veryrestless722

i guess it was too much wishful thinking that he would never call me again, everybody told me he would eventually call, but i didnt believe it

he calls and says hes just calling to see how im doing, im like im fine, what do you want, hes like where are you at, sittin in front of the computer-why?, i just wanted to see how you were, are you ok (he asks this over and over), i finally say im fat, pregnant, and i can barely walk, im as ok as i can be, he starts laughing, like were old buddies or something, but im staying calm i dont yell or fight with him, even though my heart is about to beat out of my chest, i dont let him know that, well anyways im like how come you aint sent me any money for the baby, hes like i dont have any, you should know how hard it is to survive down here by yourself, im like ok, i didnt choose for you to survive by yourself, you made that choice, i was helping you, i even offered to move back to alabama with you

hes like well im going to alabama very very soon, im like ok, what about me? ( a little codie coming out of me i guess lol) hes like i hope you will follow me, so im like in what way, as married, as friends, what? hes like i dont know, ok , i said i dont have the energy to fight with you anymore, hes like why fight thats your problem we should communicate (this coming from a man who cares more about a bar than his child) im like it doesnt even matter anymore i dont have the energy to fight for my marriage anymore all i want is my baby and nothing else matters to me than that, so i wanted to see if he would ask about the baby so im like well hes a bad little baby but i still love him to death and cant wait til hes born, so he FINALLY asked about the baby, i just told him a little about how the baby dont cooperate with ultrasounds or getting his heartbeat, i told him that i had told my nurse that the baby was just like his sperm donor, he does what he wants when he wants, my x didnt pick up on me calling him a sperm donor or didnt comment on it, then hes like thats my boy :wtf2, YOU DONT EVEN ASK ABOUT YOUR SON i basically have to force him to listen to anything about him

then he asks about my dogs (he knows thats a key to me, im a big dog lover) i calmly tell him about each one, then hes like this is just so unfair, im like what, he said this whole situation, (i almost snap on that but i stayed calm) im like well the past 7 months aint been too fair to me, so he drops that cause he knows ill snap about that, so anyways im like your mama sent me some baby stuff, he was shocked (just cause he dont want the baby dont mean his family dont ) then hes like dont tell mama that i might be going back to alabama, then hes well im going to bed , i said its only 6 at night, hes like im very tired (sounded depressed to me) can i call you tomorrow, i said whatever im always here, then we hung up

and of course as soon as we hung up i get upset, but it doesnt last that long, i think im just done crying for him, i get more upset over what we could have had if he wouldnt have thrown it all away, before if he would have called i would have been depressed for days so i think ive come a long ways , im proud of myself for that, just because hes called it doesnt have to change my life

course im a neurotic little codie, so i sit around trying to analyze everything he said to me, his little "i dont know" about us, is his way of wanting me to beg and say everything will be ok and we'll work it out and for me to fix everything, as i have in the past, news flash for him though i aint doing that this time, he dont want his mama to know hes coming back cause she wont put up with his drinking or his ways, he thinks if hes with me then it will smooth the path back to his mama, cause he knows she aint happy with him for leaving me alone pregnant
i think him calling was because his life is falling a part and he didnt have any alcohol last night, anytime hes out of alcohol he sleeps, its the only way he deals with it, i think him and the girlfriend are probably not working out the way he wants, and/or hes about to lose his job if he aint already lost it, he may be starting to feel guilty about the baby cause its getting close to my due date (im not telling him im having him early) but he still doesnt ask much about the baby, i dont get that
but every time he calls me or i call him (i dont anymore) and this other girl knows about it then she hangs on to him tighter, its like a game to her i guess, got a news flash for her, im not fighting for him, if she wants him that bad then keep him leave me out of it, i dont know exactly what he thinks is so unfair about the "situation" cause i dont know what situation hes really talking about, hes so confusing
i dont think he will call today, im sure now that eventually ill get another call, but im not fixin him this time so he needs to just fix whatever is wrong with his oh so great life, course my codie ways sneak back up and ill probably wait by the phone all day

my dad flipped out on me about my x, saying if your gonna have him at the hospital it better be a time im not there, he just went off, my mom is just like i told you so, but shes tryign to lay little guilt trips, "oh i just think your a fool if you go back, i knew he was gonna start calling and your gonna fall for his lines again" im like please people give me a little credit, of course i miss him and love him (dont know why) but i know i cant go back through all the bullsh*t with him again, i cant pick up his life for him again, im tired of only being good enough for him when he has nothing else! but i hate that i have no control over my life, my parents or my husband think i cant make decisions for myself, this is my life if i make the wrong choice then its my problem im so tired of feeling trapped, i hate living in florida, ive stayed 7 years for my parents, and even now they wont let me go, if i say something about going back to alabama now, then they are like your only going for him, i want to go back cause thats where all my friends and family are, i could actually have people around to go out with, here in florida im stuck at home all the time

i know if i went back i would have a higher risk of falling back into my old pattern with my X , but my life should be my choice not what everybody else thinks i should do, im smart enough now to realize my son comes first, i love my family and appericate all the help they 've given me but they are driving me nuts, i feel so trapped and tied down with everything, i wish my x would just leave me alone, he dont act like he wants the baby so why he cant just leave me alone is beyond me

im sorry this is so long, i just get to rambling, i cant talk to my family about any of this, i just get snapped on when i bring up my X, none of them understand how hard it is to love someone that is an alcoholic, to break away from them for good and be ok with it

