ToughChoices

I attend a small group therapy session each week.
The women in my group all face different trials (not all addiction related), and we are each there for different reasons.

Every week we go around the room to see how everyone is doing - what's changing and how circumstances are shaping up.

One woman always says the same thing. "You know. I'm just doing the same old same old. Someday I'm going to get where I want to be, but in the meantime......" She shrugs as her voice trails off.

As she repeated this line at our meeting yesterday, it occurred to me:
there is no meantime.

The meantime is your life.

Everyday spent wishing for life to hand you a different set of circumstances, hoping that the future will hold more promise, praying that the people you love will start treating you the way you deserve to be treated - those are days that could have been spent in fullness and gratitude. In joy and giving.

They are days that can hold laughter and wonder at the sheer abundance of goodness that life has to offer those who are willing to seek it.

But we must seek it.

We can't simply show up, say our line, and hope that the world will change for us.
Biding my time is wasting my time.

Take care.
-TC

Stubborn1

Depends on what you are doing with your time. Are you living or letting it pass by?

Bernadette

TC - thanks for this--
It is so true!!
Peace-
B

FormerDoormat

Amen, TC. As MallowCup says, "every vent requires a solution." I solved my problems with actions, not words.

CatsPajamas

I stayed in my relationship... and as the fog started to lift, I slowly changed my focus from what was wrong with him to what was wrong with the relationship. I had to learn that IT was toxic. And then I had to decide what that meant and what I could do about it. It was a process.

My "meantime" was spent going to meetings, some counseling, lots of reading etc. It's rather like the concept of Hall Time. They say when God closes a door He opens another, but sometimes it's not right away. There's a time when you're just in the hall, pacing back and forth, processing what you've learned. In it's time ~ NOT mine~ the next door will open. In the meantime you're just in the hall.

I really like what you said, TC. Some really good insight!

GiveLove

When I look back through my journals, I can see that my "meantime" evolved. It started out with me "being trapped" and just waiting for things to magically get better. That phase lasted quite a while, I'm sorry to say. A couple of years at least. But if I read on, I start to notice things creeping in. Taking a class. Meeting a new (non-addicted) friend or two. Learning a foreign language. Getting up the guts to take trips alone. Finding a counselor who was smart. Taking better care of myself physically.

And finally it became: "Remind me again why I'm allowing myself to live like this?" (picture this smart, muscular, confident, kind woman towering over her alcoholic partner in the morning light, and you get the idea )

Great thoughts, TC. If I'd spent the first decades of my life just waiting for something different to happen and not forcing myself to take small, evolving actions, I'd still be in the same sad soup I was a few years ago.

One tiny step at a time helped so much.

ToughChoices

I really appreciate this concept!

While it's true that there are transition states (totally normal and good as we process changes and prepare for the future), I was struck by how this (very sweet, good-natured) woman in my therapy group wasn't doing anything to transition!

Just waiting. Telling the same story every week.

Friends and family of alcoholics aren't the only ones who get stuck.
Sometimes I am so grateful for my experience with addiction in a loved one - the overwhelming awfulness of it spurned me to early action and showed me how recovery could benefit me!
If it weren't for alcoholism, I might have spent a lot longer waiting for other people to get with the program.

Thanks for all the great insights, everyone!
-TC

Jazzman

Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes form a song...

"life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"
John Lennon

cem001

Well said!

Great question.

denny57

I like what my doctor said to me. It's ok to sit and stare at the wall, as long as you are DOING it, not WAITING there. I am a firm believer in action. It doesn't rule out hope, faith or love, but it gets things done.

Great share, TC - thanks!

Lilyflower

I'm in the hall at the mo I think, however there is a bit of a party atmosphere in my hall at the moment, I'm loving learning accepting and processing, it is making me realise just what is behind all those other doors and I'm all excited about them opening out for me!!!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx