How long does the hurt last?
Formerly known as soconfused11
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
How long does the hurt last?
SR Friends,
I am trying so hard to do everything that I'm supposed to be doing. Al-Anon meeting, reading recovery stuff, staying busy, focusing on my son (as much as possible).
I am still so very hurt, I am sitting here at work and keep having to get up to go to the bathroom because I can't hold back the tears. I miss him so much. I had to talk to him this morning (about the rabbits), and he acts so cocky like he doesn't even care at all. That HURTS. I mean, I understand that I can't control his actions, I really do. He is not going to act how I want him to act. But how can he just be so over this already??? And he had to throw a stupid comment in about "having plans this next weekend". I'm sure he'll be out having a good time, drinking, life will seem so perfect to him. And I'll be home, crying, grieving.
I mean, can someone tell me, do they really not hurt and miss us like we do them????
I am trying so hard to do everything that I'm supposed to be doing. Al-Anon meeting, reading recovery stuff, staying busy, focusing on my son (as much as possible).
I am still so very hurt, I am sitting here at work and keep having to get up to go to the bathroom because I can't hold back the tears. I miss him so much. I had to talk to him this morning (about the rabbits), and he acts so cocky like he doesn't even care at all. That HURTS. I mean, I understand that I can't control his actions, I really do. He is not going to act how I want him to act. But how can he just be so over this already??? And he had to throw a stupid comment in about "having plans this next weekend". I'm sure he'll be out having a good time, drinking, life will seem so perfect to him. And I'll be home, crying, grieving.
I mean, can someone tell me, do they really not hurt and miss us like we do them????
Ph.D in insanity!!
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 698
Honestly? I don't think they do care at first. When the disease does get critical then they start to care. They become remorseful but that seems like a long way for him. In the beginning of my ah's disease he acted the same way. I had to go through all the same stage of grieving like you are......anger, sadness, lonely, bardering,denial, clarity, acceptance. That last one was hard! That's where I am today but I still question how idiotic his behavior is, I'm human.
I held on to the dream of having a family unit for so long that I was being taken down emotionally. I had to realize that me and my children ARE a family unit. I started to live for me by going to church, taking the kids places. If he didn't care then why should I. Once he realized I was moving on that ticked him off and then he tried coming back but by then I had an epiphany and I knew I no longer needed him. He was toxic to me and my children. I spent many many years trying to convince HIM of wanting us. Insanity at it's finest.
I've grown as a mother and a woman and he is still the same alcoholic that he was eight years ago. I moved my life forward and so can you, for your child.
You hurt because you care, eventually you will get thick skin and that's ok too. Keep living as if your A was already dead and you'll find you are just fine without him. You are too good to lower yourself to a begging, pleading, crying mother. Stand tall and be proud you love yourself enough to tough this out. Hang in there.
I held on to the dream of having a family unit for so long that I was being taken down emotionally. I had to realize that me and my children ARE a family unit. I started to live for me by going to church, taking the kids places. If he didn't care then why should I. Once he realized I was moving on that ticked him off and then he tried coming back but by then I had an epiphany and I knew I no longer needed him. He was toxic to me and my children. I spent many many years trying to convince HIM of wanting us. Insanity at it's finest.
I've grown as a mother and a woman and he is still the same alcoholic that he was eight years ago. I moved my life forward and so can you, for your child.
You hurt because you care, eventually you will get thick skin and that's ok too. Keep living as if your A was already dead and you'll find you are just fine without him. You are too good to lower yourself to a begging, pleading, crying mother. Stand tall and be proud you love yourself enough to tough this out. Hang in there.
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,697
Originally Posted by Soconfused11 
I mean, can someone tell me, do they really not hurt and miss us like we do them????
Alcohol and drugs are very effective at numbing that pain temporarily - when the emotional anesthetic wears off, the pain returns.
It's possible that thinking about his easy access to alcohol actually does make him feel happy. But that, in my opinion, is a sign of his mental illness, not his overall success and emotional well-being.
Cry it out, sweetie.
Feel it.
Excuse yourself and run for the restroom.
Doesn't it seem healthy to mourn when there is a great loss?
You are being healthy.
-TC
Formerly known as soconfused11
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
Cry it out, sweetie.
Feel it.
Excuse yourself and run for the restroom.
Feel it.
Excuse yourself and run for the restroom.
