veruca211

So a few of you know, I was struggling with my AB who is in jail for a suspended license/DUI. Last I wrote, I was turning the focus back on myself and trying to regain some sanity! Well, we have talked a few times since then, he's written, and now he gets out this Saturday. From what he has said, he really gets that he is an A and said in a sense he was glad he had to do a little time, because it allowed him to realize all the great things he has in life, including people, that he was throwing away for the bottle. He sounds very sincere too. So, I am going to take it slow, as I've told him, but I do love him very much still and want to be with him. I told him his sobriety comes first and he has a lot of work and progress he has to do before things will be back at a good place for us. But, I really do believe he wants to get healthy. Maybe I am naive, who knows. But I do know my limit is this once last chance. If I dont see the necessary actions being taken, see the changes, I'm out once and for all, and this way I will have no regrets because I know I did all I could. I just have faith in, him, us, God, that this is an ok decision- this decision to not give up quite yet. I still like having the focus back on myself and working on the things I need to improve in my own life. But I just know I love him and that with him really wanting to get sober, we can grow together. But, as I said before, no change, no go. I wont be put through this ringer again- thats for damn sure!:praying

TTOSBT

Veruca, that is VERY good news!
So will he stay in AZ or come out here?
I do have to say that if he has not said this before or been in jail, this might have been enough. Now I say this because it took 10 hours in jail for me to wake up. Every day I have to work on my recovery and stay vigilant but that was over 5 months ago and I have NOT forgotten how that felt.

Now I am sure other friends and family members might say differently but as someone who was given a 2nd chance and who is grateful for that every day, I am rooting for your bf. I hope he gets into a self help program ASAP. We need all the help we can get!!

denny57

I found it helpful in early days to make a written list to remind me what my boundaries were and what actions I would take. That kept me from moving the line.

Good luck!

FormerDoormat

I won't be put through the ringer again either, that's why I will not offer an A or a newly recovering A one last chance.

veryrestless722

Just want to wish you luck, just stick to your boundaries. As long as your going into this with eyes wide open then you will be ok. I hope everything works out for you.

sodetermined

I don't know your whole situation, and I do truly hope that he is sincere. And it sounds like you are definitely being cautious, and also trying to be supportive.

I have gone through the same situation. My A was incarcerated 3 different times, the first two was in a probation center, and the last time jail. He served 4 1/2 months. And boy did I believe him. I really thought he was sincere, he said all the same things, that he knew he couldn't handle it anymore, and even that God was going to use him to help others, he never wanted to hurt us again. He would write letters quoting verses from the Bible. I felt strong when he was in jail, and thought I was strong enough when he got out that if he started stuff again, that I would walk away. It took a good month at least, but Chris reverted right back to old behaviors. And, I'm sorry to say so did I. I'm trying to walk away, but turns out I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. Or maybe I was, but didn't continue to work hard enough at my own recovery. If I could do it differently, I wouldn't have let him come back home, or else I would have kept my same routine as far as recovery.

Good look to you and your family!

bella78

Veruca -

Your post sounds exactly what I have been going through and feeling and hoping. Only this is the first time I am going through it with my ABF. He came out of detox after trying to do the taper and suboxone routines from opiates... He seems sincere and maybe still is, but there are so many trust issues I am having that keep getting in my way of supporting hin the way I should and it's bringing me further away from where I should be.

I hope that yor faith in him stays strong because I like to believe that when they see that others have faith in them, they will have faith in themselves to succeed.

Stay strong. Hugs

bella