SO Frustrated
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Woodland, CA
Posts: 27
SO Frustrated
Today, DURING THE DAY, my AH offered to take my 5 yr old son golfing. My son, who is largely ignored by AH, was SO excited. I decided it was ok for him to go, b/c AH appeared sober to me and since it was 3pm I figured it was fine. Well, when I got home at 5pm they had just returned and AH was wasted! Which means that he drove with our son in the car while he was more than a little drunk! My precious 5 year old boy. And I feel so guilty b/c I should have known that I couldn't trust him. Then my son convinces him to play some boardgame and AH gets completely frustrated b/c he doesn't understand the rules and doesn't bother to read the directions and my poor son starts to cry... it was a very unpleasant afternoon.
I want to shout and yell and scream at AH but number one, I don't think it will help anything and I didn't dare when he was drunk and now he's gone to sleep and will be gone in the AM when I wake up.
I am basically a prisoner in my home as I NEVER leave the kids at home with him. Now, on those rare ocassions (though clearly becoming more frequent) when AH is home from work in the afternoon, I have to be sure he doesn't try and take them anywhere. Heartbreaking mostly for my son. He just idolizes the man.
I've got to get my ducks in a row here so I can start to plan my exit strategy. Going to Alanon, but am also seeking counselor - must maintain my own sanity and so tired of crying.
B
I want to shout and yell and scream at AH but number one, I don't think it will help anything and I didn't dare when he was drunk and now he's gone to sleep and will be gone in the AM when I wake up.
I am basically a prisoner in my home as I NEVER leave the kids at home with him. Now, on those rare ocassions (though clearly becoming more frequent) when AH is home from work in the afternoon, I have to be sure he doesn't try and take them anywhere. Heartbreaking mostly for my son. He just idolizes the man.
I've got to get my ducks in a row here so I can start to plan my exit strategy. Going to Alanon, but am also seeking counselor - must maintain my own sanity and so tired of crying.
B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
:ghug :ghug
Just know that you are not alone, and I understand how painful that is.
I remember being a prisoner in my own home too, and I am so grateful that I don't have to live that way today.
I'm glad you're going to Alanon. It has helped me tremendously.
Just know that you are not alone, and I understand how painful that is.
I remember being a prisoner in my own home too, and I am so grateful that I don't have to live that way today.
I'm glad you're going to Alanon. It has helped me tremendously.
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,696
I've been there.
It was one thing for my AH to disappoint me, it was something else entirely when my child began to be forced into the drama.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
For my peace of mind, I had to establish a boundary that dictated my child not be left alone with my husband.
I couldn't trust him not to drink.
It wasn't safe.
As much as it sucked, as unfair as it felt to have to do all the parenting on my own, as strange as it was to arrange a babysitter to come over while my husband was at home, it was the only way I could feel at ease.
You can't make him stop drinking, and you can't make him tell you the truth.
You can take care of yourself and your child.
I'm thinking of you tonight.
-TC
It was one thing for my AH to disappoint me, it was something else entirely when my child began to be forced into the drama.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
For my peace of mind, I had to establish a boundary that dictated my child not be left alone with my husband.
I couldn't trust him not to drink.
It wasn't safe.
As much as it sucked, as unfair as it felt to have to do all the parenting on my own, as strange as it was to arrange a babysitter to come over while my husband was at home, it was the only way I could feel at ease.
You can't make him stop drinking, and you can't make him tell you the truth.
You can take care of yourself and your child.
I'm thinking of you tonight.
-TC
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
I had something similar happen last week, except for my son went hunting with my a. Isn't crazy how excited we get that they are going to actually spend time with the kids? I mean that should be such a normal thing.
I always would pressure my abf into playing board games, etc. with us, thinking that my son would benefit from the quality time/male attention. But looking back, I'm sure that my son was very well aware that Chris did not want to play, and that he was forced into it. That was my denial, thinking that I can hide these kinds of things from my son.
B, just know that you are not alone at all, and just keep coming here for all the loving, wonderful support!
I always would pressure my abf into playing board games, etc. with us, thinking that my son would benefit from the quality time/male attention. But looking back, I'm sure that my son was very well aware that Chris did not want to play, and that he was forced into it. That was my denial, thinking that I can hide these kinds of things from my son.
B, just know that you are not alone at all, and just keep coming here for all the loving, wonderful support!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: florida
Posts: 269
ah im so sorry to hear what he did, it breaks my heart to see kids affected, what he doesnt realize is that 5 year old boy wont be little forever, there will be the day that he doesnt want a thing to do with his father, but by then it will be too late to repair the damage the father caused
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