They know its me that turned AH in for DUI!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
They know its me that turned AH in for DUI!
Or I think he does.....
I just got a call from the DA's office. They basically told me that they knew it was me that turned AH in for the DUI and wanted me to meet with them regarding his case. I panicked.
Evidently AHs attorney has known it was me all along. Whether AH knows this information or not I have no idea. If he knows its me he is playing the biggest acting game and doing well.I started to cry on the phone. I was afraid to say anything as I knew every word was going to be used for the prosecutions case. He is going to call me back later today after he thinks about it and let me know if I have to meet with him or not. I voiced my concerns about how this would affect me and baby. I want to cooperate, but am really scared of retaliation.
I am panicked and so scared. I could probably really bury him if I tell all of his patterns and background. The investigator asked me what I would like to see happen to AH. I don't know if my opinion matters or not.
OMG I am freaking out!
I just got a call from the DA's office. They basically told me that they knew it was me that turned AH in for the DUI and wanted me to meet with them regarding his case. I panicked.
Evidently AHs attorney has known it was me all along. Whether AH knows this information or not I have no idea. If he knows its me he is playing the biggest acting game and doing well.I started to cry on the phone. I was afraid to say anything as I knew every word was going to be used for the prosecutions case. He is going to call me back later today after he thinks about it and let me know if I have to meet with him or not. I voiced my concerns about how this would affect me and baby. I want to cooperate, but am really scared of retaliation.
I am panicked and so scared. I could probably really bury him if I tell all of his patterns and background. The investigator asked me what I would like to see happen to AH. I don't know if my opinion matters or not.
OMG I am freaking out!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
I want AH to get some help. He no longer lives here because of the drinking and infidelities but I know he still is drinking. He is trying to hide it, but he is.
I am not sure if I should be open and honest and run my mouth about everything I know regarding the drinking or just stay as quiet as I can.
I wonder why AH hasn't said anything to me about this or if his attorney even told him?
I am not sure if I should be open and honest and run my mouth about everything I know regarding the drinking or just stay as quiet as I can.
I wonder why AH hasn't said anything to me about this or if his attorney even told him?
Bonnie
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 20
What an awful feeling. I know, for myself, if my abf drinks and drives, I will call the police. I could never live with myself if he kills someone while drinking.
For reporting him, I applaud you. Now it is time for the fallout.
What do you want to do? It is a very hard choice.
For reporting him, I applaud you. Now it is time for the fallout.
What do you want to do? It is a very hard choice.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
First of all, take some deep breaths. Get back into the moment that is right in front of you.
Honesty has never ever hurt me. Has it made some people angry? Absolutely, but that's their problem, not mine.
Alcoholism is a disease shrouded in secrecy, in shame.
I don't know what decision you can live with, but personally I couldn't live with keeping it secret and staying quiet. You say he's trying to hide it. What would you be doing by staying quiet?
You said the DA knew. How do you know his attorney knows?
Honesty has never ever hurt me. Has it made some people angry? Absolutely, but that's their problem, not mine.
Alcoholism is a disease shrouded in secrecy, in shame.
I don't know what decision you can live with, but personally I couldn't live with keeping it secret and staying quiet. You say he's trying to hide it. What would you be doing by staying quiet?
You said the DA knew. How do you know his attorney knows?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
The DA investigator told me that AHs attorney has had the information for months now. In fact, she made a comment that she recognized my voice. We live in a fairly small town and I have known her casually from our older kids sports. I find it really hard to believe that if AH knew it was me he would be able to keep his mouth shut.
Could this be why AH didn't fight me when I went after sole custody and supervised visits for our daughter last month?
Could this be why AH didn't fight me when I went after sole custody and supervised visits for our daughter last month?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Whether you turned him in or not (I did the same for my brother) he was the one who had the choice of drinking and driving or not drinking, or not driving. I'm not familliar with US laws, why do they need to meet with you? As far as I was concerend I reported he'd be driving and I was 99% sure he'd be drunk, he was and paid the price, if he'd been sober there would have been no problem for him. As it is now he's banned from driving until next July, he won't kill anyone at least till then, not even himself hopefully.
I know what you did took lots of nerve and guts, stand by it, it was the right thing to do. He had a choice not to drive when he was drunk.
I know what you did took lots of nerve and guts, stand by it, it was the right thing to do. He had a choice not to drive when he was drunk.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Who knows why your AH does what he does; he's an alcoholic, remember?
Let's focus on you and your needs and the needs of your child.
What is in the best interest of you and your child? What decision can you live with?
Let's focus on you and your needs and the needs of your child.
What is in the best interest of you and your child? What decision can you live with?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Thank you all! My hands are shaking so bad with anxiety.
You are right. I know deep down I did the right thing. I don't think he has stopped drinking (almost positive), but I do think he has stopped drinking and driving. I remember thinking that night when I dialed 911 that someday he was going to drive with baby (3 months at the time, now 7 months) and I would not be able to stop him. He drank and drove with his older kids all the time and his ex knew it and never did a thing about it. I also thought that night about my 2 teenage drivers (from my first marriage) out there on the same road as him. Yes, I was angry with him for constantly putting himself and everyone at risk time and time again, but I was more fearful of what would happen.
You are right. I know deep down I did the right thing. I don't think he has stopped drinking (almost positive), but I do think he has stopped drinking and driving. I remember thinking that night when I dialed 911 that someday he was going to drive with baby (3 months at the time, now 7 months) and I would not be able to stop him. He drank and drove with his older kids all the time and his ex knew it and never did a thing about it. I also thought that night about my 2 teenage drivers (from my first marriage) out there on the same road as him. Yes, I was angry with him for constantly putting himself and everyone at risk time and time again, but I was more fearful of what would happen.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Seriously, do the deep breathing technique several times today if you have to. I know what it's like to go into sheer panic mode. Our thoughts race to the 'what ifs', projecting into the future, and that does nothing but add to our anxiety.
You are going to be okay! I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will! :ghug2
God didn't bring you this far to drop you, my dear!
You are going to be okay! I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will! :ghug2
God didn't bring you this far to drop you, my dear!
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
(((Startingover))) Your AH is no longer living w/you, right? You did absolutely the right thing in calling the police. What is the worst thing that can happen if he found out it was you? Yell, shift blame somehow, be mad, try and fight you in court for your kids, what? If he yells, so what. If he's mad, so what. If he shifts the blame somehow to you, so what. You know it's not so. You know it was his choice to drink and drive, not yours. And if he hadn't been drinking and driving when you reported him, he wouldn't have gotten arrested and you would have been charged w/filing a false report. So who created this? Him, not you! You did what you needed to do to protect countless other people on the same road he drives on. If you're afraid of him fighting you in court on anything to do with the kids, how could he, an alcoholic who was arrested for DWI? It just wouldn't hold water.
Alcoholics, as you know, are so famous for the manipulation tactics. We second guess everything we do, then we're like "oh, if they find out ..." or worry how they'll react to things. You acted, he'll react. So what. It's his problem to deal with, just keep repeating to yourself that nothing he says or does to you matters, this was a man who lied to you, cheated on you and continued to drink. Why should anything he say matter? Hold your head high and don't let him get to you. Stay strong, you did the right thing.
Alcoholics, as you know, are so famous for the manipulation tactics. We second guess everything we do, then we're like "oh, if they find out ..." or worry how they'll react to things. You acted, he'll react. So what. It's his problem to deal with, just keep repeating to yourself that nothing he says or does to you matters, this was a man who lied to you, cheated on you and continued to drink. Why should anything he say matter? Hold your head high and don't let him get to you. Stay strong, you did the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
"Alcoholics, as you know, are so famous for the manipulation tactics. We second guess everything we do, then we're like "oh, if they find out ..." or worry how they'll react to things. You acted, he'll react. So what.
It's his problem to deal with, just keep repeating to yourself that nothing he says or does to you matters, this was a man who lied to you, cheated on you and continued to drink.
Why should anything he says matter?
Hold your head high and don't let him get to you. Stay strong, you did the right thing."
Agree completely with this post from queenteree. Do your breathing, stay calm because you have not HURT him, just kept him from hurting or killing someone else using the road.
Well done. Pity more didn't do the same thing to keep selfish idiots off the road.
It's his problem to deal with, just keep repeating to yourself that nothing he says or does to you matters, this was a man who lied to you, cheated on you and continued to drink.
Why should anything he says matter?
Hold your head high and don't let him get to you. Stay strong, you did the right thing."
Agree completely with this post from queenteree. Do your breathing, stay calm because you have not HURT him, just kept him from hurting or killing someone else using the road.
Well done. Pity more didn't do the same thing to keep selfish idiots off the road.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hey SO2 --
I don't think you need to run your mouth or anything.
Why not just be brave and strong and stand by your action.
It is as simple as:
I knew a person was driving under the influence. I know that this is both illegal and also dangerous and potentially fatal for some innocent person. Therefore I did my civic duty and reported the information to 911.
End of story.
You don't need to "bury" him or air any dirty laundry.
Just the facts.
Especially in court situations don't offer anything more than what is asked. Any "extras" you offer could be used by the defense to try and mitigate the charges - you just never know.
YOU DID A GOOD THING!
I am keeping you in my prayers and sending you a shot of courage - I know your stomach must be flip-flopping...just hang in there!!
Peace-
B.
I don't think you need to run your mouth or anything.
Why not just be brave and strong and stand by your action.
It is as simple as:
I knew a person was driving under the influence. I know that this is both illegal and also dangerous and potentially fatal for some innocent person. Therefore I did my civic duty and reported the information to 911.
End of story.
You don't need to "bury" him or air any dirty laundry.
Just the facts.
