What are you trying to change?
 

I read this book recently about this guy who grew up in an alcoholic home and in there it talked about how none of his family took pride in their possessions nor took care of things that were special to them.

The book also talked about their family home being like a rubbish tip. The house was jam packed with rubbish because his parents didn't care enough to keep it clean.

The family I grew up in was similar to this and as children we were not taught to 'take care of our special things' either.

So a couple of weeks ago I decided I would start to take care of my car as I do love it. It's a convertable and brings me great joy in the summer.

I have a car cover I have been trying to put on it every night because I park my car in a carport (at night) and lots of birds live in there too, and doing what birds do, they crap all over my car! But so far so good. Most nights I remember to put the car cover on and I feel quite good about it doing it.

Are any of you trying to change something about yourself at the moment?

I'm trying to change my wrapped mindset regarding the aging process.

I am going back to school to tweak my career path, changing my excercise routine to include swimming and planning a ski trip for Christmas.

Some of the verbal abuse ah dishes out has caused a steady errosion of my self worth.
I'm 44 with 7&10 year old children. Recently relocated for the 3rd time in 5 years and feeling not so fab about the situation. Ah is full of open displays of hatred.
I ignored it for a long time by focusing on my career.
Now its my time to change me.

I always wanted a convertible! :)

I am working on not being such a perfectionist (passed on by my mother, thank you very much! :lmao ). I was really struggling with that the last couple of weeks with my college classes.

Oh, and I have a horrible habit of not eating real well, so I'm making a conscious effort to eat better foods :)

I've been trying to change my family-given attitudes about money, specifically that money is dirty, that it is more noble to be in poverty, that all people with more money than me must have gotten it by walking all over someone else, etc.

I'm reading a book called Money Drunk, Money Sober (thanks to an SR poster), and it's been great so far. I don't aspire to be rich, but I do want to stop sabotaging myself because of my programming about money.

Great thread!
I am working on being easier on myself. I am making a huge effort to write a to do list for the day that can actually be completed in one day. An actual day not a 36 hour day stuffed in to 8 hours.

I am trying every day to take time for me, and do only one thing during that time. Me time does not include doing laundry, sewing buttons on other peoples shirts, washing dishes or sweeping floors.

I can be very hard on myself. Its hard for me to be gentle with me.
:flowers1:

Hiya all-
I am also trying hard to change my "money" issues.
I really REALLY struggle with staying on a budget.
And I tend to start planning things BEFORE I think about the budget.

I have been learning to apply stuff that I used to use in my production work (where every single item had a line in the budget). When I worked with budgets in my job I was a perfectionist - I was obsessed with coming in "under budget" because that meant more money for whatever production company I was freelancing for, and hence, they would think I was great and hire me again or say good things about me to other companies. So why haven't I been able to do the same for my own "Production Company" i.e. My Family?

It's a codie trait - going all out for others and leaving only the scraps for my self.

Getting serious about budgeting my months and year is helping....slowly....I just wish I had more money to move around!
Peace-
B.

I am working on asking others for help when I need it. It was difficult at first, not so much any longer.

I am also working on letting people love me. I'm exhausted with explaining to them why they shouldn't LOL.

I am working on saying no when I mean it. I have often said yes to people and commited to going out to things that really I should have said no to. It has made a big difference! and now when I do say yes I really mean yes!

Oh gosh, pull up a chair, this might take a while!

LOL- just about *everything,*
namely financial budgeting and rearranging household chores into something manageable to my children and my- (newly fulltime employed and still fulltime student) self.

"Please be patient, God isn't finished with me yet......." seems like it would be a great motto for my life.

Trying to forgive myself for enabling abf for so darned long and blaming him for me "having" to do it. Thank to SR I now know just what enabling is; keeping us both in prison. Now I am out of it ( I hope) and do not want to return there.

Awesome Thread!

I am trying to maintain and stay on the path I've been enjoying since I started recovering from my codie-ness.

It's tough and requires constant monitoring at times.

One particular trait I keep an eye out for is when I become too engrossed in work and start neglecting my life outside of it, my friends and my own me-time. I need those things like I need food and water. I've had to curb my time at work lately as it was beginning to take a toll on my extra-curricular activities.

Another is allowing others to do for me - it's gotten easier, but I still feel a small twinge of guilt at times - then reinforce my daily affirmations liek crazy. Before, I would have put up a hand and rejected any help anyone wanted to offer because I felt it meant I was weak and immediately assumed it came with conditions - I assumed no one would give to me freely without conditions - I used to think I didn't deserve it.

I've also been making a BIG effort to look into my soul and really find what makes my heart sing - find out what truly fascinates me and gives me a sense of awe. I've discovered a few things about myself over the past few months and I'm taking steps to incorporating these things into my life - permanently.

Who would think that things like this take effort? ;)

I am trying to rekindle, nurture, and develop friendships. I have let myself become so isolated and it is lonely.

I'm trying to take better care of myself. I'm taking vitamins and trying to get into the habit of washing/moisturizing my face twice a day and keeping my hair in good shape (regular hair cuts). It's easy to put these things off because I don't have the money or there's other things that need doing. It's making me look better, which makes me feel better, which gives me more confidence. I love it.

I am trying to get MY life back, and give my son the childhood he deserves. I want him to see me laugh more, I want to spend more quality time with him, he is so precious!

These are the things I'm working on...

Anything beyond the tip of my nose is none of my business (this one requires constant repetition since I've been a major control freak for 40 years).

Fearful is not faithful.

I trust you, God, COMPLETELY! I trust you, I trust you, I trust you (repeated countless times throughout any given day)

It is not God's way to respond/react with anger. Strive to make my own behavior more pleasing to God.

My boundaries are about ME, and it is perfectly reasonable for ME to keep MY boundaries solid to protect/preserve MY peace, MY serenity, MY sanity. It doesn't really matter if my AH likes it or not. Its about ME.

One day at a time.

Tomorrow is a new day.

These are the main things I'm working on right now.

Today, I am trying to change two things:

1) My fear of confrontation...I am usually willing to accept unacceptable behavior because I fear confrontation. I don't like to be near it, around it, or doing it. Therefore, I have allowed myself and others to be hurt because I don't want to rock the boat. Today, I am going to try to learn that it is okay to be gentle and assertive. I can stop unacceptable behavior AND treat the person on the receiving end with courtesy...even if I am outraged. This is something I want to change.

2) I want to change my appearance. As the Just For Today bookmark says, "just for today, I will appear my best and dress becomingly"...this also means that I am going to be conscious of what I put in my body and how I am going to exercise it.

GREAT THREAD!

I went "magnet shopping" over the weekend and found this one that is now hanging at eye level where I have to see it everyday. These are more things I am trying to change about me:

If you have a preference - state it
If you have a question - ask it
If you feel like crying - bawl
If you need help - raise your hand and jump up and down

I think I'm still struggling with my codependency a lot more than I like to admit (and that's probably a huge understatement). However, the biggest thing I'm working on changing right now is not allowing life and others around me to determine how I'm going to feel each day, and not allow life to pass me by because I didn't feel I deserved to enjoy it.

I'm trying to learn to follow through.

Working on giving my children an alcohol free home.

Working on finding my voice here on SR.

Taking one day at a time...

Brundle, you are doing great. Hang in there.