blessed4x

Just feeling a bit overwhelmed. My dad is on hospice for end-stage cancer. It has spread to liver and lungs. He lives out of town and I don't get to spend time with him like I want to.....and that leads to those guilty feelings.

The company I work for is having financial difficulties, and I'm hoping they have enough to cover payroll this week. I've got several bills that are due and am pretty much on a paycheck-to-paycheck basis.

I have some horrible respiratory virus that has left my voice (when I have one at all) sounding something like my almost 13 year old son's.

Then there's the same old stuff with AH (no further explanation needed since y'all have been there)

It seems like I should be able to do something, ANYTHING to change my world, but right now I am so stuck with no energy to do much more than the bare minimum. It's like trying to run a marathon under water.

I'm trying to come up with some concrete things to do that will change things. I need small steps. I've been trying to get in a warm bath at least 2-3 nights a week, am working on eating a healthier diet, getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night. All of those things have been great in taking care of me, but haven't done a darn thing to change my situation.

I have talked with an attorney, made that first step, and am just wondering if filing now is the best idea, given all the other garbology in my life. Thanks for listening, and any thoughts are appreciated. sometimes it's much clearer from the outside than it is in the midst of it.

FormerDoormat

I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I'm especially sorry to hear about your father. I lost my father to cancer roughly two years ago. It was an incredible painful time in my life.

Since financial worries seem high on your list, how about tackling that as a starting point? I found taking charge of and improving my finances was not only good for my self esteem, but it gave me independence and the freedom to end my relationship when the situation with Richard became more than I could handle.

Along those lines, I found the following books to be very helpful:

Women and Money by Suze Orman
Make Money, Not Excuses by Jean Chatzky
Start Late, Finish Rich by David Bach
The Magic of Thinking Big (the author's name escapes me at the moment)

I also found that when I was focusing on improving my finances and becoming independent, I was no longer focused on what Richard was or was not doing.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

CatsPajamas

You might be surprised at how much it's doing. You are taking positive steps to take care of YOU. That's a change right there, isn't it?

I know that much of my recovery was baby steps. I made a small change here, a little improvement there. I couldn't see that anything was getting any better, but I kept at it. Some time later I was able to look back and see how far I had come.

My recovery friends tell me that my decisions should feel pretty good. If I am feeling forced to make a choice or decision and feeling full of angst and second guessing myself, perhaps it's not the right time to make that decision. It's been my experience that I can hand it over to my HP and continue to just do the next right thing... most of my issues seem to work themselves out fairly comfortably.

HUGS... I recommend another bubble bath. They are good for the soul

Cats

veryrestless722

im sorry to hear about your father

i would maybe put off filing until other things get better, it would just be one less stress on you, but actually gettin that ball rolling could also be a good thing right now

you sound like your doing everything you can right now, keep that up and i hope things get better for you soon, hang in there!!

Jadmack25

It never just rains problems does it? Sometimes it pours on us.
Dear Blessed, my thoughts are with you for all the troubles you are having, and my prayers for your father that he may have a peaceful passing.
With all the things that are happening right now in your life, I salute you for being able to keep at it as well as you are doing.
May I suggest you give priority to pampering yourself, keep up the relaxing baths, and make a to do list. Then do only what is necessary now and defer those things you can. Perhaps filing for divorce is too much to add to the burden just now and can be put off til you feel better able to cope.
God be with you now and help you carry your crosses.

bookwyrm

(((blessed)))

I don't have any advice/ideas/tips on what you should do next, I'm still in the middle of it all too. Just wanted to say, don't be so hard on yourself, you have a lot going on! You've already made so many changes for the better. You are progressing, it just doesn't all happen at once - remember baby steps! Be kind to yourself.
:ghug3

denny57

I agree with Cat's - I didn't recognize the changes that were happening because they weren't the ones I was looking for (make sense?)

Since you threw out the idea that perhaps you should file - I do listen to those thoughts that pop up.

Hang in there. I went through the same with my dad and it was an extremely stressful and scary time.

((( )))

GiveLove

Ah, but do you really know how you'd feel if you WEREN'T doing those things?

I would give you a big hug if you were here, blessed. But barring that, all I can do is share.

My mother-in-law is also in hospice, also end-stage cancer, with "hours to days." She is far away, and yet I can't be there all the time because I need to continue working. The family is displeased by that, and makes it clear. My husband has been coming and going, trying to be supportive but at the same time keep his job. He cannot sleep more than two hours at a time until the stress wakes him up. I am trying to do everything to keep the juggling balls in the air here, but they're falling all over the place. Forgot to pay the phone bill, all that stuff.

The economy problems have my clients scared. Work has slowed down to a trickle. I'm comparison-shopping for rice and beans

Here's what I've been doing, fwiw:
--Cut way back on any sugar, alcohol, caffeine
--Get a good night's sleep every night
--Get out in the fresh air and walk for 45 minutes each day
--Listen to "The Joy Diet" book on tape (Martha Beck) whenever I'm driving - incredible stuff.
--Take fifteen minutes a day to just do nothing. Drink tea, stare out into the back yard, cry. Doesn't matter, as long as it's nothing, and I let myself feel what I feel.
--Take a mega B-Complex stress vitamin every day.
--Take a supplement of echinacea (liquid) to build my immune system
--Read a chapter in "Your Money or Your Life" (Dominguez/Robin), quite possibly the most clarifying book about improving your financial status I've ever read
--Visualize what "changing my situation" would look like. If I don't have a VERY clear picture of the life I want, I know I'm doomed to stay in the one I've got. I use Barbara Sher's book "Wishcraft" a lot for this (great exercises in there)

All of this doesn't change the fact that someone's dying, that I can't turn the stock market around, or that I pulverized my knee this past weekend, but on some level I'm setting myself up for happiness and I'll recognize it when it shows its face at my door. It's like putting out the karma welcome mat: I live here! Come on in!

WIshing you luck with all of this. One little step at a time.

blessed4x

Thank you all so much. Thank you Give Love for the very concrete things I can be doing to take care of me. I am going to call the library when I get off the computer and see if I can get my hands on a copy of "Your Money or Your Life", and "Women and Money" (thanks FD). I hadn't even thought of the need for a B-Complex vitamin, but that's a great suggestion.

It's really like Maslow's heirarchy at this point. Once I've got the food and shelter thing covered I can move on to the other stuff. I don't know what I would have done without the support I find here......some days that's just in the form of reading the struggles and triumphs everyone else is in, and I don't feel up to posting at all.

I know the chapter in my life is coming where I have to take care of business with the AH. There's a good chance he will push my buttons at the wrong moment and it could be sooner than later, or he may finally decide he really has had enough and move on (I know, magical thinking). But for today I'm going to keep the focus on me.

chrisea

just reading some of these suggestions, is calming, thanks