Especially in court situations don't offer anything more than what is asked. Any "extras" you offer could be used by the defense to try and mitigate the charges - you just never know.
YOU DID A GOOD THING!
I am keeping you in my prayers and sending you a shot of courage - I know your stomach must be flip-flopping...just hang in there!!
Peace-
B.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Thank you all. Yes its flopping bad.
The DA called me back and they want to meet with me tomorrow. I did explain the sensitive nature of my situation. He understood, but I know he also wants to win the case. I am going to answer their questions tomorrow and they will then determine whether or not they can proceed without my testimony. I sure hope so.
He asked me again what I would like to see happen beings that I know him well. I said I didn't think he needed jail, but I really want him to get help for his addiction. He also mentioned he heard in the 911 tapes that you can hear me tell them I wanted to remain anonymous.
I feel sick to my stomach and am nervous about tomorrow.
The DA called me back and they want to meet with me tomorrow. I did explain the sensitive nature of my situation. He understood, but I know he also wants to win the case. I am going to answer their questions tomorrow and they will then determine whether or not they can proceed without my testimony. I sure hope so.
He asked me again what I would like to see happen beings that I know him well. I said I didn't think he needed jail, but I really want him to get help for his addiction. He also mentioned he heard in the 911 tapes that you can hear me tell them I wanted to remain anonymous.
I feel sick to my stomach and am nervous about tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 72
I guess I'm not understanding why you even have to be involved in the case at this point. You anomously reported a person driving under the influence. That person was pulled over, field tested, and failed (I would assume). I would think that from the point he was pulled over is all they need to know to prosecute him. Why does it matter who reported it and what they have to say? Sounds really unnecessary for you to even be involved at this point.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Originally Posted by CrushedbyCrack 
I guess I'm not understanding why you even have to be involved in the case at this point. You anomously reported a person driving under the influence. That person was pulled over, field tested, and failed (I would assume). I would think that from the point he was pulled over is all they need to know to prosecute him. Why does it matter who reported it and what they have to say? Sounds really unnecessary for you to even be involved at this point.
Probably the defense is trying to get it admitted that SO2 was the caller - it may allow them some little advantage -- who knows - a good defense lawyer will root out every possible advantage - that's their job , and once the defense brings something up the prosecution has to be prepared to handle it in a way that still will get them the conviction they want - and so it goes.
Good Luck today SO2-- stay strong!!!
Peace-
B.
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
I have to agree by crushed. They can look at this a few ways. You are a scorn mother who is trying to sabatoge the father of her child. Or you really care. I don't know if you really care because you stated infedelity.
If you have a child it's time to put away these childish games. If he drinks and drives then that is his problem and not yours. If the car is not in your name then you need to back away. IF he gets to drive with your child then yes you need to fess up and say it was you and you are very concerned. Don't do any of this to "teach him a lesson" that's NOT your place.
If you have a child it's time to put away these childish games. If he drinks and drives then that is his problem and not yours. If the car is not in your name then you need to back away. IF he gets to drive with your child then yes you need to fess up and say it was you and you are very concerned. Don't do any of this to "teach him a lesson" that's NOT your place.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
The reason the prosecution needs me at this point is there is some discrepancy on the 'reason's why AH was pulled over. He wasn't actually pulled over. He was stopped in a restaraunt parking lot and sitting in his truck when the officers walked up to him. So it wasn't someone observing him driving recklessly..it was a caller (me) knowing he was drinking and driving. The defense is challenging the "probable cause" and going for a wet reckless which would be nothing for AH.
From what I understand the defense doesn't want me to testify as I knew he was drinking that night when he was home, I watched him drive away, etc. I know his alcohol background.
No, I am not a scored mother. I was sick and tired of AH driving this way. Mulitple times a week. It was only a matter of time before he killed someone and maybe our child. Yelling and screaming like everyone else in his life did was not working.
From what I understand the defense doesn't want me to testify as I knew he was drinking that night when he was home, I watched him drive away, etc. I know his alcohol background.
No, I am not a scored mother. I was sick and tired of AH driving this way. Mulitple times a week. It was only a matter of time before he killed someone and maybe our child. Yelling and screaming like everyone else in his life did was not working.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
I just got back. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. He just asked me exactly what happened that night and day with AH's drinking etc. I was honest. He asked me his patterns of drinking and once again I was honest. He did say they will use this as a last resort if it goes to court. Hopefully not.
I am ok. I was feeling so guilty on the way up there today. Guess its the codie coming out wanting to protect AH.
The DA also said he would recommend a rehab program for AH rather than just the 'class' they normally make you go to for a DUI. I did say I didn't want to see him go to jail, just get help and be a great father.
I am ok. I was feeling so guilty on the way up there today. Guess its the codie coming out wanting to protect AH.
The DA also said he would recommend a rehab program for AH rather than just the 'class' they normally make you go to for a DUI. I did say I didn't want to see him go to jail, just get help and be a great father.
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