Jadmack25

That is the main issue for thousands of partners of alcoholics. People do NOT understand us being with them, and going thru some c**ppy times. They also can't believe that we don't feel happy and free, why we miss thhem so much when we are no longer together.
Mind you, we don't know why we love them either, or why we feel as we can when it is over, because a lot of the time they can be horrible, offensive, shameful, obnoxious and totally unlovable.

I hope for you that you can tune out on words and actions that upset you and keep your mind on your baby and the life you will share together.

Have you in my prayers.
God bless you

veryrestless722

thanks for your reply

i just realized im ok, him calling didnt change my life in any way, i was upset for a moment and then just got back to doing what i do everyday, i now know hes slowly losing control over me, he doesnt have the power to hurt me as much as he once did

im less than two weeks away from delivery and i need to focus on that, i cant take a chance on maybe getting upset if he calls again so ive decided if he calls im not gonna answer anymore, hes kinda dumb anyway, i think hes under the impression that i will have the baby right on my due date (nov 21st) which is not the case, i guess this being his first child he doesnt realize most women dont give birth on their actual due date, but im not telling him because i need time to recover from my c-section without him bothering me

i just refuse to be his phone call for when things dont work out or hes feeling down, if im not good enough for you any other time then dont bother me

i really think im gonna make it this time, and not go back to him, ive come so far and dont want to ever go backwards again, im looking ahead and all i see is my baby boy and thats all i need!!

Jadmack25

So glad that you feel as you do. You sound much stronger and confident in yourself.
Told my abf when he last rang drunk and "feeling down", that he should call lifeline to talk to, because I was the one on antidepressants and not able to shoulder his self inflicted misery.

Your first priority is YOU, and the precious child you have within you, and you don't need any hassles from anyone, least of all one who can upset you even for 5 minutes.

Well done on putting your needs first, and stay strong.

Lilyflower

I just wanted to say ''good for you''! i think your second post is full of wisdom and love toward yourself and your baby.

I can so relate to the nightmare communicating with an active A is having just done that recently with my ex, your first few paragraphs were the exact same conversation/feelings I have!

Keep moving forward, your **** has a great momma!

Love and Joy
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

veryrestless722

thanks, i do feel better now a days, i dont like being an addict (codependant) i feel like ive been on a roller coaster for 7 months that has finally slowed down, im actually amazed how calm and how well im doing, i think my son makes me stronger, i think i just finally accept things and if i have a bad day i now know they dont last forever

ive went from loving my husband , to hating him, to being mad and angry at him, to total confusion with him, to finally just feeling sorry for him, hes locked in a place where no one can help him but hisself

the way i see it now, is im going forward in my life, ive got to get back on my feet, get to work, go back to school, gain complete independance, all i want to do is be able to do the best i can for me and my son, my husband can choose to be a part of that or not, if he wants to go to rehab (long term rehab not no little 30 days, he needs more help than that lol) then hes free to contact me if and only if he gets completely sober, other than that we have nothing to discuss, im still going ahead with a divorce next year when i get the money, everyday after my son is born is one more day hes not a part of his son's life, every day that goes by i get stronger and move further away from him, i have no desire to date right now, im focused on my son, working and school, but the day will come that ill date again, its up to him what he wants in his life, im just not putting my life on hold for him anymore, if he waits until its too late thats his problem, i love him probably always will, but with or without him my life goes on, and i refuse to have only half of him, alcohol has always had that other half, its either 100% or nothing, i refuse to put up with drinking anymore

how i wish i would have known all of this so long ago, i could have missed so much pain, but i guess its a learning lesson

i was just talkin to my best friend on the phone and shes like i couldnt deal with being single like you, i would want help with the baby or i would just get lonely, im just like not really, you learn to adapt, i have an offer to date this one person, he wants to "help" me with my baby, he wants a relationship (ive known or rather knew him when i was a teenager, so hes not a stranger just offering this lol ) but i told him no, i really have no desire to be in a relationship right now, i like being alone, its ok to be alone, its taken me a long time to realize that, but i cant accomplish what i want to if im with somebody, i know alot of people fear being alone, i used to, not anymore, its actually very calming not to put up with anyone else, and i have family to help with the baby i dont need a man to do that

Lilyflower

:ghug3

fabulous stuff!



Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxx