achanceonu

Hello

I am currently 3 months sober off of alcohol. My alcoholism has destroyed my life and I had enough. My ex and my children are gone now and I am slowly trying to rebuild my life. The gifts just keep on coming back to me every day that I am sober.

I was hoping that you people may have some web resources I can send to my ex along the lines of "when someone you love is recoverying from addiction". I know there are plently of "when someone you know is an addict" but what about when the get clean and sober?

Any help is appreciated. I would like to send him some links and such to help him cope with all the positive changes in me. He doesn't believe that I will stay sober. He can't see past all the hurt and anger to the new me. He doesn't trust me. I know that will all come in time, but I wanted to help him a little to understand my disease and my recovery.

Thanks
Achanceonu

Bernadette

Hi achanceonu!

Well other than this forum here, you could suggest AlAnon. There he would find the most up-to-date literature and face to face meetings with people who are dealing with alcoholics in every stage of the disease, including recovery!

But as I learned in AlAnon all YOU can do is make the suggestion - and then you have to just step off and keep focused on your own stuff, no expectations.

As I'm sure you know from your drinking days - no one can make another person do ANYTHING. People come to things when they will. He may not think he has a problem, and maybe he doesn't right? That is a possibility. Just because he is not reacting or responding the way YOU wish he would doesn't mean, to him, that he has a problem!

Congrats on your 3 months!! Well done. Do you attend AA or work any kind of recovery program?

Peace-
B.

Ago

When I am working with a newly sober sponsee, They all have tons of "wreckage", and "stuff" and "problems", I tell them just work the steps and everything else will fall into place.

I can walk up to any sober alcoholic in the world that has worked the steps and ask, "So if I just keep coming back, work the steps, and don't worry about all my 'important' problems, my life will straighten out?"

Every time I have asked that question, I get a resounding yes.

The first step states our life is unmanageable, for me that means I am not "manager material" when it comes to running my own life, So I learned to "keep coming back", and do "the next right thing". There is a step that handles every aspect of my life, and if I do them, I cross each bridge in "God's time" not mine, it's hard for us as alcoholics to have patience, but by utilizing the program, going to meetings, working with a sponsor, being of service, I get better.

I learned that my sobriety had to come first, not my relationship, not my job, not anything else, and when I took care of me, "God" took care of everything else (I'm not religious, or christian) but when I took care of me, everything else just fell into place.


When I got sober, I needed to give those around me time to get used to "the new me", but truthfully, I needed time to make "a new me" by working with a sponsor, doing the steps etc., It took awhile before real changes actually took place for me and in me, and it took time for them to learn to trust me after putting them through the alcoholic wringer.


In the traditions, it states we are a program of attraction, not promotion, I have found that applies to my life as well, when I changed, people wanted "what I had", relationships were restored, friendships were repaired, I don't let my mouth do my talking (although I never shut up) but truly try and let my actions speak for me.

It works, it really does.

Welcome, and keep coming back.