My fiancee, the alcoholic
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Originally Posted by Despair 
In a weird way, I feel the less worried now than I did for the past 6 months. I will probably actually sleep tonight. I don't know how to explain it. You'd figure going through something like this would be traumatic but I am suprisingly calm.... might just be shock. I don't know.
Anyways, I will go visit her tomorrow. Hopefully an incident like this can force her into detox and into a program.
please pray for her.
I have heard many many shares over the years where sobriety began with a suicide attempt, and they also talk about having the feeling you describe, where the alcoholic says as they are being wheeled away on a gurney, or in a straight jacket, they also feel such relief because "they have finally come to take me away" and they know it's the end, and now they can get help.
I am praying that this is the case for her, and tonight was "the beginning" of sobriety and only "the end" of a hideous horrible disease that has taken hold of her.
I also worked as a cliff rescue paramedic for around ten years, and I'd have to repel down cliffs and rescue people and get them to the Helicopter, and one thing I noticed is once I got them to the Ambulance or the Helicopter, they "relaxed"...quite often by fainting or "crashing"...but at that point they were "rescued" and it was "out of their hands" and they could "let go" and "relax".
If I were a paramedic on this call, and I was interviewing you, and you told me the feelings you were experiencing, I would say "this is perfectly normal, you have been carrying this incredible burden, now help has arrived, and it's out of your hands"
It's OK to exhale now...help has arrived, you are no longer alone. :ghug
You, and her, are in my prayers tonight.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 59
I just got back from the hospital.
They had left her in a room unattended and she found a scalpel and tried to do the deed again. She has lost alot of blood.
They released her to me despite my objections. I don't get it. Someone tries to commit suicide while on suicide watch at the hospital and they think it's safe to release them??? Not even 48 hours observation? I am furious with the hospital right now.
They basically said that they don't do rehab and the suicide attempt was caused by alcohol consumption. They gave us some numbers to call for help and sent us on our way. They said if it happens again to send her back. wtf???
They were even giving me a hard time about getting valium so we could try to keep her withdrawals under control. Finally they prescribed some valium and she seems to understand that she can no longer drink under any circumstances.
I've taken all the knives and scissors and beer and locked them in the shed. I've taken all her money and have it on me. I've arranged for her mother to stay home from work and spend the day with her tomorrow. Her father the next day.
I'm so confused. We have to do a homestyle suicide watch? How can you let go and let faith take it's course when you are dealing with someones life? I basically have to go against everything alanon says and watch her like a hawk and under constant supervison. This isn't just drinking anymore, it's life or death. How are you supposed to not intervene?
I'm going to wake her up at 7 and force her to go to an 8'oclock meeting tonight. That's what she agreed to at the hospital and to the doctors. I'm going to have to meddle with her privacy and her progress in sobriety again. At least until I feel she is no longer a danger to herself. This is so difficult. I thought I had been making so much progress in letting her do her own thing and concentrating on me.
They had left her in a room unattended and she found a scalpel and tried to do the deed again. She has lost alot of blood.
They released her to me despite my objections. I don't get it. Someone tries to commit suicide while on suicide watch at the hospital and they think it's safe to release them??? Not even 48 hours observation? I am furious with the hospital right now.
They basically said that they don't do rehab and the suicide attempt was caused by alcohol consumption. They gave us some numbers to call for help and sent us on our way. They said if it happens again to send her back. wtf???
They were even giving me a hard time about getting valium so we could try to keep her withdrawals under control. Finally they prescribed some valium and she seems to understand that she can no longer drink under any circumstances.
I've taken all the knives and scissors and beer and locked them in the shed. I've taken all her money and have it on me. I've arranged for her mother to stay home from work and spend the day with her tomorrow. Her father the next day.
I'm so confused. We have to do a homestyle suicide watch? How can you let go and let faith take it's course when you are dealing with someones life? I basically have to go against everything alanon says and watch her like a hawk and under constant supervison. This isn't just drinking anymore, it's life or death. How are you supposed to not intervene?
I'm going to wake her up at 7 and force her to go to an 8'oclock meeting tonight. That's what she agreed to at the hospital and to the doctors. I'm going to have to meddle with her privacy and her progress in sobriety again. At least until I feel she is no longer a danger to herself. This is so difficult. I thought I had been making so much progress in letting her do her own thing and concentrating on me.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 517
I believe that the reason why you felt you could sleep the night she was in the hospital was probably that you got a break from being on alert and you knew she was safe. I know the feeling.
