hellma

Hi All,

When my XASO left, he took one of our cars and has been driving it to work, but has also been driving it drunk to get home from the bar on a regular basis. My name is on the title for the car he is driving and I paid for it. In addition, my XASO does not have a valid driver's license as it was revoked for a prior DUI a few years ago. His name is also not on the insurance for the car he is driving. I am really worried that one of this days he will hurt himself or somebody else while driving drunk.

Am I enabling him by letting him drive the car that I have the title for? What can I do to find peace of mind? I am not interested in the value of the car or getting money for it, but I am worried. I know I cannot control him, but cn I control the situation and do I have a moral obligation to? I know I would feel absolutely horrible if he ended up hurting himself or somebody else. Can I take the car away from him and tell him that he can get it back if he gets his driver's license back? BTW, he will have to complete a series of SATOP classes in order to get his driver's license back and he has been avoiding having to do that for years.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am so lost as to where my responsibility ends and what he does begins!

Thank you all for being here when I need you.

lizw

Dunno if it is to do with enabling or not but if it was me, I'd either get the car back or get it put in his name, because if something does go wrong i.e. accident, you will wear the outcome too.

cmc

Whose car is it? At first you said he took one of 'our' cars...but then you say you hold the title.

If it is your car and he's driving it without insurance, who will be held responsible for the damages and/or loss of life? Can you live with that? Is it worth you losing everything you have if you are sued?

I'm married and had my husband taken off our policy temporarily because he was too sick to drive. I forgot to put him back on when his health improved and when he got in a fender bender we had to pay for all the damages because he was not an insured driver.

He was very lucky that he was not cited for it by the police and the only reason he received a break was that it was one day after a majoy hurricane had gone through our town.

If you still want to let him drive you could call your insurance company and ask them what the terms are on your policy.

Jadmack25

Sorry helma, bu I do thnk you are enabling him. Enabling him to continue on his merry way drinking and driving is downright dangerous, for him and other road users. As it is your car legally, you can be cited along with him if you know he is unlicensed and drink driving.

For everyone's sake and safety, get the car back before it is too late for someone, maybe an innocent person who is maimed or killed.

sunflowerintx

I am not sure if it's enabling but you are putting yourself in a terrible predicament if he causes any damage. You will be sued.

My h does have a dl and we had insurance but I had his truck repossessed in May. Both of our names were on the title and my credit is shite now but I don't have any regrets about that decision. It's what I needed to take care of me and our children. My h kept leaving and was driving drunk often.

sailorgirl2nv

Get rid of the car. It will be better for you. If he gets in a wreck, you are liable for everything, you gave him the keys. You could lose your house, future.. all of it.

Learning how

Back in the day when I consulted an attorney regarding a divorce, one of the first things she told me was that we needed to get my name off my AH's pickup and get him off the insurance. She said if he was in an accident while drinking and driving I would be affected also. This was like her number one thing she wanted me to do.

IMO you need to take care of business, to protect yourself, and if it gets him off the road so much the better.

Good luck with this.

Freedom1990

In my opinion, yes that is enabling, and you are going to be responsible for whatever happens while he's driving your car on your insurance, and with no license of his own.

I was on foot for 7 months a few years back because the valves finally went out on my old car.

It did NOT kill me to have to walk everywhere.

prodigal

I asked my attorney about this after AH started driving his truck - my name is also on the title and insurance - when he was drunk.

He told me, "After they get him, they WILL go after you."

I agree with what you have read here. Get your name off all documentation pertaining to the vehicle and let him keep it, or repo it.

JMO, but yes, it sure sounds like enabling to me ....

Barbara52

Yup, enabling IMO. But more importantly, as others have said, you are keeping yourself in a position of huge risk. You are accepting the possibility of losing everything if he kills someone.

It's simple enough to sign over the car to him and cancel the insurance. Do it tomorrow! Unless of course you want to lose any money you have, any assets you own.

HateBooze

Oh my - you have to regain your car. You will have to live with it if something happens as a result-we already take the blame for all their issues!
Plus it is in your name.
I am an enabler, so who am I to say? But you are enabling him to get to the bar - go get your car, fellow sufferer. Make it HIS problem.
We are on your side.
Good luck. Keep us posted!
Blessings,
Nancy