I just am sick of feeling like this, I just wish I could curl up and sleep all day so I don't have to think of this stuff, of HIM, of how much I miss him.
I think where I question my feelings is when I talk to him. I was so upset that I couldn't put on a show that I am fine, that I was crying, but dammit I am sad, and why should I hide it from him? Because he's a frickin alcoholic and he uses that to gain more power.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
There is no magic number to when this will pass. If you're anything like me, my biggest stumbling block is I would never allow myself to get past the pain, but eventually give in again and right back to square one because I wasn't willing to finish walking through those painful feelings.
I just finished up a chapter in Human Relations on stress, and there was a section on irrational thinking, and I thought of you. It was talking about the irrational thoughts we tell ourselves, like 'I'll never find someone to love me', or 'He must be having fun', or 'I should have done this/that', etc.
That was exactly the way I thought all throughout my last marriage. That kept me stuck in hell for 5 very looooooooong years.
I just finished up a chapter in Human Relations on stress, and there was a section on irrational thinking, and I thought of you. It was talking about the irrational thoughts we tell ourselves, like 'I'll never find someone to love me', or 'He must be having fun', or 'I should have done this/that', etc.
That was exactly the way I thought all throughout my last marriage. That kept me stuck in hell for 5 very looooooooong years.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 38
Wow!!!!
My heart is hurting for you and wish I could wave a magic wand and say its all better, but as a former drunk I can assure you that there is no such wand. My mom was in the same position you are in and she was part of my salvation...my wife was the reason I finally quit, but my mom played tough love....she wouldn't talk to me if I was drunk, she wouldn't answer my calls and wouldn't let me in her house when I wasn't sober. She called the police when I was out of control and basically openly condemned what I was doing...I was mad at her when I was drunk, but the police took care of me so she didn't have to. I can say now over 10 yrs later I love my mom very much and am greatful for her being so strong.....you can't change your son, but you can help in by being tough against the alcohol.
He will have to fall on his own before he gets help, because the last thing an addict wants to hear is someone telling them they have a problem with something that takes away pain, relaxes, and is an escape from reality. drugs and alcohol are strong and hard to fight and the pressure from people saying to quit will in many cases push you to the drugs more.
I had legitimate pain and was mad when I was accused of drug seeking when I went to the Energency Room in excruciating pain and had family and friends that kept saying I should look at other pain treatments, which I did, but they didn't work. The frustration made the head pain worse and pushed me into the pain pills more.
Stay strong and be firm.....if/when he realises the alcohol is not his friend he will look to the one that cared the most.....you....especially if he thinks his relationship with you is at risk.
Good Luck and big hugs for you,
Chuck
My heart is hurting for you and wish I could wave a magic wand and say its all better, but as a former drunk I can assure you that there is no such wand. My mom was in the same position you are in and she was part of my salvation...my wife was the reason I finally quit, but my mom played tough love....she wouldn't talk to me if I was drunk, she wouldn't answer my calls and wouldn't let me in her house when I wasn't sober. She called the police when I was out of control and basically openly condemned what I was doing...I was mad at her when I was drunk, but the police took care of me so she didn't have to. I can say now over 10 yrs later I love my mom very much and am greatful for her being so strong.....you can't change your son, but you can help in by being tough against the alcohol.
He will have to fall on his own before he gets help, because the last thing an addict wants to hear is someone telling them they have a problem with something that takes away pain, relaxes, and is an escape from reality. drugs and alcohol are strong and hard to fight and the pressure from people saying to quit will in many cases push you to the drugs more.
I had legitimate pain and was mad when I was accused of drug seeking when I went to the Energency Room in excruciating pain and had family and friends that kept saying I should look at other pain treatments, which I did, but they didn't work. The frustration made the head pain worse and pushed me into the pain pills more.
Stay strong and be firm.....if/when he realises the alcohol is not his friend he will look to the one that cared the most.....you....especially if he thinks his relationship with you is at risk.
Good Luck and big hugs for you,
Chuck
Formerly known as soconfused11
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
If you're anything like me, my biggest stumbling block is I would never allow myself to get past the pain, but eventually give in again and right back to square one because I wasn't willing to finish walking through those painful feelings.
I just finished up a chapter in Human Relations on stress, and there was a section on irrational thinking, and I thought of you. It was talking about the irrational thoughts we tell ourselves, like 'I'll never find someone to love me', or 'He must be having fun', or 'I should have done this/that', etc.
That was exactly the way I thought all throughout my last marriage. That kept me stuck in hell for 5 very looooooooong years.
Formerly known as soconfused11
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
Chuck,
Thank you so much for your input, especiallly since you are a recovering alcholic, and can speak from pure experience.
Well he is my bf, I sure wish he had a mom like yours. Chris has a wonderful enabling system set up where is family is concerned. His mom...she gives him money for beer, buys him beer. When he was in the probation center and coming home on the weekends, she would bring beer over to him (sneak it, she thought) in a cooler underneath a big steak.
I used to be like her. Heck, I bought him beer in the last few weeks. I wish they would discover Al-Anon. If only....
His uncle is an alcoholic, and him and Chris spend a great deal of time together (that is when he's not living with me).
His brother and sister in law.....they are not alcoholics, but they drink, and accept Chris for who he is. His older sister, well she doesn't live there, but she's always told Chris (and me for that matter), you knew Chris drank when you met him...which is true. But I had no IDEA at all about the disease of alcholism.
Right now, he is surrounded by people who have no problem at all expressing how they feel about me, and how everything is my fault and I should just accept Chris the way he is. In fact, I can be sure that his mom packs his lunch for him every day, letting him stay there for free, treating him like her precious little boy that has been so mistreated.
Thank you so much for your input, especiallly since you are a recovering alcholic, and can speak from pure experience.
Well he is my bf, I sure wish he had a mom like yours. Chris has a wonderful enabling system set up where is family is concerned. His mom...she gives him money for beer, buys him beer. When he was in the probation center and coming home on the weekends, she would bring beer over to him (sneak it, she thought) in a cooler underneath a big steak.
I used to be like her. Heck, I bought him beer in the last few weeks. I wish they would discover Al-Anon. If only....
His uncle is an alcoholic, and him and Chris spend a great deal of time together (that is when he's not living with me).
His brother and sister in law.....they are not alcoholics, but they drink, and accept Chris for who he is. His older sister, well she doesn't live there, but she's always told Chris (and me for that matter), you knew Chris drank when you met him...which is true. But I had no IDEA at all about the disease of alcholism.
Right now, he is surrounded by people who have no problem at all expressing how they feel about me, and how everything is my fault and I should just accept Chris the way he is. In fact, I can be sure that his mom packs his lunch for him every day, letting him stay there for free, treating him like her precious little boy that has been so mistreated.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
i feel your pain, i think most of the people on here do
my xah could care less right now, he dont ask about me or the baby, nothing, all he wants to talk about is drinking and bars and other nonsense
i choose to believe that sooner or later hes going to feel the pain of what hes done, but by that time ill be completely over it, its like the keith urban song "you'll think of me" it really sums up how i feel
right now it doesnt seem fair that you have to hurt and grieve while hes fine and dandy, but one day you'll look back and see how far you've come, 7 months ago i never thought i would be able to calmly sit here and discuss my X, ive come a long way, yet i still have a long way to go
hang in there
my xah could care less right now, he dont ask about me or the baby, nothing, all he wants to talk about is drinking and bars and other nonsense
i choose to believe that sooner or later hes going to feel the pain of what hes done, but by that time ill be completely over it, its like the keith urban song "you'll think of me" it really sums up how i feel
right now it doesnt seem fair that you have to hurt and grieve while hes fine and dandy, but one day you'll look back and see how far you've come, 7 months ago i never thought i would be able to calmly sit here and discuss my X, ive come a long way, yet i still have a long way to go
hang in there
Trying to find a path
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Northern Indiana
Posts: 91
I am where you are right now too. Only it is my wife. My son and I moved into a spare room of a friends house and have been there for the last month. I find it hard to believe after being married for 12 years that she can just turn her back on us.
To try to answer your question about whether or not they hurt, I think the answer is yes. They hurt but don't know how to deal with it. They fall back on the one thing that they know gives comfort. It sure seems as though they are having fun but I don't think so. It is like a teenager stealing a joyride in a car. The alcohol is the teenager and the alcoholic is the car. The teenager is only interested in the ride. The teenager couldn't care less about the car or the worries of the owner (you!)
To try to answer your question about whether or not they hurt, I think the answer is yes. They hurt but don't know how to deal with it. They fall back on the one thing that they know gives comfort. It sure seems as though they are having fun but I don't think so. It is like a teenager stealing a joyride in a car. The alcohol is the teenager and the alcoholic is the car. The teenager is only interested in the ride. The teenager couldn't care less about the car or the worries of the owner (you!)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
he pain begins to stop when you let go and accept it’s over.
Do you want a boyfriend or do you want to babysit a little boy?
I know it hurts, you’ve lost your bf along with all your dreams you had for a happy future.
When you stop obsessing over him, when he no longer is your every waking though, peace will come and that hurt will subside.
Standing in the way of feeling that pain by doing what ever to make it stop doesn’t work it only brings more pain and delayed hurt.
When we grieve an ending we go through many emotions, overwhelming sadness, anger, disbelief, bargaining (this is where we always go back) We need to allow ourselves to feel this feelings in a healthy way instead of attempting to avoid them. No one wants to hurt or feel such deep pain that makes us physically sick, but pain in something we need to go through, learn from and accept this part of life even when we really don’t want to.
Do you want a boyfriend or do you want to babysit a little boy?
I know it hurts, you’ve lost your bf along with all your dreams you had for a happy future.
When you stop obsessing over him, when he no longer is your every waking though, peace will come and that hurt will subside.
Standing in the way of feeling that pain by doing what ever to make it stop doesn’t work it only brings more pain and delayed hurt.
When we grieve an ending we go through many emotions, overwhelming sadness, anger, disbelief, bargaining (this is where we always go back) We need to allow ourselves to feel this feelings in a healthy way instead of attempting to avoid them. No one wants to hurt or feel such deep pain that makes us physically sick, but pain in something we need to go through, learn from and accept this part of life even when we really don’t want to.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
(((soconfused))) This is so timely for me. I've been separated from STBXAH for over a year- and still go through intense sadness- so I wish I had better news. There's no time limit to grieving. But, I can say that I have more good moments than bad. Initially it was so bad that it was all I thought about.
The more I deal with STBXAH's bad behavior and ludicrous comments, the more I realize I am better off without him. I talked to a friend about it today and had to acknowledge that I am letting STBXAH get to me- I'm giving him power over me when I react in fear over some of the things he does. It's the same when I am sad- the why me, doesn't he love me, how could he do this to me and our dd kind of thinking. He's screwed up- and the evidence is in the things he says and does. And like a lot of us, mine seems to have no feelings, no remorse, no concern- nothing. He's moved on- he's dating, very little responsibilities, and it seems from the outside like he's living a pretty good life. But I have to believe that the path I'm on is painful- yes, but will lead to a greater good for me and dd.
STBXAH has to live with himself- I don't. Everywhere he goes, there he is. He can run all he wants, and all the sex, drinking, food, money or whatever he tries to use to feel better is not going to work. Like some of us have said- it's an inside job. And that's a painful job- to have to really feel and get to the bottom of why we're here. But you know, I would so much rather feel and know I loved with all my self. My love was real, and my grieving is real. I can feel- thank God! All feelings come and go, and one day I know I will look back and realize how far I've come. I hope for that for all of us who are mourning such huge losses. Take care and know you are not alone.
The more I deal with STBXAH's bad behavior and ludicrous comments, the more I realize I am better off without him. I talked to a friend about it today and had to acknowledge that I am letting STBXAH get to me- I'm giving him power over me when I react in fear over some of the things he does. It's the same when I am sad- the why me, doesn't he love me, how could he do this to me and our dd kind of thinking. He's screwed up- and the evidence is in the things he says and does. And like a lot of us, mine seems to have no feelings, no remorse, no concern- nothing. He's moved on- he's dating, very little responsibilities, and it seems from the outside like he's living a pretty good life. But I have to believe that the path I'm on is painful- yes, but will lead to a greater good for me and dd.
STBXAH has to live with himself- I don't. Everywhere he goes, there he is. He can run all he wants, and all the sex, drinking, food, money or whatever he tries to use to feel better is not going to work. Like some of us have said- it's an inside job. And that's a painful job- to have to really feel and get to the bottom of why we're here. But you know, I would so much rather feel and know I loved with all my self. My love was real, and my grieving is real. I can feel- thank God! All feelings come and go, and one day I know I will look back and realize how far I've come. I hope for that for all of us who are mourning such huge losses. Take care and know you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
All active alcoholics have an enabling system set up. They have to in order to drink and survive.
Is it frustrating that Chris has all those enablers? Certainly. However, your peace of mind and happiness is NOT contingent on those circumstances, despite the thoughts you are having.
I have come to accept that my parents have been enablers for over 30 years now and that isn't going to change one iota.
I've learned to let go of all the things they have done for my oldest AD and now my youngest AD.
All I can change is me and my attitudes.
Is it frustrating that Chris has all those enablers? Certainly. However, your peace of mind and happiness is NOT contingent on those circumstances, despite the thoughts you are having.
I have come to accept that my parents have been enablers for over 30 years now and that isn't going to change one iota.
I've learned to let go of all the things they have done for my oldest AD and now my youngest AD.
All I can change is me and my attitudes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
...and I should just accept Chris the way he is.
I agree w/ this 100%.
So, is this person, just the way he is, the man you want occupying all this space in your brain and heart and your son's life??
The pain of breaking up is very real, very difficult. But one thing I can tell you is it does diminish. You do start to feel better. It just takes time. Don't add the hurdle of feeling bad that you're still feeling bad!! It takes a good amount of time to process all this.
I agree w/ TC - letting yourself feel all these feelings is healthy.
I grew up with an alcoholic father, I think you're showing your son a great act of love by ending this unhealthy dynamic that he has been absorbing as an understanding of how adult relationships operate. Bravo Mom!
And here's a good reminder I learned in AlAnon--
Don't compare your insides with other people's outsides.
In other words we all look out into the world with all our sensitivity and emotion and what we're going through right there in the forefront of our mind-- we look across the room and see our ex-bf laughing, wearing a new shirt, seemingly carefree-- all you're seeing is the surface the outside. I can't know what is going on for that person on the inside so why assume ANYTHING about it. Especially as it only causes you anxiety and questioning yourself.
(((((hugs))))) and tissues!
Peace-
B.
I agree w/ this 100%.
So, is this person, just the way he is, the man you want occupying all this space in your brain and heart and your son's life??
The pain of breaking up is very real, very difficult. But one thing I can tell you is it does diminish. You do start to feel better. It just takes time. Don't add the hurdle of feeling bad that you're still feeling bad!! It takes a good amount of time to process all this.
I agree w/ TC - letting yourself feel all these feelings is healthy.
I grew up with an alcoholic father, I think you're showing your son a great act of love by ending this unhealthy dynamic that he has been absorbing as an understanding of how adult relationships operate. Bravo Mom!
And here's a good reminder I learned in AlAnon--
Don't compare your insides with other people's outsides.
In other words we all look out into the world with all our sensitivity and emotion and what we're going through right there in the forefront of our mind-- we look across the room and see our ex-bf laughing, wearing a new shirt, seemingly carefree-- all you're seeing is the surface the outside. I can't know what is going on for that person on the inside so why assume ANYTHING about it. Especially as it only causes you anxiety and questioning yourself.
(((((hugs))))) and tissues!
Peace-
B.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Confused, from some of your posts I've discerned that you like to read. I occasionally suggest books, and two that might be helpful for you are:
The Addictive Personality, by Craig Nakken
Healing the Shame That Binds You, John Bradshaw
You may have already read them, but Nakken's book gave me an understanding of what was going on inside the addict's head and why certain behaviors were exhibited; Bradshaw cast light on why I was glomming onto every sort of addict under the sun.
There are folks that believe Bradshaw is dated, and nothing more than a pop-psychologist of the late 80's. However, I found his book useful for me.
Just a suggestion ....
The Addictive Personality, by Craig Nakken
Healing the Shame That Binds You, John Bradshaw
You may have already read them, but Nakken's book gave me an understanding of what was going on inside the addict's head and why certain behaviors were exhibited; Bradshaw cast light on why I was glomming onto every sort of addict under the sun.
There are folks that believe Bradshaw is dated, and nothing more than a pop-psychologist of the late 80's. However, I found his book useful for me.
Just a suggestion ....
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,697
Originally Posted by Soconfused11
I should just accept Chris the way he is.
Fighting with reality gets me no where.
Trying to turn someone into the person I want them to be gets me a headache.
But accepting someone and inviting them to participate in your life are two different things.
When I truly accepted my husband for who he was, warts and all, I knew that I couldn't live with him.
