veryrestless722

i wasnt judging you or anything, i just wanted to know how a woman justify's dating a married man, i know most of the time the man usually lies about what is going on and its easy to fall into the trap of believing him

somehow i dont believe the two girls my husband cheated with are like you, to them its more a game, they think they are getting some prize by getting a married man away from his wife, those are the women i dont understand

sorry eggshell im not trying to take over your post :sorry

lostnfound1961

Here is my two cents. comming down on this woman will not help anything. He is the one who chose to make this mistake. We alcoholics do stupid things when we drink. In my case... I was the one who cheeted. I felt justified at the time because I felt my husband no longer loved me. I felt very alone and was looking for something to fill a void in me and sex seemed to be the only thing besides the alcohol it's self that made me feel connected to some one. In reality the alcohol was what seporated me from my husband. My thinking was distorted and I was full of anger. I felt worthless and nothing he did could make that feeling go away. I am to blame for what I did. Not any of the men I had sex with, or talked to. (I DID IT) I take full blame for what I did and have had to walk through fire to get any trust back in the relationship.

Don't blame her. She is just another person who is lost, like he is lost in his adiction. I'm not saying its not a big deal but that he is the one who has to earn your love and trust. She is nothing to you and has moved on to the next person who is willing to hold her or give her a drink, or whatever it is about her that she does this. Also she may have thoguht he was single and liked her. Who knows..... Anyway, I'm just saying that the men I was with didn't make me do it so it's not thier fault.

cem001

Eggshell,

It's funny how you can get on here and see something that hits a nerve.

For me when the affair was "confirmed" by writings I shouldn't have been reading, it was almost a relief.

Did it hurt, you bet your sweet a** it did. I had ALWAYS suspected. I had pretty much resorted to the fact that he had a physical as well as an emotional affair with this woman. I knew something was really wrong when I drove by his shop in town and this other woman was there hugging him. Then I got a phone call with him yelling at me wanting to know why I was spying on him. HELLO RED FLAGS.

I won't go into the long gory details of everything I did to catch him.

Does it still hurt? Well HELL YES! He has not confirmed or admitted to having a sexual relationship with her yet.

How I deal with it is a little thing called a journal. I have written so many dang Dear God letters to her and him both that you would think there would be nothing there to be angry about. ED is a constant struggle with him. I pray that everyday he works on his 4th step in order to get past his hurdles.

Will I forgive him? Yes. Have I forgiven him? Not sure. This woman was looking for someone to take care of her and her kids. She saw a man who cares deeply for friends and who likes to take care of needs. She played on that along with the alcohol. Yes, she partied, I didn't. She gave him the attention he said he wasn't getting at home. WHATEVER. We were at the point where I couldn't stand to get close to him, much less have sex.

He to this day continues to stress that nothing happened. Maybe when he's done his 4th step he'll learn that he'll have to open up to someone about it he'll finally be able to move on.

eggshell, hang in there. The anger does get better.

By the way my RAH is 4 years sober and we have been married 21 years.

Freedom1990

Same here. She knew nothing of it either till he packed up the trailer and drove all the way from Florida to my house and moved in.

When he walked out on me 15 months later, I finally hit my codie bottom.

Pajarito

Uggh- yes. I still shudder when I think about what I was dealing with 10 years ago. And now I wonder what STBXAH's girlfriend sees in him or how much she knows- like that he's an alcoholic. She has a dd too. In some ways I feel sorry for her, but in most I don't. They met when he started working with her 2 years ago. At that time she knew he was married. She has to know he's married/going through a divorce now. Her choice. His choice. I'm sick about it, but grateful I'm not putting up with his krap anymore. I hope you find the peace you're looking for eggshell.

GiveLove

:ghug
sorry, DeVon. Stinks, doesn't it?
Ah well, we're wiser now.

penneypoo

This is classic, that should keep her away from him!

Maybe the only good thing that came out of it was his 30 day sobriety, he owes you that. But the trust is broken, and there is no excuse for that. Forgiving is hard, but it's the only way to move forward. If he does not continue with his sobriety, I'd show him the door. I wish you peace.