As for your situation now, is there any way she can be admitted to a psychiatric hospital or treatment center? You should not have to be the supervisor on this "home suicide watch." That is just too cruel and too much of a responsibility. I admire your dedication, but I believe she should be around professionals and you need a few more nights of sleep.
I am so sorry about all this and wish you and her all the best!
As for your situation now, is there any way she can be admitted to a psychiatric hospital or treatment center? You should not have to be the supervisor on this "home suicide watch." That is just too cruel and too much of a responsibility. I admire your dedication, but I believe she should be around professionals and you need a few more nights of sleep.
I am so sorry about all this and wish you and her all the best!
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 59
She was released from the phsyciatric ward at the hospital. This is what I don't get. I'm at a loss for what to say. They basically said, she's not nuts, she's an alcoholic. Not our problem. If it wasn't for the booze she wouldn't have tried to kill herself. Get her into treatment.
That's the ****** part about health care in Canada. All departments are overbooked and you can't pay for them to stay. They try to get rid of you as fast as they can so they can move on to the next case.
I will contact her physciatrist tomorrow and see if there's anything we can do. Right now, I'm just praying she doesn't wake up until morning.
That's the ****** part about health care in Canada. All departments are overbooked and you can't pay for them to stay. They try to get rid of you as fast as they can so they can move on to the next case.
I will contact her physciatrist tomorrow and see if there's anything we can do. Right now, I'm just praying she doesn't wake up until morning.
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Well, the valium appears to be working. It's almost as if she had given up on being able to quit on her own so she would give in to temptation really easily. The Valium seems to have almost a placebo effect. Making her think she doesn't have to battle this on her own. Minimizing the withrawals and letting her focus on staying sober.
She hasn't had anything to drink since the suicide attempt on Saturday night. She seems perkier and smiling at least. I gave her a ride to her rehab assessment this morning. Everything seems to have went well. The therapist agreed with her that an inpatient program is going to be best for her. The waiting list is currently about 3 weeks.
She seems determined to beat this now. I attended an AA meeting with her last night. She even got up and requested the speakers phone number. They seemed to have a lot in common and have gone through many similar situations. She felt that she would be a good person to speak to. She realizes that she needs a different sponsor. She needs someone who will give her a kick in the ass and actually give her a fighting chance. Her current sponsor if very lethargic about everything. They never call eachother and it just doesn't seem to be working out. There is a huge generation gap between them... about 50 years difference in age. I am hopeful that she finds someone easier to relate to but at the same time not be her best friend so that they can keep their discussions focused on recovery. I am still undecided if I will attend AA with her tonight or drop her off and go to my alanon meeting. I think I may skip this weeks alanon meeting.
I dropped her off at her parents house and she wants to decorate their house for halloween and surprise them when they come home from work.
This is the first day she's been without supervision since the suicide attempt. I'm a little worried about leaving her alone with no help nearby. I can only hope she calls someone if she starts feeling depressed. She seemed fine and in good spirits when I left and excited that she may get into rehab sooner than predicted.
I am doing quite well. I'm not sure what it is. I've actually been getting some quality sleep in the past few days. I'm more positive and I'm smiling more. I'm still worried and letting things consume my mind but I just don't get angry or spitefull anymore and I think it's done me a lot of good. Especially since I've started talking with her mother daily. It's good to have someone to talk to so I don't have to let all my anger and frustration out on my fiancee who is already having a very difficult time coping with other things.
She hasn't had anything to drink since the suicide attempt on Saturday night. She seems perkier and smiling at least. I gave her a ride to her rehab assessment this morning. Everything seems to have went well. The therapist agreed with her that an inpatient program is going to be best for her. The waiting list is currently about 3 weeks.
She seems determined to beat this now. I attended an AA meeting with her last night. She even got up and requested the speakers phone number. They seemed to have a lot in common and have gone through many similar situations. She felt that she would be a good person to speak to. She realizes that she needs a different sponsor. She needs someone who will give her a kick in the ass and actually give her a fighting chance. Her current sponsor if very lethargic about everything. They never call eachother and it just doesn't seem to be working out. There is a huge generation gap between them... about 50 years difference in age. I am hopeful that she finds someone easier to relate to but at the same time not be her best friend so that they can keep their discussions focused on recovery. I am still undecided if I will attend AA with her tonight or drop her off and go to my alanon meeting. I think I may skip this weeks alanon meeting.
