Reddmax

This is an interesting missive to pen. I went back. We're in a state of truce right now.

The AW is scheduled for Detox this weekend. After that she will be working a program of intensive outpatient treatment, plus individual counseling.

Wish me luck.

Redd

GiveLove

Good luck, redd! Hope it all works out.

Reddmax

So do I..... though I would like feedback on scams the A's in your life did to subvert the process of recovery. I have a sneaking suspicion that she is wavering, or trying to figure out how to avoid things. Just a gut feeling.

Redd

Jazzman

If she really wants to get sober it will become apparent in time. I hope it's a good 30 day in house program with good aftercare. If she gets out after 30 days and goes to AA meetings on a frequent and regular basis I would say she's heading in the right direction.

GiveLove

Mine got me to come back by promising to enter detox and recovery. Hope it works out better for you. You deserve happiness.

ToughChoices

Mine did detox, 30 days inpatient, 90 meetings in 90 days, and we're still living apart. He still drinks occasionally.
I love him, but man.
Addiction is a b!t@h.

Silverberry1331

Praying for you Redd...

Mine promised inpatient then reneged. :chatter

Mair

Good luck Redd. Please continue to work on yourself, this is her recovery.

Gill

justaboutus

Mine promised "he'll do anything" but so far all I get is excuses.

Good luck to you, Redd.

LucyA

good luck Redd, while she's on with that what will you be doing?

prodigal

My final response to you: this board is for the recovery of friends and family members of alcoholics. I'm here to discuss MY recovery and help folks who are looking for THEIR recovery from living with an addict. Perhaps you should post on the A.A. board and ask the addicts themselves what "scams" they used on others.

Rebecca4

Is that not a bit aggressive? Why is that your final post to him?

cmc

Hi Redd,
Maybe this will be her time to find recovery. I'm happy to hear that she is getting some help. In the meantime, I hope you will continue to do what's best for yourself.

herewego

Best wishes.
go to as many alanon meetings as you can find.
Choose a home group and get a sponsor.
If the kids are old enough get them involved in alateen.

Give as much thought as you can to your recovery.
Its vital to the well being of your family.

Barbara52

Whether or not she is serious will become clear with time. Actions speak louder than words. Remember that.

So what about you? What are going to be doing for yourself? That shouldn't be dependent on what she does or does not do.

Learning how

Hope it works out for both of you.
You will be able to tell by her actions.

I hope you can keep working on your recovery while she is away.
Take care

Reddmax

Right now I'm guarded in my feelings and thoughts. I sorta think I'm being paranoid, but the twisted thinking I'm seeing in her doesn't inspire confidence.

What I'm doing for me? That's the tough one. I"m trying to take as good care of myself as possible. I'm preparing for the big blowout that I know is coming. That's what I'm doing for me.

Redd

justaboutus

Redd, you've been hurt and lied to so many times... you deserve to be guarded. Don't feel bad about it.

queenteree

Redd, I will answer your question about the scams because quite frankly, I know you will do what you need to do for you, so I don't need to ask that. As for scams, my RAH went to inpatient rehab last year after he threatened to kill himself and almost lost job. He was sober for 3 months, went to his meetings and "adapted" AA to suit his needs, meaning one day at a time could mean "I could drink today as long as I don't tomorrow", before he relapsed. In Oct. of last year, I took him to court and got an order mandating him to intensive outpatient treatment. Hate to be a doomsayer, but all during his 4 months intensive outpatient treatment (consisting of 3 nights a week, 3 hours a nite) he managed to actually drink "under the radar". I had no clue, although I had my suspicions. Guess I was in a little denial, cause I so wanted our marriage to work. Stupid me withdrew that order because he said he was into treatment and promised me he would continue. BULL! The day the order was withdrawn, he drank and drank for months afterward. It was pure hell.
Finally he spiraled so out of control, he did lose his job, I put him out of the house, did not take his phone calls (the only one I would take is when he was ready to really get help), he almost actually died and was in the hospital, went to rehab, and has been sober now for almost 4 months. I'm happy for him, but I won't let my guard down. I do what I need to do for me, it is his recovery. I always know in the back of my mind that relapse is always a part of this disease, and I never want to ever go thru that again. I've made that clear to him also. Hope all goes well for you, and I'll be keeping you in my prayers. Just remember, do what you need to do for you. You're strong, so I know you will be OK.

atalose

Red,

Not trying to be mean but you continue to try and fit a square peg into a round hole. Now you are seeking advice on how does that squad peg avoid going into the correct hole (rehab)

If your suspicion is that she is wavering or trying to avoid, then why do you just stand by waiting for it to happen? It’s like standing on a beach knowing a tidal wave is approaching and rather then retreat for your own safety you stand there asking others how to avoid it from hitting you or like somehow having that info will help you not get hit by it.

I don’t see you doing for YOU. I don’t hear you talk about what is healthy for YOU. I don’t see you planning a life away from the alcoholic, emotionally or physically.

You need to keep the focus on YOU not on her what if’s or thinking or analyzing her every move and thought.

Analyze the person looking back at you in the mirror, that person counts the most.