denny57

Small hijack: No, I didn't make Yorkshire. We were spending our time in London basically, but took the train up. He's a United fan. But what really took me to Manchester was to visit a dear friend from these boards, Minnie.

Old Trafford was great - when they found out how far we had come, we got taken on a private tour, including the field. My nephew was beyond thrilled. He and Minnie hit it off, too. Terrific people, terrific fun.

Rebecca4

You know if you ever want to see a game at Man U, we have season tickets, for three.
Where do you live and whats near to you?
B
x

Reddmax

I think the alcoholic malnutrition is contributing. Thiamin deficiency affects cognitive function. She's not as quick as she used to be, that's obvious.

The problem in down time is that my social group is matched up with my work, which is 75 miles away. The other problem is my hobbies that I can do here involve dangerous weapons, which I have had to move because she's suicidal.

Sometimes you can't win for losing.

Redd

Aquarian

Redd,
I agree with the rest, you are a very nice guy. I wish you the best through all this.

You did what you felt is right and for the right reasons. Kind of like when I had the 'talk' w/ my AH, I had to impress to him it's because of love that I had to address the subject and take charge of my life. I told him, if I kept quiet not only would I go nuts, but I'd be an accomplice to his self-destruction. I wasn't trying to be nobel either, just had enough!!

Bottom line for all of us - there are no guarantees in anything. With her or with any of our loved ones, that's the hard part. Guess that's the 'one day at time' thing.

Take care of yourself!

shellygirl

I'm sorry to add this to the mix and I'm only doing it because I am a professional codependent enabler. I always thought that I was being noble in helping to, saving those that I loved at the cost of my own happiness, but I actually came to realize that maybe I was making the situation worse with my own sickness. God Grant me the courage to change the things that I can....we CANNOT change them no matter how hard we try. We only end up killing ourselves trying.

FormerDoormat

I wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing for Richard, too--good and sure. So I hemmed and hawed over what was right for HIM for 25 years. And during that time NEVER ONCE did it occur to me that in doing that, I was completely ignoring what was the right thing for me.

I never entered into the equation at all. I stopped existing. How sick was that? I'm glad I stopped focusing on what was best for him, getting him help, and being his support system. Because when I did I found me.

And I like what I see.

Silverberry1331

This really resonates with me. I was so concerned with what was right for Don that I lost myself in the process. If anyone follows my thread, I tried everything, so I could leave with a clear conscience. Know what? This morning, I woke up to our first cold snap of the season, and I immediately felt guilty that Don was "out there in the cold."

This is when I have to work my recovery the most...because I must remember to Let Go and Let God. Easier said than done, but I am learning.

Redd...I hope that your wife finds recovery for herself. You already know that it is her choice. Be sure to be gentle with yourself during this time and remember to separate yourself from the situation by detaching with love. Surround yourself with lots of SR now if you can't be with people or go to Al Anon. I personally had a lot of anxiety knowing that Don's choices left me out of the equation. The loss of "control" was unnerving.

(((Hugs)))

Reddmax

I realize that the alcoholic will never get better until they want to. I'm also coming to the conclusion that my strength and desire have nothing to do with this.

I'm also in a quandry now, because the detox went well, and she's starting recovery. She has moments where she's not very nice, but all and all, its a 1000 percent better than it has been. While I'm at the end of my rope, she's a the beginning of hers. Any advice from people that have been in this situation. I know she's at a high risk of relapse, but what happens now?

Redd

ToughChoices

It's a good time to focus on some goals that are independent of the marriage -
fun hobbies
good friends
excellent vacations

You know, the stuff that life is made of.

It's so easy to give all of your time and emotional energy over to the A, but I found that mine didn't want all my "help".
It was better for me to take care of my own business so that he could get down to his.

Best of luck to both of you!
-TC

FormerDoormat

That depends entirely on you.

GiveLove

Well......what would happen for ME now is this (your mileage may vary):

--Keep on focusing on my life, my job, my friends, my hobbies, my dreams
--Keep a prayer in the back of my mind that my loved one will choose recovery, all the while detaching from any particular outcome (as I'm powerless to affect it)
--See my counselor and get it all out - my fears, my hopes
--Write down my boundaries, and be very clear on them: what will be the repercussions if he/she chooses to drink again, even once?
--Keep taking care of myself: good sleep, fresh air, exercise, mental stimulation, eating right, B vitamins, all my usual get-better stuff. You're under a great deal of stress right now, and your body needs your help

That's what happens for me. Write it down, put it on the table, and walk back into my own life.

DII

Amen Shelly! I told my AW we were through and while it's sad....I am excited about being on my own and HAPPY!

sslusser

My grandfather always said that when you are at the end of your rope, hold on with both hands.