I dropped her off at her parents house and she wants to decorate their house for halloween and surprise them when they come home from work.
This is the first day she's been without supervision since the suicide attempt. I'm a little worried about leaving her alone with no help nearby. I can only hope she calls someone if she starts feeling depressed. She seemed fine and in good spirits when I left and excited that she may get into rehab sooner than predicted.
I am doing quite well. I'm not sure what it is. I've actually been getting some quality sleep in the past few days. I'm more positive and I'm smiling more. I'm still worried and letting things consume my mind but I just don't get angry or spitefull anymore and I think it's done me a lot of good. Especially since I've started talking with her mother daily. It's good to have someone to talk to so I don't have to let all my anger and frustration out on my fiancee who is already having a very difficult time coping with other things.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
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When everything is all right, God says, "GO".
Then miracles happen:
A hopeless alcoholic is set free.
A drug addict finds release.
A doubter becomes a child in his belief.
Diseased tissue responds to treatment, and healing begins.
The door to your dream suddenly swings open
and there stands God saying, "GO!".
Wishing you both all the best in your struggles.
Then miracles happen:
A hopeless alcoholic is set free.
A drug addict finds release.
A doubter becomes a child in his belief.
Diseased tissue responds to treatment, and healing begins.
The door to your dream suddenly swings open
and there stands God saying, "GO!".
Wishing you both all the best in your struggles.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Long Island, New York
Posts: 113
Jumping in here! I'm very surprised they didn't transfer her to a psyc hospital or department. My AXSO was taken to emergency psych 2 times because he said he was going to kill himself. The first time I didn't know any better and took him home. The second time I made sure I spoke to the doctor and told him that my X was going to kill himself if he is sent home and I will not take that responsibility. They ended up keeping him for 3 weeks.
Unfortunately (or fortunately maybe) I no longer speak to him because the roller coaster didn't stop and he just doesn't seem to want to stop drinking. But I can stop the drama and insanity by not being involved any longer. I am very sad for him and wish him well but it's not my problem. Harsh but I need to live a peaceful life with my family.
Good luck!
Doreen
Unfortunately (or fortunately maybe) I no longer speak to him because the roller coaster didn't stop and he just doesn't seem to want to stop drinking. But I can stop the drama and insanity by not being involved any longer. I am very sad for him and wish him well but it's not my problem. Harsh but I need to live a peaceful life with my family.
Good luck!
Doreen
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 59
She had been doing really well. She'd been sober all week.
Today is halloween. She carved pumkins and went to her parents house to decorate for halloween.
She found a hidden stash of change and bought herself a mickey. Her father caught her. She got in a huge fight with her parents and she left to go to a party.
The problem is, she's on a heavy dose of Valium. If she drinks too much she could die. We tried everything we could to reason with her. Her parents were lecturing her and she said she didn't want to be lectured. I offered to bring her home and she could drink at home and I wouldn't speak about it and let her do her thing.... she left anyways.
I'm not sure how to cope with this. Something terrible is going to happen to her tonight. I just know it.
I called the friends she was going to see and explained the situation. They said they'd keep an eye on her. I don't know where she'll be tonight, I don't know where she'll sleep. I hope she doesn't sleep with some random guys. I refuse to follow her to the party. I can't do this anymore. She's completely out of control. You would think that drinking to the point of commiting suicide and not remembering would be your bottom. Any lower and you're dead.
I'm at a loss for what to think. I just hope her friends will make sure she's ok. This is excruciating.
Today is halloween. She carved pumkins and went to her parents house to decorate for halloween.
She found a hidden stash of change and bought herself a mickey. Her father caught her. She got in a huge fight with her parents and she left to go to a party.
The problem is, she's on a heavy dose of Valium. If she drinks too much she could die. We tried everything we could to reason with her. Her parents were lecturing her and she said she didn't want to be lectured. I offered to bring her home and she could drink at home and I wouldn't speak about it and let her do her thing.... she left anyways.
I'm not sure how to cope with this. Something terrible is going to happen to her tonight. I just know it.
I called the friends she was going to see and explained the situation. They said they'd keep an eye on her. I don't know where she'll be tonight, I don't know where she'll sleep. I hope she doesn't sleep with some random guys. I refuse to follow her to the party. I can't do this anymore. She's completely out of control. You would think that drinking to the point of commiting suicide and not remembering would be your bottom. Any lower and you're dead.
I'm at a loss for what to think. I just hope her friends will make sure she's ok. This is excruciating.
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