justaboutus

That's just it, I don't know what I want anymore. The few things I do know I want (and have been complaining about this whole time), I don't think he can give me. I do want a healthy relationship... for me and my daughter. I guess I'll just start putting the smack down on him every time I see something I deem wrong or inappropriate.

Then again... I don't really want to put all this energy into "fixing" this relationship I'm not sure I'll EVER be happy in. I'd much rather just say f* off, but I can't do that because of dd... I gotta figure out how to deal with him.

GiveLove

Well, then, maybe you can start small.

Can you think up five things you know for sure you're not willing to compromise on? For example, my top five might be:

If you drink again, I will leave.
If you verbally abuse me again, I will leave.
If you are unfaithful to me, I will leave.
If you throw so much as a cotton ball in anger, I will leave.
If you lie to me again, I will leave.

You don't need a whole novel at first. You start with the ones that really make you sick, and set some strong boundaries around them. You can work your way up from there.

And if he can't live with your top five dealbreakers, then you have a hard decision to make.....but at least you'll know you have to make it.

By the way, did you ever read this thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lbreakers.html
Huge eye-opener for me.

Jadmack25

Normal is what we DON'T have when alcohol and/or drugs come into our life.

Stubborn1

Normal to me would be when all you have left is a decent friendship where you can sit and talk. You communicate without arguing, cussing and yelling. It's when you care about another person and do things to make them happy because it makes you feel happy inside.
Normal is flowing with the current of life and not fighting against it. Normal is no drama, no chaos, just peace and finding beauty in the smallest of things.
Treating yourself and him, himself as special people.
To me, this is what I want for normal

brundle

Wow! The top 5 deal breakers was really good! If I was ever doing a list that would be it..!!

PS.. The bad thing is when you say those things and they do them anyway!

GiveLove

It's bad for a little while, when you have to put your money where your mouth is, get your affairs in order and leave.

Then life starts to get better, and you start feeling this pride in your chest that you stood up for yourself and didn't accept a sub-standard, abusive, chaos-filled life any more.

Then your vibe of self-respect starts to attract others who love strong people rather than enablers.

Then life gets amazing.

It all starts with deciding what you want your life to look like, and finding support and courage to make it so. That's one reason SR exists, imho.

denny57

But the good thing is when I followed through on my condition: leaving. Life today is more happy, joyous and free than it ever was for one minute living with alcoholism.