lostnfound1961

I know better than to think it, or even say it out loud. (wow things are getting better!) Seems those are the words that blow it all to hell. The home life has been great for about two months now, but recently the AH went to a funaral and stayed gone all day with an old drinking/gambling buddy, Then he slipped out for a while again a few days later and now he doesn't even hide it. What he does do is walk in with this angry ora that dares me to confront him. Like I need to. I"m not stuped and I know what he is doing. The difforance this time is that rather than reacting by doing something destructive like cheeting on him, I use this as yet another tool that reminds me I am on the right track in my own life.

In so many ways I am proud of my self and that gives me stringth. When I first came to this site, I had no stringth at all. I isolated and just cried. What a sad way to live.

I went to my AA meeting last night and it was a great meeting. The subject was "living in the solution" I came home feeling real good because yesterday I had some revolations about my self and my healing, and last night they talked about just that sort of thing. So I am all happy, I got some things done in the house, but when I hit the house.... no one is there. He walked up the street to the local bar. At first I was upset and sad, but then I realized I wasn't the one in the bar so why was I so upset. My first thought was "he picked the bar over you" then I remembered he is sick. His drinking has nothing to do with loving or not loving me.

I am upset that my relationship looks like it's comming to an end but I am not nearly as upset as I was in the past. I'm not angry, Or feeling self pitty or that this is all my fault. It just is. I have made some life changing choices and I am so much more happy now that I don't ever want to go back. The idea of sitting in a bar and drinking make me feel ill.

I hope and pray that my AH will realize he can't keep this up and stopps but I am not betting on it and if he goes back to his old ways of drinking all the time then he can fined a new wife.

Hey but the good new is..... I'm not drinking and my house is clean. LOL
D

denny57

I am thrilled for you! Congratulations!

lostnfound1961

Thank you.

GiveLove

Keep taking those little steps forward lostnfound. You are doing just great. How cool that you put YOU first and went to your meeting. I feel so proud of myself too when I can pick myself up and do what's right. Awesome!:ghug3