a week. That slowly progressed over the years. Would I love for him not to drink? Of course, but I would also love for him to, at the same time, discover the issues for why he is drinking. I don't believe just quiting drinking answers the problem, it is the why was I drinking? Numbing myself? Self medicating with beer? I do believe that with some understanding we could move in the direction of sorting it out. I know this is a cliche, but he really is a good man, not a mean bone in his body. How do I handle this with my son "disowning" me. Is my head truly in the sand? Years ago I went to Al Anon and learned about detachment. That is a very healthy thing. He drinks not because of me...but...because of ????? He needs to figure it out. I will stand by him when he choses that path. I am not prepared to leave him at this time. I won't leave him until "I" have exhausted all hope. I don't believe my husband moving and my staying on my sons property was an answer to anything. It was, for my son, probably a very healthy thing for him to do. He is his own man-who I respect. I don't think his decision for what he did was wrong. He had to do what was right for him. I hope some day he will understand I had to do what was right for me, at that time. This year it is 40 years I have been with this man. Being in a relationship with someone just doesn't go by without many hard times, some for my husband and some for me. There are also so many happy times. Any suggestions? Any words of wisdom for me? Believe me I could use them to help sort some of this out.
We have been very close to our son, he is our only child. I have always respected him and been there on his decisions whether I felt they were right or wrong. When my husband and I first married, he maybe drank 6 beers a week. That slowly progressed over the years. Would I love for him not to drink? Of course, but I would also love for him to, at the same time, discover the issues for why he is drinking. I don't believe just quiting drinking answers the problem, it is the why was I drinking? Numbing myself? Self medicating with beer? I do believe that with some understanding we could move in the direction of sorting it out. I know this is a cliche, but he really is a good man, not a mean bone in his body. How do I handle this with my son "disowning" me. Is my head truly in the sand? Years ago I went to Al Anon and learned about detachment. That is a very healthy thing. He drinks not because of me...but...because of ????? He needs to figure it out. I will stand by him when he choses that path. I am not prepared to leave him at this time. I won't leave him until "I" have exhausted all hope. I don't believe my husband moving and my staying on my sons property was an answer to anything. It was, for my son, probably a very healthy thing for him to do. He is his own man-who I respect. I don't think his decision for what he did was wrong. He had to do what was right for him. I hope some day he will understand I had to do what was right for me, at that time. This year it is 40 years I have been with this man. Being in a relationship with someone just doesn't go by without many hard times, some for my husband and some for me. There are also so many happy times. Any suggestions? Any words of wisdom for me? Believe me I could use them to help sort some of this out.
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
Hello, tortoise!
It is certainly difficult to move. I hate packing!
Is your son truly "disowning" you or simply detaching and asking for some space?
Perhaps he decided that he didn't want to be responsible for enabling his father to drink any longer - part of my recovery involved taking an honest inventory of the ways in which I enabled my husband's alcoholism and doing my best to eliminate those behaviors.
I wish you peace, and I'm sending good thoughts your way.
-TC
It is certainly difficult to move. I hate packing!
Is your son truly "disowning" you or simply detaching and asking for some space?
Perhaps he decided that he didn't want to be responsible for enabling his father to drink any longer - part of my recovery involved taking an honest inventory of the ways in which I enabled my husband's alcoholism and doing my best to eliminate those behaviors.
I wish you peace, and I'm sending good thoughts your way.
-TC
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
