blessed4x

AH's plan to prove he is not and alcoholic because he can limit drinking to weekends began to crumble yesterday (after 4 weeks). He threw out his back yesterday and I came home to an empty 18 pack in the fridge and slamming doors and mumbling/grumbling. Of course it's my fault because I'm not "trying" (as in putting out) enough and he's in excruciating pain and excuse, excuse, excuse.

I am trying to stay detached, do what I need to do for me and the kids, not get sucked into the vortex. I feel like I start to make progress and then I fall right back into my old patterns of thinking and doing.

Freedom1990

Quack, quack, quack. They never do quit quacking, do they?

I know there are times I take many steps backwards myself, and I can choose to start my day all over again!

I try really hard today to not pick up the blame that isn't mine.

:ghug

ToughChoices

It was SO hard for me to maintain a healthy detachment when I was living with my A. I'd read here, go to my AlAnon meetings, see my counselor, and I'd think, "I'm really starting to get a handle on this!"

Then he'd stumble into the house at 3am (after telling me he'd be home in time for dinner), and all my recovery would fly out the window!

He knew the recipe for "Wife a la Raging Lunatic".

But, the next day the haze of crazy would clear away, and I'd get back into my healthy routines. Eventually those little steps forward actually got me somewhere - in spite of my backsliding.

It sounds to me like you are doing really well. Clear-minded about your own business and recognizing the negative patterns of the past. Good for you!

Cheers to your new future! You're getting there one step at a time!

-TC

blessed4x

LOL! That was definately on the menu last night! I think tonight I'll grab the kids, head for a cheap all-you-can-eat pizza place and stop by the Red Box for a movie on the way home. Who knows, I might even rent one that doesn't include animation for myself to sit up late and watch.

denny57

It looks like the only person who "stepped back" is him.

You're doing great!

Pajarito

I do this as well, and feel it's normal. It's going to take time to undo years of learned behavior. Everything you're doing sounds like healthy choices for learning and moving down a healthier path. I had a huge emotional setback this week, but an hour later did something for myself that was very strong. It's all about trying to be patient with myself and realize I am human. At least I am more aware and learn from those setbacks. It sounds like you are doing great! I like the pizza and redbox idea too. YOU get to decide what's on the menu! ;o)

cem001

Oh, if I had a penny for everytime I heard that. I agree QUACK! That's all he's doing. Putting the blame off on you, when in reality it's his fault.

justaboutus

Sounds GREAT!! I don't think it was a step back, I think you just stumbled. Dust yourself off and pretend like it never happened.

blessed4x

Thanks for the support! In general I'm an impatient person. I read ahead in books and don't mind hearing how the movie ends before I go. I've always had this VERY strong gift of prophesy (lots of people have said I am psychic)....now I just feel more like I am psycho, LOL! It's a kind of off balance feeling.

I think the further I have gotten in my codependency, the more I have lost touch with that intuitive side of myself. Possibly I just need to sit, calm, and listen.