Ugh, I feel sick. The phone calls are starting.
Formerly known as soconfused11
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
Ugh, I feel sick. The phone calls are starting.
He's calling. I'm not answering, just for this 5 minutes. This is so damn hard. I feel so sick to my stomach. Thank God there is an Al-Anon meeting tonight.
If nothing changes, nothing changes. If I answer, he will just say something hurtful, or try and make me feel bad. Nothing good could possibly come from answering that phone.
This doesn't have to be a final goodbye. Just because I don't answer, doesn't mean it's goodbye forever. It's just a phone call.....
If nothing changes, nothing changes. If I answer, he will just say something hurtful, or try and make me feel bad. Nothing good could possibly come from answering that phone.
This doesn't have to be a final goodbye. Just because I don't answer, doesn't mean it's goodbye forever. It's just a phone call.....
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,695
You sound good!!!
That's right - not answering right now doesn't mean saying goodbye forever. It just means that you are able to recognize the situation for what it is, and avoid the pain that would inevitably ensue from speaking with him right now.
What's it going to accomplish?
How's it going to help you?
He could say all the right things.
Apologize in a low and solemn voice.
Affirm his undying love for you.
Promise to get the help that he needs.
But how does that make your life any different? If you chose to believe him and start hoping that this time he means it, you end up giving him power to determine your happiness. You end up right back where you started.
Kudos for recognizing that, especially in the early days of separation, it is HARD to hear those words without getting drawn into the drama.
Better to let it ring until you know that you'll be able to call B.S. on him - and you will, in time.
I remember when I first started hearing my AH's manipulations for what they were - talk about a lightbulb moment!
Keep us posted!
-TC
That's right - not answering right now doesn't mean saying goodbye forever. It just means that you are able to recognize the situation for what it is, and avoid the pain that would inevitably ensue from speaking with him right now.
What's it going to accomplish?
How's it going to help you?
He could say all the right things.
Apologize in a low and solemn voice.
Affirm his undying love for you.
Promise to get the help that he needs.
But how does that make your life any different? If you chose to believe him and start hoping that this time he means it, you end up giving him power to determine your happiness. You end up right back where you started.
Kudos for recognizing that, especially in the early days of separation, it is HARD to hear those words without getting drawn into the drama.
Better to let it ring until you know that you'll be able to call B.S. on him - and you will, in time.
I remember when I first started hearing my AH's manipulations for what they were - talk about a lightbulb moment!
Keep us posted!
-TC
Formerly known as soconfused11
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
But how does that make your life any different? If you chose to believe him and start hoping that this time he means it, you end up giving him power to determine your happiness. You end up right back where you started.
Formerly known as soconfused11
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
denny57,
Well I'm at work, he's calling me at work. And I am so thankful that I have caller id here! He calls first from where he works then when I don't answer he calls right back with "caller id blocked" (Like I won't know).
Well I'm at work, he's calling me at work. And I am so thankful that I have caller id here! He calls first from where he works then when I don't answer he calls right back with "caller id blocked" (Like I won't know).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: London
Posts: 219
It's the super late ones that get you down, I used to pull the plug. Not good going to work feeling wrung out cause you've been up half the night, saves the agonising too. You're sounding pretty strong, good for you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Can you block his number on your work phone? Can you go to your supervisor and request this? I don't know if it's possible. I used to have call forwarding on my phone, so when I went to lunch, all my calls went through our receptionist.
You knew this was going to happen. I hope and pray you get the point that you will stop allowing this A to make you sick. As long as he can effect you this way - and he knows darn good and well he can - he will continue. And he will escalate.
Just think about how the mere ringing of your office phone is getting you so upset. Perhaps you should seriously consider why you are letting this man take control of your emotional well-being. Because right now, your well-being is not on his mind. Getting you roped back in is his primary motivation.
You knew this was going to happen. I hope and pray you get the point that you will stop allowing this A to make you sick. As long as he can effect you this way - and he knows darn good and well he can - he will continue. And he will escalate.
Just think about how the mere ringing of your office phone is getting you so upset. Perhaps you should seriously consider why you are letting this man take control of your emotional well-being. Because right now, your well-being is not on his mind. Getting you roped back in is his primary motivation.
Formerly known as soconfused11
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
You're sounding pretty strong, good for you
(I think it was the movie "Into the Wild", where he said "It's important in life not only to BE strong, but to FEEL strong".)
Formerly known as soconfused11
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
Can you block his number on your work phone? Can you go to your supervisor and request this? I don't know if it's possible. I used to have call forwarding on my phone, so when I went to lunch, all my calls went through our receptionist.
You knew this was going to happen. I hope and pray you get the point that you will stop allowing this A to make you sick. As long as he can effect you this way - and he knows darn good and well he can - he will continue. And he will escalate.
Just think about how the mere ringing of your office phone is getting you so upset. Perhaps you should seriously consider why you are letting this man take control of your emotional well-being. Because right now, your well-being is not on his mind. Getting you roped back in is his primary motivation.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
Hi Soconfused, your doing good, it may not feel like it but this is the start for you. It's not easy to ignore the calls, but im sure whatever he has to tell you, youve heard it all before ye. I decided that having no contact was the only way forward for me, and it hurt like hell, but it got easier, these days 10 months on i dont want him to ring, i dont want to know what he is doing, i just dont want to know. I have no chaos in my life, i still love him but i love myself more!!
One day at a time.
Gill
One day at a time.
Gill
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by Soconfused11 
He is not happy with me, or else he wouldn't be choosing to go to the bar while I'm at an Al-Anon meeting.
You do NOT figure into the equation of his addiction.
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