-TC
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 113
(((Soconfused11)))
I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly. I wish I had an answer as to how long it hurts for ... or when it will end ... all I can tell you is that I'm hurting over here also and I'm right with you in sadness ... you're not alone and your post was comforting to me in knowing that neither am I. It doesn't make it hurt any less, I know, but at least for me, it's less scary to know someone else feels the same.
I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly. I wish I had an answer as to how long it hurts for ... or when it will end ... all I can tell you is that I'm hurting over here also and I'm right with you in sadness ... you're not alone and your post was comforting to me in knowing that neither am I. It doesn't make it hurt any less, I know, but at least for me, it's less scary to know someone else feels the same.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 38
As an addict of drugs and alcohol I would like to welcome you to my world.....
you are an addict too....addicted to a drunk and like me when I get drugs or alcohol you get your fix of a good time with Chris and then suffer the downsides of the drug when he is drunk....kinda like you guys take turns being high and when one is high the other is looking to get high.
As I am currently going through detox and withdrawals I can say it hurts like hell and I know it will get better, but have no idea when....your addiction has withdrawals as well....in the form of a break up. My wife gave me the ultimatum before we got married and that was my wake up call, and she was dead serious. I came home and she was not just packed up and ready to go....she had her stuff moved out and gave me 30 seconds to say quit or no quit and then 2 minutes to lay out a plan or she was gone for good. My first thought was what a B****, then wow I will be alone....who's gonna help me after I get drunk....."Light went on"....oh...hmmm..."I'll try for us". That was pretty much all it took. The thought of being without her was more than I could handle and I internalised that as soon as we got back on track and I had a few weeks without drinking then I thought I could have a few beers now and then.....Wrong!!!!! She introduced me to a guy that had 47 yrs of sobreity....yup 47 yrs....and he became my sponsor. He passed away 4 yrs ago, but was always giving me little sayings to help me through tough days.....
Anyone can quit drinking, but its always harder to quit on people....but for personal salvation a necessary evil to cure an addict addicted to addicts.
You are in my heart and prayers and hope you stay strong in your recovery as well.
Chuck
you are an addict too....addicted to a drunk and like me when I get drugs or alcohol you get your fix of a good time with Chris and then suffer the downsides of the drug when he is drunk....kinda like you guys take turns being high and when one is high the other is looking to get high.
As I am currently going through detox and withdrawals I can say it hurts like hell and I know it will get better, but have no idea when....your addiction has withdrawals as well....in the form of a break up. My wife gave me the ultimatum before we got married and that was my wake up call, and she was dead serious. I came home and she was not just packed up and ready to go....she had her stuff moved out and gave me 30 seconds to say quit or no quit and then 2 minutes to lay out a plan or she was gone for good. My first thought was what a B****, then wow I will be alone....who's gonna help me after I get drunk....."Light went on"....oh...hmmm..."I'll try for us". That was pretty much all it took. The thought of being without her was more than I could handle and I internalised that as soon as we got back on track and I had a few weeks without drinking then I thought I could have a few beers now and then.....Wrong!!!!! She introduced me to a guy that had 47 yrs of sobreity....yup 47 yrs....and he became my sponsor. He passed away 4 yrs ago, but was always giving me little sayings to help me through tough days.....
Anyone can quit drinking, but its always harder to quit on people....but for personal salvation a necessary evil to cure an addict addicted to addicts.
You are in my heart and prayers and hope you stay strong in your recovery as well.
Chuck
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
I dunno, I think I did all my grieving while she was still with me. She actually began "dateing" (is THAT what they call it now?) while we were still together, so when we divorced it was like "whew, at least she's tramping around on someone elses nickel now", if that makes any sense.
Man the quiet and serenity of just having an active drunk outta the house.....I've never missed her or her B.S. Goodbye and good riddance. Like I always say...I'm the most blessed man I know.
I think our HP wants us to be happy, I know I want us to be happy!
It may have been Lincoln who said "A man (or woman) is just about as happy as they decide to be." Make any sense?
Thanks and God bless us all, :ghug
Coyote
Man the quiet and serenity of just having an active drunk outta the house.....I've never missed her or her B.S. Goodbye and good riddance. Like I always say...I'm the most blessed man I know.
I think our HP wants us to be happy, I know I want us to be happy!
It may have been Lincoln who said "A man (or woman) is just about as happy as they decide to be." Make any sense?
Thanks and God bless us all, :ghug
Coyote
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